I had to take Morgan's urine samples to hospital for them to test to ensure that her UTI is gone.
That, in itself, sounds simple enough, no?
It would have been, had the doc I spoke to about a week ago over the phone given me clear instructions. This was not the case though - seems like the generic attitude is "If we know how to do stuff, and know what the random abbreviations and bombastic terminologies mean, then so should everyone else."
First thing in the morning - before I had even had my coffee, I joined my mum in the First Attempt at collecting said urine sample from Morgan.
We had to use this plastic bag here:
The yellow rectangle seen on the right bag gets peeled off and beneath it is adhesive that covers the oval hole. Around the hole is padding, which can be seen on the left bag.
Honestly, the moment I opened it, I was perplexed. You'd think a plastic bag is easy to figure out. I couldn't make out if the adhesive was meant to be able to seal the bag once the sample has been collected, or whether it was meant to be used to stick the bag to Morgan's girlybits.
Having a squirming baby on the bed, threatening to maybe-pee-maybe-not doesn't make it a good time to google instructions on how said plastic bag should be used.
I figured I'd use the adhesive bit to be able to seal the bag. To me, it made more sense than risk causing an allergic reaction by applying the adhesive to Morgan's skin. After all, I don't know what allergies she could potentially suffer from at this point in time. Having friends who are severely allergic to adhesive makes me think twice before I apply it to someone's skin.
I had a gut feeling that this would end up in disaster by the time I get my arse to hospital - but I thought "Fuck it. There is only one way to find out."
So - about 5 minutes later, I convinced Morgan to drink some of her milk, which prompted an instantaneous pee stream.
Bag safely sealed and stored in my bag, and Morgan's ID number also safely tucked inside my bag, I set off to catch the bus to drop off the sample.
Some half an hour later, I got to hospital. 15 minutes later, I found the right ward, only to find out that the bag had leaked, and therefore the sample was no longer usable due to it not being sterile.
That was when the nurse I spoke to explained exactly how much urine was required, and how the sample should be collected.
Seems like after the plastic bag is used to collect said sample, sample then needs to be transferred into this container:
I was also told that they actually would be needing 2 - not just the one.
Thankfully HSS managed to pick me up from hospital, and help me get Morgan to provide us with the required samples.
Since she isn't able to pee on demand, we ended up having to trickle some water on her belly and for me to gently prod-slash-massage the bladder region of her belly.
A few minutes later, I had both samples safely stored in my bag, and once more we set off to hospital.
Once we got there, I spoke to the same nurse-dude again, who referred us to some she-doctor who was more interested in catching up with her friend-she-doctor and to gossip about the new ward that is being set up rather than telling us wtf would be happening or whether we needed to do anything else.
After standing some 5 minutes behind the counter of the nurses' station waiting for her to tell us that we could go, listening to her blabbering the day away, I asked her whether she needed to tell us anything or whether we could go. She-doctor goes "Oh sorry yes you can go." The look on her face said 'Where did you two come from? Are you martians? What was I doing?'
According to HSS, I used "The Voice" when I asked she-doc whether we could go. To quote him, there were icicles and ice stalagmites forming with every word I said to her. I suppose I do not appreciate rudeness.
To me, this was the equivalent of someone walking into a French Cuisine restaurant for the first time, not knowing what to expect, placing an order for some dish they don't know exactly what it should look like, and not knowing whether cutlery should be used to eat said dish. Some guidance from the person attending to your needs would be immensely appreciated, I would think.
Anyway - enough ranting and raving.
The good thing that happened today is that I could spend a lot of time with Morgan. I can never get enough of her. I enjoy her company - she's awesome. She was in a good mood today, so was quite laid back and playful.
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