Winds of change

Knock knock!

Anyone home?

Sorry guys, I know I promised I'd update before the weekend was over, and I haven't.


I've had complaints for not blogging lately - my sincere apologies! Life got in the way.

Since too many days have gone by, I'm unable to do a day-by-day breakdown at this point in time since things are a bit hazy.

All you lot need to know is this:

Following the blog were I left off with saying I was going to go out in the evening, and red shoes had been unexpectedly acquired, things have changed. A LOT.

Guess who's in a relationship?

Yep.

This Mama here has found herself a Homo Sapiens Specimen willing to put up with her insane ramblings and silliness and constant worries about Morgan.  Said HSS has already made an appearance in past blogs under the guise of a very good friend - namely in my entry about how a friend took ~Morgan and myself to hospital for her Chromosome count, or the one where a friend of mine was discussing Asperger's and Autism with me.  This HSS here has been there for me from day 1 of my knowing him - which was whilst I was still 6-ish months pregnant.  He was the one to take the trouble to install Linux on a pc, set up an FTP server on it, upload all of his music, and link me to it just so that I could download a handful of tunes to my phone whilst in hospital awaiting Morgan's birth to happen.

We talk a lot - and he knows Morgan will forever be my number one priority - and he is fine with that [as it should be].  He is also aware that after having been screwed over in the past, I need to take things slow - and he is fine with that too.  In a way, I feel as if I'm dating for the first time ever.

I have no idea how I'll juggle Work, Parenthood and Dating once I'm back to work to be honest - I'll figure it out somehow.  Surely I am not the first person to have to strike such a balance!

Oh, and HSS has also decided I need to learn how to drive.  So far, we've survived the first lesson in one piece.  If everything goes well, in about a year's time I might be officially a Menace Behind The Wheel and one of them Infamous Female Drivers.  Hopefully, with better skills than most.  And eventually, with a VW Beetle to call my own.

So - an incident where I screwed up royally last week:

I took the garbage out, and for once I forgot my phone and key inside.  BAM! The door slammed shut - locking me OUT and Morgan IN.  PANIC!

I rushed up and down the stairs leading to my upstairs neighbours' house twice in a frenzy trying to figure out what the hell I was meant to do.  A guy owning a garage across the street saw me panic and came over to ask what's up.  I told him I had been locked out and my daughter was inside.  He lent me his phone whereby I called my bro, asked him to log into my Facebook account and look for someone who knew my friend Rose's number as she had my spare key due to having been over at my house for a few days that week.  Eventually, he managed, and agreed to go pick up the key from her workplace.  Luckily I had already made plans with my bro's fiancee to come over for lunch - meaning she got here after about 15 minutes of my having been locked out, and she kept me company.

It took some hour or so until my bro, my mum, Rose and her son showed up - way more panicked than me - with my key.  The moment I opened the door I rushed to the kitchen where I found Morgan sitting quietly in her Rocker, waiting for me.

Yo! [4th May 2012]

As you can see in the above pic, Morgan is finally big enough to wear the Batman long sleeved top that my  friends Andy and Kyrie had sent her! She's now wearing 3-6month sized clothes, and they fit her like a glove.  Having said that, she's wearing just her onesies most of the time as the weather is starting to get too warm.

Oh, and last week, Morgan got given the cutest outfit ever that belonged to another Fae child called Faith.  Here's a couple of pics:

My Morgan The Fae with Rose :) 29th April 2012

My Ginger Faerie :) 29th April 2012

Oh, and just in case you were wondering about HSS - here is pictoral evidence of his existence:

I admit, part of the reason I was not blogging is that I originally created this blog as a place to vent whatever was on my mind.  Since he reads the blog, I wasn't about to post my internal conflict as to whether I'm better off preserving the friendship or attempt taking it a step further.  I'd have needed to keep it generic which would have probably proved to have adverse effects on it all.

My internal conflict consisted of the following - is it too early to date?  On the one hand, I've been dumped back in September by Morgan's sperm donor.  That's about 9 months ago more or less.  On the other hand. she is just 3 and a half months old.  Being a Single Parent is confusing, I must say.

I've met a lot of raised eyebrows - some people seem to think I'm a bad mum for wanting to give it a shot with someone who seems genuine.  They seem to think I ought to lock myself up and throw away the key and just be a 24/7 mum and nothing more.  It also seems to be beyond their comprehension how on Earth I can have a Date Night once a week, and still be a good mother.   I've also had people coming close to calling me a whore and accusing me of dating this guy and that guy.

Honestly? Fuck the whole lot of judgemental pricks.

Once you stop being shocked, read on, and you'll understand where I'm coming from.

Being a Single Parent means you don't have the luxury of having a partner to walk life's journey with you.  It means walking down the street pushing the pram/pushchair on your own whilst seeing other families walk by.  You get used to it, but it never stops hurting.  It also means that you have to do ALL of the parenting on your own without being able to vent about the rough patches to someone who'd know exactly what you're going on about.  Yes, there are friends.  But friends and a partner are not one and the same thing support-wise.

Yes, I'm also going to go there and point to the Elephant In The Room by mentioning that albeit it might suffer a lot, non-Single Parents also have the luxury of having a sex lfie, and a cuddle buddy.  Single Parents don't.


I fail to see how wanting to have someone in your life makes you a bad person.  Yes, you need to keep your priorities straight and you do need to be careful who you let in as they'll be part of your and your child's life.  You need to hone your communication skills and tell things exactly as they are to ensure you're all on the same page at any given point in time.

