May we all have our hopes, our will to try

Hello? Is this thing on?

MY sincere apologies for being gone for so long! Life is crazily hectic - I guess you knew that already though.

So, here we are.

The blog turned ONE last November. Happy Belated Birthday, Blog!

Sorry! *pats Blog's head*

Since mid-August, we have been going to, and coming from, hospital on a regular basis due to Morgan's recurring UTIs.  I believe I had previously mentioned the plan re: her surgery.  It is meant to be happening on the 5th of February.

MEANT TO.

I got a phone call from hospital a couple of days ago saying "Sorry, the operation is now rescheduled to happen on the 2nd of April."

2ND APRIL?!

Needless to say, the above picture is a perfect depiction of what was going through my head the moment I heard the news.  This meant we were increasing the chances of Morgan getting a 4th infection by delaying the operation, and thus giving a bigger time window for a nasty bug to find its way into Morgan's system and defying the daily antibiotics.  It also meant I have to try and reschedule time off work.  And another thing - it means Morgan will spend a longer period of time on the antibiotics.  I dread the day she will no longer be on the meds - her poor immune system will get quite a shock!

And to think we were so close to finally being [potentially] over and done with this seemingly never ending saga!

Ah well.

On a more positive note - Morgan turns 11 months old today! I officially no longer have a baby - she has become a full-fledged toddler.

She is constantly cruising around the house and has become a super fast crawling machine.  She enjoys:

Bath time! [10Dec2012]

Spending time outdoors [15Dec2012]

Wreaking havoc! [15Dec2012]

Playing! [Yule 2012]

Exploring [Dec2012]

Feeding herself [31Dec2012]

She is amazing - a huge handful, but fun.  She loves books and is extremely inquisitive.

So far, she says "Ħeqq!", "Mama", "Papa", "Ejja", "Baba" [bottle], "Adda" [id-dawl], "Da" [duck]. [Ħeqq being a Maltese expression equivalent to 'oh' or shrugging one's shoulders, Ejja meaning 'Come' which she usually says when she wants us to pick her up, Adda being her way of saying Id-Dawl meaning 'The Light'].

Morgan has also mastered going down the small step that leads to the back yard.  It took her a few tries, but yesterday she managed to go down the step by crawling forward.  She then started crawling up and down the stair repeatedly.

Today she took hold of my hand and went down the same step by WALKING.  This was followed by her crawling up a full-sized step to get into the wash room without any help.

I fear one of these days I'll wake up and she'll be there, packing her bags telling me she's going to move out.  I know it will happen eventually, but I'd rather it didn't happen before another 18 years or so. 

Morgan is currently 79cm [31 inches] in height, with a head circumference of 48cm [19 inches].  She is wearing 12-18 month sized clothing comfortably, and is rapidly moving towards the 18-24 month sized clothing! We, my friends, have a ginormous child.  Her feet are way too wide for 'normal' shoes - out of the 10 pairs she owns [which is more than I own myself!] none fit her.  I'm in the process of trying to figure out her feet's measurements so that I can hunt for wide fitting toddler shoes.

Next month is her birthday! I've started working on getting everything together for said occasion - the invites are designed, and supplies are increasing.  Next I'll be working on what foodstuffs to prepare, whilst trying to come up with a venue.  Our home is too small to throw a party in, I think.  Any suggestions are welcome [as long as they're not McDonald's. She's too young for that and I'd rather not encourage junk food consumption, anyway.].

Now, for the cliché section: Today is NYE.  Therefore an End of Year statement is expected.

This year for me has been one of the hardest - if not the hardest - ever.  Nevertheless, it has been the happiest year of my life.  There were so many Firsts! So many new things to learn and to experience! I went through childbirth [albeit via C-section], learnt how to look after someone else to the extent of it being a life-or-death matter, learnt how to change a nappy whilst in zombie mode,  prepare bottles and baby food, and a million other things.  I learnt the joys and the sorrows of Motherhood.  Or at least, I've learnt the better part of the first chapter of Motherhood.  There will undoubtedly be much more hurdles to overcome and a lot more joys to experience.

