Ranting helps, sometimes...

Stress levels are soaring.  When this happens, no one is to take anything I say personal - I'm bound to get extremely snappy and pretty much nearly chew people's heads off.


I understand everyone is looking forward to Creature being here - I probably am the least one to feel that way.  This is going to sound wrong on many levels - but if I could chicken out of it right now, I would actually consider it.

I hate not being in control of a situation I'm faced with.  I'm not a control freak - it just tends to emerge whenever it is my life that we're discussing.

Before anyone says anything optimistic to me - thus making me want to shove their heads so far up their arses that the Human Centipede creator would die of envy for not using this concept in his movies instead - I am not looking for sympathy/empathy.  I'm a realist by nature and  excessive optimism pisses me off.  D0on't tell me everything is going to be fine if it is not true and/or you don't have valid reasons to back up your argument.

This is exactly why I have not committed to having anyone in the delivery room with me.  I know for a fact I would end up acting like a total jerk and then just end up putting myself through a huge guilt trip.  Again - I don't want to hear that it is only natural to flip whilst giving birth. I don't care what is normal and what isn't.  To hell with the norms.


This has not been the easiest pregnancy ever.  To most, their pregnancy ends up being the happiest period of their life - or so they try to convince people.  For me, it has had a few good days - but mostly it has just been a continuous nightmare where I have had to deal with huge volumes of crap.  The drama is still not over, mind you.  I doubt it will ever be.


I'm so tired of it all.  I wish I could get away from reality for a few brief, refreshing moments. Creature has been the sole reason for me not to give up. I have been telling myself that it will all be worth it eventually.  I hope that it will truly be the case.

Can you do me a favour?

I hate having to rely on people.  I always have hated it.  I would much rather do my own thing, and whatever outcome it leads to, it'll be my fault/thanks to me. 

I have been living on my own for around 5 -6 years now.  I grew accustomed to coming home to peace and quiet after a long day of work with no one to nag at me, or to throw drama all over the place.

The day I told my family I was pregnant, things changed.  As time went by, I had to start asking people for favours, to help me out in doing this and that - things that I normally would do myself.  Let me tell you - it is bloody frustrating.  Especially when you get a "sure I'll help" and then they either cancel on you several times, or they never show up....  or show up late without having warned you that they are running late.  Sitting and waiting for whoever it is to show up, so that you can get whatever it is done is infuriating.

Not to mention the phone calls. Pre-pregnancy, I might have spoken to my mum for a maximum of once or twice a week.  Now, it is once or twice a day.  Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining about her caring.  I will probably be way worse than her, were I in her shoes.  But - sometimes I just want to be left in peace, rather than being woken up by my Morning-Person-Mum who is listing stuff to me that I'm expected to remember. 

I look forward to the day where I get left in peace again.  That will probably be the day my child will start complaining about me.