May we all have our hopes, our will to try

Hello? Is this thing on?

MY sincere apologies for being gone for so long! Life is crazily hectic - I guess you knew that already though.

So, here we are.

The blog turned ONE last November. Happy Belated Birthday, Blog!

Sorry! *pats Blog's head*

Since mid-August, we have been going to, and coming from, hospital on a regular basis due to Morgan's recurring UTIs.  I believe I had previously mentioned the plan re: her surgery.  It is meant to be happening on the 5th of February.

MEANT TO.

I got a phone call from hospital a couple of days ago saying "Sorry, the operation is now rescheduled to happen on the 2nd of April."

2ND APRIL?!

Needless to say, the above picture is a perfect depiction of what was going through my head the moment I heard the news.  This meant we were increasing the chances of Morgan getting a 4th infection by delaying the operation, and thus giving a bigger time window for a nasty bug to find its way into Morgan's system and defying the daily antibiotics.  It also meant I have to try and reschedule time off work.  And another thing - it means Morgan will spend a longer period of time on the antibiotics.  I dread the day she will no longer be on the meds - her poor immune system will get quite a shock!

And to think we were so close to finally being [potentially] over and done with this seemingly never ending saga!

Ah well.

On a more positive note - Morgan turns 11 months old today! I officially no longer have a baby - she has become a full-fledged toddler.

She is constantly cruising around the house and has become a super fast crawling machine.  She enjoys:

Bath time! [10Dec2012]

Spending time outdoors [15Dec2012]

Wreaking havoc! [15Dec2012]

Playing! [Yule 2012]

Exploring [Dec2012]

Feeding herself [31Dec2012]

She is amazing - a huge handful, but fun.  She loves books and is extremely inquisitive.

So far, she says "Ħeqq!", "Mama", "Papa", "Ejja", "Baba" [bottle], "Adda" [id-dawl], "Da" [duck]. [Ħeqq being a Maltese expression equivalent to 'oh' or shrugging one's shoulders, Ejja meaning 'Come' which she usually says when she wants us to pick her up, Adda being her way of saying Id-Dawl meaning 'The Light'].

Morgan has also mastered going down the small step that leads to the back yard.  It took her a few tries, but yesterday she managed to go down the step by crawling forward.  She then started crawling up and down the stair repeatedly.

Today she took hold of my hand and went down the same step by WALKING.  This was followed by her crawling up a full-sized step to get into the wash room without any help.

I fear one of these days I'll wake up and she'll be there, packing her bags telling me she's going to move out.  I know it will happen eventually, but I'd rather it didn't happen before another 18 years or so. 

Morgan is currently 79cm [31 inches] in height, with a head circumference of 48cm [19 inches].  She is wearing 12-18 month sized clothing comfortably, and is rapidly moving towards the 18-24 month sized clothing! We, my friends, have a ginormous child.  Her feet are way too wide for 'normal' shoes - out of the 10 pairs she owns [which is more than I own myself!] none fit her.  I'm in the process of trying to figure out her feet's measurements so that I can hunt for wide fitting toddler shoes.

Next month is her birthday! I've started working on getting everything together for said occasion - the invites are designed, and supplies are increasing.  Next I'll be working on what foodstuffs to prepare, whilst trying to come up with a venue.  Our home is too small to throw a party in, I think.  Any suggestions are welcome [as long as they're not McDonald's. She's too young for that and I'd rather not encourage junk food consumption, anyway.].

Now, for the cliché section: Today is NYE.  Therefore an End of Year statement is expected.

This year for me has been one of the hardest - if not the hardest - ever.  Nevertheless, it has been the happiest year of my life.  There were so many Firsts! So many new things to learn and to experience! I went through childbirth [albeit via C-section], learnt how to look after someone else to the extent of it being a life-or-death matter, learnt how to change a nappy whilst in zombie mode,  prepare bottles and baby food, and a million other things.  I learnt the joys and the sorrows of Motherhood.  Or at least, I've learnt the better part of the first chapter of Motherhood.  There will undoubtedly be much more hurdles to overcome and a lot more joys to experience.

I also came to realise, and accept, that I have finally found my soul mate.  For the first time ever, I'm in a relationship where obstacles and problems have been thrown in our way ever since day one, however we managed to face every challenge together and become closer as a consequence.  This is probably the one relationship with the most difficulties I've ever experienced - and I'm happy.  Goes to show that communication truly is the key to keep things plain sailing.