I also came to realise, and accept, that I have finally found my soul mate.  For the first time ever, I'm in a relationship where obstacles and problems have been thrown in our way ever since day one, however we managed to face every challenge together and become closer as a consequence.  This is probably the one relationship with the most difficulties I've ever experienced - and I'm happy.  Goes to show that communication truly is the key to keep things plain sailing.

2012 has also been the first year since the year 2000 during which I have not attended a funeral.  Having said that, my family's she-dog did get put to sleep shortly after Morgan was born, so it wasn't an entirely death-free year.  Still - I'm grateful for a break from mourning newly deceased friends and family members.  Hopefully I'm not jinxing it since there's still 13 and a half hours to go until the end of the year is official.

Another good thing that happened this year was becoming an Admin on the wonderful Facebook community known as The Pagan Mama.  It is always a joy posting stuff and interacting with the Mamas, Papas and Friends forming part of the community.  It is pretty much the closest thing to a 'mummy club' I'll ever get to - and that's perfectly fine with me!

A fair number of friends and acquaintances have also had a lot on their plate this year - people they knew or were related to passed away, a good number had to handle major illnesses and are still battling them, break-ups and a plethora of other occurrences. To you all, my beloved, I'd like to say one thing. And that's:

So, in conclusion - THANK YOU to everyone who made this year the way it was.  A special thank you goes to my wonderful man - who is the best Father Morgan could have ever hoped for, and who is also the one I hope to have with me for the rest of my days.  And ultimately, thank you to Morgan - my beautiful, inquisitive, courageous, free spirited, good, perfect, happy daughter who made my life worth living, and who made me proud to call myself Mama'.

Lots of love.

See you next year!

When the going gets tough

Lately it has been very difficult to keep up with life.  There have been a string of incidents where the phrases "everything you touch turns to shit" and "everything blows up in your face" can start conveying how stressful it has been.

It all started when Morgan was admitted to hospital with the UTI.  This was on the 17th of August.  Since then, we haven't had a break from negative events.  Two days after being sent home, we ended up taking her back to hospital and were told she had bronchitis.

Then, the moment she started recovering, we had a bike accident and I ended up unable to walk due to a severely sprained foot caused by the bike falling over it when we skidded - and this lasted about a week.  The moment I started hobbling and limping around, my elder sister's dog bit HSS, putting his hand out of action for about a week.

Just when we thought things were finally settling down, this week happened.

As a follow-up to the UTI Morgan had encountered, she had to undergo two medical tests - the first of which was on Tuesday 2nd October 2012.

HSS and I took her to hospital for the micturating cystourethrogram [MCUG].

"The what?" you might ask.

"The MCUG is a technique for watching a person's urethra and urinary bladder while the person urinates (voids). The technique consists of catheterising the person in order to fill the bladder with a radiocontrast agent, typically cystografin. Under fluoroscopy (real time x-rays) the radiologist watches the contrast enter the bladder and looks at the anatomy of the patient. If the contrast moves into the ureters and back into the kidneys, the radiologist makes the diagnosis of vesicoureteral reflux, and gives the degree of severity a score. The exam ends when the person voids while the radiologist is watching under fluoroscopy. Consumption of fluid promotes excretion of contrast media after the procedure. It is important to watch the contrast during voiding, because this is when the bladder has the most pressure, and it is most likely this is when reflux will occur.

Vesicoureteral reflux (kidney reflux) is diagnosed with an ultrasound and VCUG. Children who have recurrent urinary tract infections are given this test to determine the risk of subsequent infections causing potentially damaging kidney infections."

- derived from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Voiding_cystourethrogram

Just out of hospital - Wednesday 3rd October 2012

On Wednesday, HSS and I took Morgan back to hospital for a check-up with her paediatrician.  Turns out, the results form the previous day's test were out... and therefore bad news was delivered to us.


