When the going gets tough

Lately it has been very difficult to keep up with life.  There have been a string of incidents where the phrases "everything you touch turns to shit" and "everything blows up in your face" can start conveying how stressful it has been.

It all started when Morgan was admitted to hospital with the UTI.  This was on the 17th of August.  Since then, we haven't had a break from negative events.  Two days after being sent home, we ended up taking her back to hospital and were told she had bronchitis.

Then, the moment she started recovering, we had a bike accident and I ended up unable to walk due to a severely sprained foot caused by the bike falling over it when we skidded - and this lasted about a week.  The moment I started hobbling and limping around, my elder sister's dog bit HSS, putting his hand out of action for about a week.

Just when we thought things were finally settling down, this week happened.

As a follow-up to the UTI Morgan had encountered, she had to undergo two medical tests - the first of which was on Tuesday 2nd October 2012.

HSS and I took her to hospital for the micturating cystourethrogram [MCUG].

"The what?" you might ask.

"The MCUG is a technique for watching a person's urethra and urinary bladder while the person urinates (voids). The technique consists of catheterising the person in order to fill the bladder with a radiocontrast agent, typically cystografin. Under fluoroscopy (real time x-rays) the radiologist watches the contrast enter the bladder and looks at the anatomy of the patient. If the contrast moves into the ureters and back into the kidneys, the radiologist makes the diagnosis of vesicoureteral reflux, and gives the degree of severity a score. The exam ends when the person voids while the radiologist is watching under fluoroscopy. Consumption of fluid promotes excretion of contrast media after the procedure. It is important to watch the contrast during voiding, because this is when the bladder has the most pressure, and it is most likely this is when reflux will occur.

Vesicoureteral reflux (kidney reflux) is diagnosed with an ultrasound and VCUG. Children who have recurrent urinary tract infections are given this test to determine the risk of subsequent infections causing potentially damaging kidney infections."

- derived from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Voiding_cystourethrogram

Just out of hospital - Wednesday 3rd October 2012

On Wednesday, HSS and I took Morgan back to hospital for a check-up with her paediatrician.  Turns out, the results form the previous day's test were out... and therefore bad news was delivered to us.


Morgan has Vesicoureteral reflux on her left side, and since urine is re-entering her left kidney, it is causing her these UTIs.  I lost count of how many times the doctor used the word "unfortunately".


So yeah - we have an appointment with the paediatric surgeon on the 24th of October.




Both HSS and myself were quite shaken by this news, and needed to get away from everyday life for a short while.

We took Morgan to Buskett for the first time ever.

First family outing @ Buskett - 3rd Oct 2012

Being in the midst of nature tends to have a calming effect on me.  I don't know if you have ever sat in the shade of a tree, and after chilling there for a while, you walked away refreshed.  I know I have.  Being away from the daily bustle and rush of modern day life was a welcome break - where no one disturbs you, and you're given a moment to take a deep breath and just... be.


Being there, with HSS and Morgan, felt good.  It was a much needed break.  I enjoyed watching Morgan be amazed at the rustling leaves, at the changing light, and the different smells and natural sounds around us.  


We found a spot hidden from the world, where the ground was covered in grass [not the kind that gets you high, mind you], and where there was quite a bit of shade for us to enjoy. 

This led to Morgan's first True Free-range Potato Experience.  Free-range Potato is what I like to call her exposed bum.  Seeing as this nappy change was carried out in the middle of Buskett, it couldn't get any more Free-range than that, could it?

 Silliness ensued - 03Oct2012

At one point, we got Morgan out of her pushchair and  set her down on the grass, sitting up.  I was seated out of arm's reach from her, and asked her to give me her hands.

She leaned forward, and put her hands in mine - 03Oct2012

This, is what happened next:

She's awesome.