2012 has also been the first year since the year 2000 during which I have not attended a funeral.  Having said that, my family's she-dog did get put to sleep shortly after Morgan was born, so it wasn't an entirely death-free year.  Still - I'm grateful for a break from mourning newly deceased friends and family members.  Hopefully I'm not jinxing it since there's still 13 and a half hours to go until the end of the year is official.

Another good thing that happened this year was becoming an Admin on the wonderful Facebook community known as The Pagan Mama.  It is always a joy posting stuff and interacting with the Mamas, Papas and Friends forming part of the community.  It is pretty much the closest thing to a 'mummy club' I'll ever get to - and that's perfectly fine with me!

A fair number of friends and acquaintances have also had a lot on their plate this year - people they knew or were related to passed away, a good number had to handle major illnesses and are still battling them, break-ups and a plethora of other occurrences. To you all, my beloved, I'd like to say one thing. And that's:

So, in conclusion - THANK YOU to everyone who made this year the way it was.  A special thank you goes to my wonderful man - who is the best Father Morgan could have ever hoped for, and who is also the one I hope to have with me for the rest of my days.  And ultimately, thank you to Morgan - my beautiful, inquisitive, courageous, free spirited, good, perfect, happy daughter who made my life worth living, and who made me proud to call myself Mama'.

Lots of love.

See you next year!

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey

Today was THE DAY- i.e. the day when I get to take Morgan to hospital and get the results of her Genetic Profiling - meaning I would find out if she's a Down's Baby or not.  Before getting to the big revelation, I'll give you a background of what a day from hell it has been.

At about 3am, I gave Morgan her bottle and changed her nappy, and then went to the kitchen to prepare her next feeds and to enjoy a middle-of-the-night snack and hot beverage.  Yes, I just heard the words 'hot beverage' being spoken in my head by The Big Bang Theory's Dr Sheldon Cooper.  Oops - there we go again.

A thunder-cum-hailstorm broke loose out of nowhere.  And then it happened.  It was 4am. One moment I'm doing a Word Search, the next, a loud POP! was heard and the lights went out.

"FuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckFUCK!" I thought to myself.  Hugh, my laptop, was on standby, plugged in.  I ran to unplug it, whilst hoping it will still work once I give it a shot, to prevent any other possible damages.  I checked on Morgan, and told my mum there was a blackout.  Upon checking the circuit breaker, it turned out the issue must be related to the Electricity Main Thingy.  Great.

My grandma woke up and herself, my mum and I ended up bickering over what could be the issue.  Because you know, each one of us is a Certified Electrician, right?  Anyway. Everyone went back to sleep and I nodded off for about an hour until it was time to wake up.

I got Morgan fed and changed and cleaned up, then got ready myself.  It was soon after that hell broke loose over how on Earth I was meant to get to hospital.  Due to the sudden weather change, bussing it was out of the question, and the  taxi service I called was unavailable.  After a while, my brother managed to pick us up and drive us there.

A brief struggle to install the car seat and a mostly traffic-free drive later, and we were there.  My mum accompanied us to help me carry the car seat + Morgan as they are bloody heavy!  The Doc we had the appointment with hadn't arrived yet, so we sat in the waiting room, and did just that - we waited.

The wait was rather nerve-wrecking.  In the meanwhile, I received a message via Facebook from Morgan's Paternal Granny to say that Morgan's Paternal Great-granddad had passed away earlier this morning.  Yet another death that has affected someone close to me this year - brings the toll up to 5 in total.  It is rather sad that Morgan will now never have the opportunity to meet him, but I'm told that he was shown her photos and that made him smile.  So at least, there's that.  Now, we wait to see if this will impact her Paternal Granny's visit or not.  If the visit has to be rescheduled, then so be it.  It is a matter of prioritising after all.  If everything stays the same though, it would mean that we get Morgan's Paternal Granny over here on Saturday! Exciting stuff!

I was looking around me, observing other babies and children.  There was one colicky baby, who went bright red and just wouldn't stop crying.  Soon after, another baby joined in and started wailing as well.  I smiled, a bit smugly, I admit, at Morgan - who was asleep - and told her "Good girl, not to give in to peer pressure!"  This provoked a quizzical look and some chuckles from my mum.

I then was observing a boy - who was perhaps 10 years old - who seemed to have some disability. I didn't realise this until I heard him speak. That is when I looked at Morgan, a bit choked up and thought to myself how easy it is for a disability to stay hidden from the world, and how anxious I was to get the results. I kept hoping and hoping that everything would be fine.  Given the day's start though, I wasn't hopeful, to be honest.

Then, the Doc walked in and soon after we were summoned.