Morgan has Vesicoureteral reflux on her left side, and since urine is re-entering her left kidney, it is causing her these UTIs.  I lost count of how many times the doctor used the word "unfortunately".


So yeah - we have an appointment with the paediatric surgeon on the 24th of October.




Both HSS and myself were quite shaken by this news, and needed to get away from everyday life for a short while.

We took Morgan to Buskett for the first time ever.

First family outing @ Buskett - 3rd Oct 2012

Being in the midst of nature tends to have a calming effect on me.  I don't know if you have ever sat in the shade of a tree, and after chilling there for a while, you walked away refreshed.  I know I have.  Being away from the daily bustle and rush of modern day life was a welcome break - where no one disturbs you, and you're given a moment to take a deep breath and just... be.


Being there, with HSS and Morgan, felt good.  It was a much needed break.  I enjoyed watching Morgan be amazed at the rustling leaves, at the changing light, and the different smells and natural sounds around us.  


We found a spot hidden from the world, where the ground was covered in grass [not the kind that gets you high, mind you], and where there was quite a bit of shade for us to enjoy. 

This led to Morgan's first True Free-range Potato Experience.  Free-range Potato is what I like to call her exposed bum.  Seeing as this nappy change was carried out in the middle of Buskett, it couldn't get any more Free-range than that, could it?

 Silliness ensued - 03Oct2012

At one point, we got Morgan out of her pushchair and  set her down on the grass, sitting up.  I was seated out of arm's reach from her, and asked her to give me her hands.

She leaned forward, and put her hands in mine - 03Oct2012

This, is what happened next:

She's awesome.

We took a bunch of photos whilst we were there, but these are my favourites:

Little Monster Attack! 03Oct2012

Love - 03Oct2012

:) - 03Oct2012

On Friday 5th October we were meant to take Morgan back to hospital for another test - this time it would have been a Nuclear Medicine DMSA Renal Scan.  A DMSA renal scan is a diagnostic imaging exam that evaluates the function, size, shape and position of the kidneys and detects scarring caused by frequent infections.  Technetium-99m DSMA (dimercapto succinic acid) is a radioisotope that is injected into the patient's veins through an IV prior to the scan. It goes directly to the kidneys.  A special camera, called a gamma camera, is used to take pictures of the kidneys and show how the kidneys are working.

This was not to be.

On Wednesday night, Morgan got high fever, so first thing in the morning, we went back to the hospital - this time to the A&E Room.  The Paediatrician on duty happened to be one of the doctor's following Morgan's case, so there was no need to explain the whole story.  A urine sample was collected, and 3 hours later I got a phone call to tell me that Morgan has another UTI.  Meaning, the DMSA scan needed to be postponed by another 6-8 weeks to allow the infection to be over and done with.

Fast forward to today - Today was the first day where fever was very low.  Hopefully by tomorrow it'll be gone.

I'm worried about what might happen next.  We were told that if Morgan doesn't undergo the operation,  she will be prone to UTIs all her life, and could end up with Kidney Failure of her left kidney.  I'm anxiously waiting for the Paediatric Surgeon's appointment, to find out exactly what is going to happen.

My greatest fear is seeing Morgan go into the operating theatre, and not seeing her come back out.

I'm thankful I've got HSS by my side to fight this battle with me - he's incredible.  In fact, this, is for him. 

To finish off on a positive note, Morgan's front bottom teeth have broken through.  I haven't managed to take a picture of them as yet, but as soon as I manage to, I'll be sure to post it. Damn, they're sharp!!!

Yummy, Yummy, Yummy, I got love in my tummy

It has begun.

"What's this?" [25June2012]

 

I woke up rather early and went out to buy supplies.  I bought her these awesome heat sensing spoons by Tommee Tippee which change colour to show you that the food is hot, some freezer tubs, and lots of different foods by Organix.  Once back home, I labelled the food fior easy recognition and put ti all away in Morgan's cupboard.

