All You Need Is Love

I love Morgan. That is obviously apparent. But, how do I justify it? Especially to those who never experienced parenthood!

http://www.babycenter.com/0_big-story-how-love-blossoms-between-you-and-your-child_1417762.bc

That article delves into biological explanations as to why I love my Creature so much. To quote a friend of mine, I'm "high on Morgan" - and it is true, from a chemical point of view! The mix of oxytocin and dopamine she provokes is one hell of an addictive drug - one I can never ever get enough of.

Speaking of which - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EcD0ktuCeTE&sns

Knowing that maternal love can so easily be explained feels somewhat wrong, however it doesn't detract anything from the whole experience. If anything, it is perhaps reassuring to know that I'm not obsessed - merely human. It still feels odd to think that other parents feel as intensely about their own offspring as I do about Morgan.

My main question though, remains this - how, if it is biologically ingrained, can a parent not love their child?
I know that different people have different reasons for abandoning their children. Not too long ago, there was a case, locally, where a baby was abandoned on the steps of a convent. A lot of people seemed judgmental about it. I couldn't help but wonder what psychological issues the woman may have had, and what background she was coming from. Was she in an abusive situation? Did she have any form of support - emotional, financial or otherwise? Was she depressed? What made her run away from it all and abandon her child?

Knowing we're programmed to love makes me wonder - and I'm not being mean, bitchy, or anything along those lines here - whether there could be something fundamentally wrong in people who are capable of abandoning their spawn. In the physical sense.

I'm not saying it is easy for these 'parents' - and I say 'parents', again, not to be mean, but merely because I don't reckon they'd have earned the title, so to speak - to walk away. I'm sure that for the vast majority, it is a major regret they will have to live with until the day they die. They might try to convince people - and themselves - that it isn't so and that they did it to provide a better life and better opportunities for their child[ren]. Deep down though, I know they think of their offspring and wonder what could have been had things turned out differently.

I just wonder how the few who don't regret it function on a biological level, and whether treatment could "fix" them. Yes, I feel they're broken. It isn't nice, I know. I don't do nice, sugar-coating crap. You should know that by now. If they could get artificially supplemented by a dosage of picotin and dopamine, what would happen?

Wait.. Have I just mentioned a way to actually turn Love into a drug one can ingest? Hmmmm...

Who's your daddy?

Usually in my blogs, I tend to share information.  Today, I'm asking for information.

I was brought up within the traditional family model - mother, father, siblings, and a dog.  That family model nowadays is becoming more and more uncommon.  You have single parents, no parents whatsoever, two mums, two dads, step-parents etc etc.  Previously these different Family Models were pretty uncommon.  For a parent to be a single parent, usually they'd need to be widowed back then.

I now find myself facing single parenthood myself.  I can't help but think, "How will I explain to Creature why other children have two parents, and s/he doesn't?" or "How will I manage to deal with things such as Father's Day, or compositions given at school entitled "My Father"?"  What about the real possibility of bullying?  There are so many questions to which I don't yet have an answer! I know that I cannot have an answer for everything - and yet, it doesn't stop me from trying.

I know these things are a few years away, however the reality of the situation is as it is, and the sooner I come up with a vague outline of a plan, the better. 

So - what can you lot tell me? Any advice? Besides from not stressing out, that is - I appreciate it, but your telling me not to stress out won't make a difference.

Sacrifices and Priorities don't always go hand in hand

"You're too good for your own good."

Does that sound familiar to you?  That, is pretty much the reason why I seem to get screwed over time and time again.  I have this crazy notion [ *gasp*] that everyone is an individual and therefore deserves a chance to prove themselves to be decent.  Unfortunately this means that by the time their true colours show, someone gets hurt.  And that, isn't them, usually.

Whilst having a conversation with a friend last night [or rather, too-early-this-morning] we were discussing how it seems almost impossible for someone who is "too good" to be otherwise.  In theory, it is simple enough.  It is only a matter of time and practise.  Once you get out of your "too good" comfort zone, and learn how to force yourself to be more assertive, and to put your priorities before others', then you're sorted.  You will be wrecked by feelings of guilt for a while, but eventually your comfort zone will evolve and it will become second nature for you.

He pointed out to me "Ah, but you can achieve that easily by cheating.  By bringing Creature's priorities first, you can justify being 'egoistic' whereas in reality you will still be bringing his/her needs first and foremost."

That gave me some brainfood to chew on.

Being a parent means that yes, your number one priority becomes your child.  However, your life does not need to end the moment the child is born.  I look at my mum, for example, and get pissed off at how she brings everyone else's needs before her own - at her own health's cost.  I end up telling her off and trying to get her to set her priorities straight.  I am sure that the vast majority of parents out there can relate.  Gods know how many times, growing up, we swear to ourselves that we won't do the same mistakes our parents did.

To me, that means one thing. Yes, your child priorities should come first.  But, don't forget your own needs, and every once in a while, do something for you.  "Me" time is still important.  If you don't look after yourself, both you and your child will suffer long-term consequences.  Your child will grow up and look back at his/her childhood, and realise how much you have sacrificed for him/her.  S/he will be grateful, sure, but not without feeling guilty and wishing they could turn back time and make you take better care of yourself. 

Spare your child that unnecessary guilt trip - it is your choice entirely; they have no reason to feel guilty about it.