Doc said she was still waiting for Morgan's notes, and after a few moments, she broke the news.

Does Morgan seem Down to you?

No?

THAT IS BECAUSE SHE IS NOT A DOWN'S BABY!

The tests came back perfectly fine!  I was overjoyed to hear this, albeit it was a delayed reaction since I think I was somewhat shocked.  I had been preparing myself for the worst, just in case, so it was a bit of a dream-like situation.

Doc then weighed and measured Morgan - She now weighs 4.09kg [9lbs] and is 52.7cm [20.7inches] tall.  She'll be 5 weeks old tomorrow.  Quite impressive, at least to me!

Whatever else goes wrong throughout the day won't matter.  I know Morgan is well, and that is all that matters to me.

Don't drink and drive...

This week is when Morgan's blood tests re: chromosome count should be ready.  I probably won't get the results until next week though, seeing as we have a hospital appointment.  As mentioned previously, I'm not overly concerned however I can't help but be anxious about it.  I just want to see it black on white that everything is in order.

It isn't the challenges we'd face should she turn out to be a Down's baby - it is more a case of knowing she will have a shorter than average life.

A few days ago, someone I know was involved in a car accident and is now in a coma.  I'm hoping she pulls through.  I can't help but think of all those I've seen die over the years.  I miss each and every one of them.  A minimum of 1 funeral a year, for the past 12 years, isn't something that has been easy to deal with.

I do believe I've found an optimal solution for drunk driving incidents though.  I reckon everyone should skate instead of drive a vehicle.  That way, should the person be intoxicated, they'll fall flat on their face/arse the moment they attempt to get rolling.  Plus, it is eco-friendly! And would help people get in shape.  Win/win/win! So much win!

How much is that doggy in the window?

Yesterday was a good day to die it seems. My family's she-dog was laid to rest. Her body was shutting down and she was suffering as a consequence, so the extremely tough decision to put her down had to be taken.
Cara was a very ladylike dog - her manners were very mild and gentle. When she'd be given some yummy treat, she would gently pick it up with her mouth, and carry it to some corner where she could nibble at it in peace. She was very vocal whenever someone she didn't like walked by. She'd be like "You! Get out of my territory!" - almost like the canine version of an elderly person yelling at youths to get off their lawn. Had she owned a walking stick, I'm sure she's have shaken it too.
I didn't get the opportunity to say bye - with Morgan being unwell yesterday, I opted to stay at home lest she get worse. Unfortunately Cara and Morgan never got to meet.
I hope that Whiskey, my other dog, won't grieve too much. He has known Cara all his life. She was a mother figure to him, before becoming like a sister, and later a potential love interest. He would be eating from the food bowl, and when told to allow her to eat, he'd walk away and allow her to eat as much as she'd want, and only then finish the leftovers off.
I cannot have any pets at my own place - however I firmly believe children should grow up around animals. I've always had a dog or two in my life. It taught me what mutual respect and selfless love are all about. I'm glad Whiskey is so good tempered - Morgan will have the pleasure of knowing him as she grows up.
Pluto, my sister's dog, seems to have accepted Morgan and just observes her from a distance for the time being. I still don't trust him, but it isn't as bad as I thought it might be.
Morgan seems to be doing better today. Her nose isn't as stuffy and the saline spray + bulb syringe combo seems to be doing the trick.
My mum and I might take her out for a stroll today, seeing as the weather is as nice as yesterday's so far.
Today involved one major achievement - Morgan managed to turn her head to face the other side, and back, whilst laying on her belly. That is one strong neck she's got, I tell ye! She's also trying to lift herself off her belly using her knees and feet.

The Wheel Keeps On Turning

As some of you may know, at the moment there is a bit of a chaotic situation happening within my family healthwise.  I really think the hospital should assign us a room to pitch a tent in and save us the trouble of coming and going there on a regular basis.

My grandmother was released from hospital 3 days ago after being there for about 10 days due to her doctor's suspicions  that she might be having early signs of renal failure and/or gastric issues.  She wasn't able to take any of her meds for a while as she couldn't hold anything she's ingest down.  At hospital they put her on intravenous medications and she responded to treatment very quickly. 

The issue is this - since being sent back home, she went back to square one.  Meaning, this evening, she got referred back to hospital by her doc.  She is currently laying on a stretcher in the Emergency Room with my mum to keep her company, waiting for a bed to be assigned to her and for more tests to be carried out.

This year is a year of radical changes within my family.  Not only is Creature due any minute now, but my brother is also getting married later on in the year.  These are both events that my Gran is really looking forward to.