At first, I was finding it all to be way too daunting and was going to postpone the First Weaning Experience til the following day.  I changed my mind a few moments later though as I was way too excited to give it a shot and see what happens! 

HSS and I sat Morgan down in her highchair, and put on a bib round her neck.  I chose the try out this thingy here first. 

NOM! [25June2012]

I scooped up a tiny bit of food and fed it to Morgan.  I held my breath to see what would happen.

What's this?! [25June2012]

Morgan's reaction seemed to be "What's this thing she's putting in my mouth? Why can't I suck on it? What's this new taste? THIS IS ALL SO STRANGE!! AND STOP TAKING PHOTOS OF ME WHILST I TRY TO FIGURE IT ALL OUT!!!!!!!!!"

"I'm so confused!!" [25June2012]

She was hungry and seemed to like it, but couldn't get how she was meant to do it.  Her tongue kept darting in and out, dropping half of the food out of her mouth and down her cute little strawberry-shaped chin.

:D [25June2012]

HSS was taking shitloads of photos in the meanwhile, dancing around us with his phone, enjoying the scene unfolding in front of his gorgeous eyes, and yet being antsy due to wanting to try and feed Morgan himself but not really daring interrupt.


Having noticed his eagerness to give it a try, I handed over the spoon and my seat, and went camera-happy myself.

Hand-over completed! [25June2012]

The first spoonful fed to Morgan by HSS was accompanied by this tune here being hummed.  I couldn't stop giggling at the nerdiness of it all.  Poor Morgan is doomed! Muahahahaha.

"Why are you making strange sounds? AND WHY ARE YOU NOT FEEDING ME?!" [25June2012]

Morgan grew more and more perplexed but seemed to be enjoying the New Noms. 

Omnomnomnomnomnom! [25June2012]

Morgan's tongue kept darting in and out, however she repeatedly lent forward towards the spoon, indicating she wanted more. 

Food is fun! [25June2012]

It was really fun watching HSS and Morgan go through the whole process - this was one hell of a First for all three of us!

"Ok, just a little bit more." [25June2012]

After a short while, Morgan started getting frustrated at too many new things to deal with all at once - new flavours, new textures, new feeding method and new feeding equipment, and ultimately, sitting in a highchair instead of being held in our arms whilst being fed.   She was clearly hungry, and not in the mood to keep experimenting for much longer.

 

Is it time for my milk yet?! IS IT?! [25June2012]

When she started showing signs of distress, we stopped the First Meal and gave her her bottle as usual - which she drained happily.


Since then, we're trying the weaning thing twice a day - breakfast and lunch just before giving her her bottle.  With every Feeding Session, she eats a little bit more, and is slowly getting the hang of it!

On other news, Morgan's second tooth is breaking through! This one is on the left bottom side - it is either a canine or a molar, I'm not entirely sure. Tiny gums with no teeth make it difficult to say until the tooth emerges completely.  Poor girl is in quite a bit of pain lately - however thankfully the Dentinox Teething Gel seems to do the trick in soothing her.

I'm currently trying my best to make the most out of the remaining days before this week is through.  Monday is Back To Work for me.  Eh, I'm dreading it to be honest - not because I don't like the job - I do. I missed it actually!  I'm just not looking forward to spending so little time with Morgan and HSS.  Morgan discovers something new every day - at least one thing evolves in her behaviour and in her physical appearance.  Her First Word, First Crawl, First Step and a plethora of other Firsts are bound to happen at any given moment - and I'm likely to miss out on those milestones.  I wish I could be a Stay-At-Home Mum, however it is in Morgan's best interest that I be a Working Mum. 

Busy as a bee

Excuse the lack of posts - at the moment, I'm a bit stressed out and somewhat busy so whenever I start writing,I have to stop before I finish whatever it is and end up not posting it until a few days have gone by. I am currently working on a post that will include details from Saturday up until the day when I will post it.