To conclude, I'll leave you with this:

I'm happy, Morgan's happy, We're all happy.  That is all that matters.

I Don't Want To Miss A Thing

Today has been relatively quiet. A couple of friends came over in the afternoon for banter, and then my mum came over in the early evening.   I managed to tidy up the place quite a bit, since Morgan has been quiet all day.  She has been asleep for the past couple of hours, and I shall soon be waking her up for her last bottle of the night.

She's starting to take off a sock on a daily basis now.

See? Baby Bigfoot!

Every day that goes by, she becomes more and more interactive.  I can't bear the thought of our time together being limited.  I know it is for her own good - however I really wish I could be a stay-at-home mum rather than have to be a working mum.  Right now it is all I keep thinking of.  She does something new every day - and right now  I'm blessed with being able to witness them happening.  Once I go back to work, I will be missing out on watching my child grow up.  Even thinking about it gets me all choked up.  I know, I know.  I'm not the first and definitely won't be the last mother to have to deal with this.  Wishing for the "if only" is a complete and utter waste of time. And yet, I can't help it.

I hope our bond won't change.  Children tend to bond the most with their primary carer.  Once I'm back to work, I will no longer be that primary carer to her.  She will be spending most of her time with someone else.  I worry too much, I know.

All this makes it even harder for me to understand Absent Parents.  How on earth can anyone walk away from the opportunity of being in their child's life?  It is beyond my comprehension.

The End Draws Nigh!

In just under 4 hours, I will be at hospital.   And guess what? Yep - still have stuff that needs to be done and yes, it is another sleepless night.


Good news is that I finally figured out how to update the blog from my phone - via e-mail.  And it works with photos too.   This means I will be able to post blog updates whilst in hospital as well. Yay!  What I might do is to pre-type an entry to announce the birth and then just fill in the blanks so that if I don't have the energy to do it myself, it will be easy to get someone to do it on my behalf and still have it be in my own words.

Yesterday afternoon, I had my last prenatal class. Since my grandmother was being discharged from hospital,my mum couldn't make it to attend the class with me this time - so my elder sister accompanied me instead.  She managed to turn my foul mood around by showing up at my place early, bearing delicious, happy-belly food: Vegetarian Lasagna, and an Orgasmic Brownie purchased from one of the most awesome food places on the island [i.e. Mint. nom!!!]

After wolfing down the lasagna, we just chilled for a bit before making our way to the clinic.  I was pleased to see that we were half an hour early since I hate being late.  We also found a parking space really close to the clinic and happened to be the first ones there.  Eventually, the other class attendees waddled up to the clinic - which was quite comical with this one woman who is 30 weeks pregnant with twins and keeps ballooning up from week to week.  She is rather short - 5 ft 2, perhaps? - and she can barely walk at this point in time without holding on to the wall or furniture. It must be a nightmare for her, mind you - but at this point it is better to laugh at oneself.

The class was basically discussing sterilisation [differences between hot sterilisation and cold sterilisation] and the New Mum's health after giving birth [which has been covered in this blog].  I have partially covered Cold Sterilisation in this previous blog too - however ~I will just recap specifically within this context.

Hot vs Cold
Cold sterilisation is the process of using water and a sterilising agent such as this, or this, whereby you allow the bottle/dummy/item requiring sterilisation to soak in the solution.  The solution itself can be used for up to 24 hours, and it is important to avoid cross-contamination.  Make sure you wash the items in advance and that you don't immerse your hands in the solution.  Use thongs to fish out items out of the solution.


Bot sterilisation is the process of using a sterilising device such as this, or this.  The first one is a microwaveable item, and the second one works using electricity to produce steam.

All of the above options are equally as efficient as long as cross-contamination is avoided. Which option you use is a matter of personal preference.  My advice would be to have a bottle of sterilising liquid even if you opt for the Hot Sterilisation process.  It is a no-brainer really - what would you do if there is a power cut?  Better take precautions. It could also come in handy to have one in your car/nappy bag especially when you will be away from home for a long period of time.  If you're over at someone's house, all you would need is to ask for a container and some water, and you'll be able to sterilise whatever you might need to.

That is all for now.


Toodles! x

Dude, that's so gay!

Everyone tends to say "If s/he were my child, I would..." whenever homosexuality or gender dysphoria is mentioned in connection with musings over how parents must feel/react when their child comes out.  Few people admit they would freak out, lest they be labelled prejudiced, discriminatory or homophobic.

I myself have plenty of LGBT friends - yes, I actually know transgendered people as well - both male-to-female, as well as female-to-male.  I tend to look at everyone as an individual and form my opinion entirely on them as such, regardless of sexuality, race, age etc.

This does not mean though that I would immediately be accepting, or have a positive reaction, should Creature come out to me one day and say "I'm attracted to my own gender," or "I feel I was born in the wrong body and want to undergo a sex change operation."

I cannot imagine how I would react.  Eventually, once the shock would fade away, I suppose I would be ok with it.  It would be very hypocritical of me otherwise.  But, being ok with it, and accepting it, are two totally different things.  Especially when it comes to gender reassignment.  How do you wrap your head around the fact that you gave birth to a girl/boy, and will now have to get used to the idea of having the opposite gender as your child? Even talking about them will have to be something to adjust to.  Instead of saying 'my daughter' you would now have to say 'my son' and vice versa.  It must be rather confusing.  Hell, I sometimes get confused as to which gender to use when talking about transgendered friends, since I got to know them in their birth-assigned gender!

I can only hope that if the day comes where I will have to face such a situation, I will be able to do so in a supportive and accepting manner.