What a shitty situation!

"Oh shit."

Probably one of the most overused phrases in this day and age.


Gods know how many times it has been uttered so far throughout my lifetimes.  Come to think of it, there are quite a lot of fecal references in popular expressions - "Same Shit Different Day" "I feel like crap" "Shit happens" "Bullshit!" and so on and so forth.


Well, shit will be happening, I'm afraid.In copious amounts, and at the least convenient of times.  Such a labour, for example.

During a pre-natal class, the midwife was describing the various bits and pieces that will get attached to you, including a catheter.  There was mention of labour possibly taking hours - and in my head I couldn't help but wonder "So the catheter takes care of your needing to pee... but after spending hours pushing your guts out, who is to say you won't end up pooping the bed you're on?"  A disgusting thought, sure.  But a realistic one,  You can't really do anything other than push and push and then push it some more. A-la-la-la-la-long a-la-la-la-la-long long li long long long!  Err. Sorry about that. Momentarily got distracted!

Had to get this out of the way.

 Anyway.  Back to this crappy topic. 

I started doing some research about what can be done to minimise the chances of any 'accidents' happening during childbirth, and the first answers I came across weren't reassuring at all.  Most forums just had an "oh don't you worry about it, the medical staff is used to it and you will be too busy otherwise to be embarrassed" kind of approach.

Others seemed to imply that your body goes through this massive bowel evacuation movement a few days before labour.  Others still advised to switch to liquids and watery soups the moment you notice you're about to go into labour to ensure that you evacuate the pipes before it is too late.

Nope, still  not a satisfactory answer to me.

I also stumbled across someone mentioning Castor Oil.  Upon looking this up, it turns out that it is believed Castor Oil can help induce labour if Baby is overdue.  And this is done by triggering bowel cramps, thus making it an effective laxative.  Upon reading further though, it turns out that Castor Oil can cause - and I quote - " painful cramps, fecal incontinence and explosive diarrhoea. Its action can go on for hours, sometimes unpredictably and powerfully causing an involuntary bowel movement at inconvenient locations and during sleep" [quoted from Wikipedia].  As effective as it may be, I'd rather not risk it. 

Now I'm aware that different countries might vary slightly in their methods, so I decided to ask some local friends of mine who work in the medical industry.  It has been confirmed to me that an enema is given to minimise the chances of things  getting pretty stinky. Awesome! That has  taken a shitload of concern off my mind.

A by-product possibility of labour is piles.  A nurse friend of mine suggested to pack some piles cream in advance, just in case.


Once labour is over and done with, and Baby is born, it will be his/her shit you will have to put up with.  Surprisingly enough, Baby Poo comes in a wide variety of colour, textures and smells.  Yes, disturbing, and revolting.  But, the next few years of your [and my] life will be so full of it that I needed to know the differences to be able to tell if something is wrong or not.  Google, my old friend, helped me out with that.  Here is a guide to different Baby Poo - opt for text-only, or full-blown visuals!  Enjoy!

Why Pregnant Women are Annoying

You know how Pregnant Women [PW] tend to seem self-centred and one track minded? It isn't just your impression. It is the truth.

Being Pregnant has this weird effect on your brain. All of a sudden, everything becomes trivial and irrelevant. Everything except your pregnancy, your baby, and your plans/needs. It isn't that PW aren't aware of it - believe me, we are. It is just a mental inability to focus on anything else. It sucks, and it is as annoying to the PW as it is to people surrounding her.

One thing I found really awkward was being around other PW who would openly discuss their bodily discomforts [e.g. how constipated they are, how they need to pee at the most awkward of times, how itchy their boobs are etc].  I couldn't figure out how on earth they could so openly discuss these things, irrespectively of how well they knew you/whoever else may be listening to the conversation.

  I found it disgusting at the best of times.

Well, guess what? I ended up doing just that myself. A couple of days ago, I got asked by a good friend if I would be breastfeeding. I said I wasn't sure as of yet.  When she asked why, I gave her an honest answer.... only to realise afterwards that I was sitting between 2 guy friends of ours.  One of whom showed clear signs of discomfort at being subjected to the topic at hand.  I apologised and said that if he ever planned to have kidlets, he could look forward to being subjected to plenty more disgusting topics.  The other guy friend just shrugged it off, saying he has sisters who were pregnant, so he has pretty much heard it all before.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this:

PW don't do it on purpose. It is just like when you're worried about one major thing. It becomes the one thing you can focus on, and soon becomes the only thing you can talk about.  If you don't wanna hear about it, you're better off breaking off the friendship, because from now onwards, it will only get more stinky and sticky.