I might not be able to post as regularly as I have done in the past, but I still want to document every single day at the best of my abilities.  Not just for you lot, or for me, but for Morgan as well.


Until I get round to posting the aforementioned blog post, I'll leave you with this:

9th April 2012, in Valletta

Home Sweet Home

Today is the BIG Day - Morgan and I are going HOME!

I woke up at about 6.30am to feed Morgan and change her nappy, and right after the deed was done, I crashed again. I then woke up at about 9.30am-ish to be told that Morgan had stayed up for about an hour after I fell asleep, just staring at stuff and making her noises. Good girl!

My mum changed Morgan's nappy as the changer a friend gave me died on us a couple of days ago, and since the bed is quite low for me, my back ends up becoming a painful mess. Once all cleaned up, I fed Morgan, burped her and started gathering our last bits and bobs. This resulted in 6 bagfuls of stuff.

My mum, Morgan and I set off on our Pilgrimage to Paris.

Half-way there, it dawned on me! I had forgotten my phone and the charger! CRAP. I asked my mum to wait for me with Morgan at the Paola Playgrounds and I set off to go retrieve the forgotten Raspberry (my phone). Upon my return, Morgan and my mum were nowhere to be seen. I called my mum and she said she was a street away, waiting for me as Morgan "wanted to leave the playgrounds.". That's my mum's way of saying the smoking ban at the Playgrounds sucks and she opted to wait for me elsewhere.

We continued our journey, and made a pit stop at a cafeteria. Our stop didn't last long - just long enough for a coffee and a slice of pie. Mmmmmm pie.

At long last, WE ARRIVED! Paris had never seemed so homely yet daunting to me. "This is it," I thought - not without having Michael Jackson sing songs in my head.

This is the beginning of the rest of our lives. No back-up, no adult company, none of that - now it is just Morgan and myself.

My mum spent some time at my place with us to help me tidy up the back yard. She fed Morgan whilst I started putting away our things, but left soon after.

I'm happy to report that so far, things are well. Dusk is rapidly approaching and the dauntingness is increasing. Don't get me wrong - before we left hospital, it was just the two of us. However, nurses and midwives were close-by. This time, it will depend entirely on me 24/7.
 
It feels as if I started motherhood all over again - back to square one.

I'm far from done putting our stuff away, however I'm going to stop for now and just lay in bed with Morgan until her next feed is due. I need to pace myself in order not to tire myself out, otherwise I'm screwed.

Toodles!

This is no place for children!

Before getting pregnant, I was one of those people who would grumble if I happen to be anywhere public - like a restaurant or cafeteria - which features a screaming baby/toddler. "This is no place for a child. Why don't they get someone to babysit? Or check in advance whether it is a child-friendly environment?" I'd say to whoever happens to be with me.

I'm sure the majority - or at least, a fair number - would have checked in advance - had they had the opportunity to do so.  I have yet to see on a website any mention of whether the restaurant/cafe' is child-friendly or not [excluding places such as McDonald's/Burger King where one takes these things for granted].  Making a "quick phone call" might be  the last thing the parent[s] find time for - considering how demanding children can be, and how many things said parent needs to remember to juggle.  Also, sometimes, you just want to go some place with the child. Or, a baby sitter is not an option [due to lack of contacts/funds/pick-up and drop-off arrangements].

You don't really look out for ramps that will make entrance with a pushchair/pram easier, or baby changers, or high chairs, unless you're either pregnant, or have children of your own.  I've been trying to keep track of which places have the aforementioned facilities, and which don't.  Needless to say, I'm failing as I have become rather forgetful. Perhaps, I should start writing these things down [if I remember].

My suggestion to the catering/entertainment establishments is this:
Put it in writing. Any child-related facilities existing in your establishment should be promoted on your websites. It will be good for business - both in setting all customers' expectations, as well as attracting new business.

Bottom line? Simple. Help us help you.