We took a bunch of photos whilst we were there, but these are my favourites:

Little Monster Attack! 03Oct2012

Love - 03Oct2012

:) - 03Oct2012

On Friday 5th October we were meant to take Morgan back to hospital for another test - this time it would have been a Nuclear Medicine DMSA Renal Scan.  A DMSA renal scan is a diagnostic imaging exam that evaluates the function, size, shape and position of the kidneys and detects scarring caused by frequent infections.  Technetium-99m DSMA (dimercapto succinic acid) is a radioisotope that is injected into the patient's veins through an IV prior to the scan. It goes directly to the kidneys.  A special camera, called a gamma camera, is used to take pictures of the kidneys and show how the kidneys are working.

This was not to be.

On Wednesday night, Morgan got high fever, so first thing in the morning, we went back to the hospital - this time to the A&E Room.  The Paediatrician on duty happened to be one of the doctor's following Morgan's case, so there was no need to explain the whole story.  A urine sample was collected, and 3 hours later I got a phone call to tell me that Morgan has another UTI.  Meaning, the DMSA scan needed to be postponed by another 6-8 weeks to allow the infection to be over and done with.

Fast forward to today - Today was the first day where fever was very low.  Hopefully by tomorrow it'll be gone.

I'm worried about what might happen next.  We were told that if Morgan doesn't undergo the operation,  she will be prone to UTIs all her life, and could end up with Kidney Failure of her left kidney.  I'm anxiously waiting for the Paediatric Surgeon's appointment, to find out exactly what is going to happen.

My greatest fear is seeing Morgan go into the operating theatre, and not seeing her come back out.

I'm thankful I've got HSS by my side to fight this battle with me - he's incredible.  In fact, this, is for him. 

To finish off on a positive note, Morgan's front bottom teeth have broken through.  I haven't managed to take a picture of them as yet, but as soon as I manage to, I'll be sure to post it. Damn, they're sharp!!!

When Love and Death Embrace

Although I know the chances are pretty remote, I can't help but wonder - what if something goes wrong?  During birth I mean. Apparently it is a thought that has been on my mind long enough to work its way into my dreams.

During my last nap, I dreamt that for some reason, I needed to undergo an emergency Cesarean Section - and was put under general anaesthetic. I somehow found myself at my parents' house when I woke up, clueless as to what had happened.  Creature was nowhere to be seen and was told that s/he was at my grandma's house being babysat by someone - my brother's fiancee, I think.  I was insisting  that I wanted to see Creature and I kept getting told there was no rush and that I needed rest. I asked how they had been feeding Creature and they told me they breastfed her.  They didn't need me to be awake to do that it seems.  I complained even more saying I needed to see Creature and that I didn't even know if it was a girl or a boy.  They ruined the surprise by saying "A girl, of course" and then I woke up from my dream.  It sucked.


An element that is pretty popular in literature and film is Death during Childbirth - the death of either mother or child, and having to make the decision  who to save - or the death of one of them or even both.  It is not as common nowadays within the 'developed' world, however it is an issue that is still existent.  All it takes is something as simple as an infection, or an oversight.

I wonder how many people go into the whole Pregnancy experience and are aware that as unlikely as it may be,this could very well be the death of them.  Everyone seems to be concerned about the welfare of the child but fail to remember that they too are at risk.

It may sound wrong - hell, even to me it sounds wrong! - but in all honesty, if asked whether I'd be willing to die for Creature to live, I don't know what I would say.  I wish I could tell you that I'd say yes in a heartbeat.  I am not saying I wouldn't give up my life for his/hers, mind you.  I just don't know. A lot of people claim they would take a bullet for their loved ones, or just die for them in general.  Faced with the situation though, how many would actually keep true to their word?

What about stillbirth? It happens. I have had to deal with a fair amount of death in my life and some deaths were tougher than others when it came to dealing with the whole mourning process.  I have no idea how it might affect me if I  had to face this kind of situation.  I cannot even begin to imagine the pain parents go through when similar events occur.  Having successfully carried the pregnancy to full-term, only to be told that your child died...

I can only hope that things will turn out well.