Knowing how her health is failing her lately, it does make me wonder whether she will be around to witness these two events. As bad as this may sound, I am making a conscious effort to keep in mind that everyone is here on borrowed time, and that at 82years of age, she has had a good long life.  Kinda trying to prepare myself for the inevitable, since it must happen sooner or later.  I can only hope that it will be later though.

It also makes me wish for Creature to be born sooner, just to make sure she gets to meet him/her. Few people get to meet their great-grandchildren. I'd like her to be one of those few.

When Love and Death Embrace

Although I know the chances are pretty remote, I can't help but wonder - what if something goes wrong?  During birth I mean. Apparently it is a thought that has been on my mind long enough to work its way into my dreams.

During my last nap, I dreamt that for some reason, I needed to undergo an emergency Cesarean Section - and was put under general anaesthetic. I somehow found myself at my parents' house when I woke up, clueless as to what had happened.  Creature was nowhere to be seen and was told that s/he was at my grandma's house being babysat by someone - my brother's fiancee, I think.  I was insisting  that I wanted to see Creature and I kept getting told there was no rush and that I needed rest. I asked how they had been feeding Creature and they told me they breastfed her.  They didn't need me to be awake to do that it seems.  I complained even more saying I needed to see Creature and that I didn't even know if it was a girl or a boy.  They ruined the surprise by saying "A girl, of course" and then I woke up from my dream.  It sucked.


An element that is pretty popular in literature and film is Death during Childbirth - the death of either mother or child, and having to make the decision  who to save - or the death of one of them or even both.  It is not as common nowadays within the 'developed' world, however it is an issue that is still existent.  All it takes is something as simple as an infection, or an oversight.

I wonder how many people go into the whole Pregnancy experience and are aware that as unlikely as it may be,this could very well be the death of them.  Everyone seems to be concerned about the welfare of the child but fail to remember that they too are at risk.

It may sound wrong - hell, even to me it sounds wrong! - but in all honesty, if asked whether I'd be willing to die for Creature to live, I don't know what I would say.  I wish I could tell you that I'd say yes in a heartbeat.  I am not saying I wouldn't give up my life for his/hers, mind you.  I just don't know. A lot of people claim they would take a bullet for their loved ones, or just die for them in general.  Faced with the situation though, how many would actually keep true to their word?

What about stillbirth? It happens. I have had to deal with a fair amount of death in my life and some deaths were tougher than others when it came to dealing with the whole mourning process.  I have no idea how it might affect me if I  had to face this kind of situation.  I cannot even begin to imagine the pain parents go through when similar events occur.  Having successfully carried the pregnancy to full-term, only to be told that your child died...

I can only hope that things will turn out well.

Recalls and Safety Concerns

A few days ago, I wrote up a blog about Safety and mentioned that it is always a good idea to stay up to date on any recalls - especially if you're given stuff, or purchase stuff 2nd hand.  Then, last night, I wrote up a blog about Sleeping Furniture Options.  Well, guess what? Just an hour or two ago, I receive an email from a parenting newsletter I'm subscribed to listing the Biggest Recalls for the year 2011.  Needless to say, I thought I'd share it with you lovely people.

Item number one on the top 40 list happens to be drop-side cribs [or rather, cots, in British English].  My curiousity was peaked to find out whether this applies to all drop-side cots or just specific brands.  The main reason for that is that the one I have been given happens to be a drop-side cot.  This means that it is a topic that hits home.

The reason behind the US Government issuing a ban to take effect as of June 2012 re:sale and/or distribution of drop-side cots is that between 2007 and 2010, 150 reports of babies dying due to a fault in the drop-side cot have been reported.  A quick Google Search has given me a bit more insight on the topic.

This article gives a list of the most common issues when it comes to safety with this type of cot.

If you happen to own one of the recalled cots, hold your horses and don't throw it out just yet.  There are a number of steps you can follow.

• Check the CPSC website to see if your baby's crib has been recalled. Get a repair kit or exchange the crib if it is under recall. Do not try to repair a recalled crib on your own.
• Make sure that your baby's crib is assembled correctly and works properly.
• Check crib hardware periodically to be sure it hasn't loosened, broken or gone missing.
• If you buy a used crib, be certain all of the hardware and parts are included, and find an instruction book if there isn't one with the crib.

According to the Which? website - no similar ban has been introduced within Europe as of yet since EU standards are different to US standards - however good sense tells me to keep myself up-to-date as if one country is willing to issue a ban, then there must be some degree of intelligent reasoning behind it.  Here's some more advice from Which? regarding choosing cot beds with safety in mind.

If you need some tips on how to research recalls, you can clicky here.

Better safe than sorry!

As we all know, babies and toddlers need a lot of accessories, especially in their first few years.

There are a number of things that we automatically assume are normally found in a nursery and/or household with babies and toddlers present.  This issue is this - just because they are a normal sight, doesn't mean they're safe.

Let's have a look at a couple of items that are very commonly found in a child-friendly environment that are actually dangerous.

Baby walkers
You know, them wheely framed things you see babies zooming around in? The ones that can keep them amused for hours? Well, it turns out they are quite dangerous! I wasn't entirely surprised to find this out to be honest. Here are the facts:

• In 1997, baby walkers sent more than 14,000 babies to the hospital emergency room. Walkers were even involved in 34 deaths from 1973 to 1998.
• Many parents believe that such walkers teach a child to walk faster; however, studies suggest that it is not true, and they may actually delay walking by two to three weeks
• In Canada, the sale of baby walkers was banned on April 7, 2004.Canada is the first country in the world to ban the sale, importation and advertisement of baby walkers. This ban extends to modified and second hand baby walkers, including those sold at a yard sale or flea markets^. The Consumers Product Safety Improvement Act of 2008 (CPSIA) changed the items that were allowed to be sold at such sales. Owners of baby walkers may be fined up to $100,000 or sentenced to up to six months in jail.
• Babies learn to walk in part by watching and understanding how their feet and legs move. If a walker has a tray, they can't see what's happening with their lower body and don't get the information they need about their motor development.
•  In addition to falls down stairs and falls out of their walker, many infants are injured each year as their mobile baby walker makes them a little too mobile and able to get to things that would otherwise be out of reach. This may allow them to reach countertops and get burned or poisoned by things they pull down, drown by falling into a pool, bathtub, or toilet, or simply hurting their fingers and toes if they get pinched.

Cot Bumpers
Cot bumpers are those quilty things that are tied to the bars of a cot to make it fancier and to protect the baby from bashing his/her head against the cot's bars.

Although they offer some measure of safety, they are also pretty dangerous too. Should you opt to get a cot bumper set for your kidlet, please weight fully the pros and cons and make an informed decision.

Here are the facts:

• There can possibly be a danger of strangulation and/or suffocation if the baby’s head is smothered by a crib bumper or cot bumper pad. This can quite easily happen if one of the bumpers' ties becomes undone, causing it to flop down over the baby's face.  It can also happen if baby moves about a lot in his/her sleep and ends up pushing his/her face against the bumper.
• The baby can overheat with the restriction of air flow. Babies have little to no control over their body temperatures at first, so they can very easily end up overheating.  I personally couldn't stop giggling when I first read this. I kept picturing said baby as a robot, overheating and shutting down, just like computers would do. But it actually is just a sorry coincidence that the same word is used for both circumstances. If a baby overheats, it can lead to SIDS [a.k.a. cot death]
•  A baby can very easily choke on the bumper's ties if they come undone. After all, they are just thin strips of ribbon, commonly tied in a bow and/or a knot. Babies tend to like putting whatever they can put their hands on, in their mouth. Do the math.
• A cot bumper should be removed altogether once a baby is sitting, as it may be used as a lever to climb out of the cot.

Finally, one last bit of advice. Baby accessories are expensive. I should know. Meaning a lot of people do as I do, as get whatever they can off a friend, or buy it 2nd hand. This means that you will not automatically be alerted if an item is recalled by the manufacturer.  So do yourself a favour. Google is your friend. Research stuff before AND after you buy it.

I'll give you a brief example as to why.

I was looking at a variety of baby slings with the intention of buying one. I came across these really cool slings that looked just like a handbag.

Cool, right?

Well, it turns out they have been recalled because of 3 infant deaths.

Ignorance is not bliss. Knowledge is.

References: 
Baby Walkers :
http://www.ivillage.com/considering-baby-walker-learn-facts/6-a-127319
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baby_walker
http://www.babycenter.com/404_will-baby-walkers-and-jumpers-help-my-baby-learn-to-walk_6878.bc
http://pediatrics.about.com/od/agesandstages/i/baby_walkers.htm

Cot bumpers:
http://www.babynewhome.com/cot-bumpers/
http://forum.sofeminine.co.uk/forum/maternite1/__f3783_maternite1-Cot-bumpers.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sudden_infant_death_syndrome#Bumper_pads

Baby sling deaths:
http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml10/10177.html
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/baby-slings-pulled-market/story?id=10184555