Monday, 23 July 2012


Sorry, I know I've been gone for a few weeks. I'm back to work and life is hectic as hell.

During the week, if I'm lucky, I get an hour with Morgan before she falls asleep. I get more or less the same amount of time to spend with HSS if I can manage to stay awake until he gets home from work.

Needless to say, I try and compensate during the weekend but it doesn't always work out.

This week just gone, I had a horrible bout of toothache which by Saturday had me in tears and forced me to take a trip to hospital in order to get the tooth pulled out. This meant I didn't get much time with Morgan as I was in no condition to look after her. Thankfully, HSS and my mum had that covered whilst I was MIA.

Today at work, I just had what you could call a panic/anxiety attack. This was due to knowing Morgan is being looked after by someone other than my mum or HSS. Due to circumstances beyond anyone's control, getting an acquaintance to babysit was the only option. I had been feeling palpitations for an hour and a half, after which I was so nauseous I had to run to the toilets. This, my dearies, is what being worried sick feels like.

On a more positive note, Morgan is well, and happy. For the past week she has been trying to get up on all fours to try and crawl, but so far she's only managed to move a "step" backwards. It is a matter of days now til she manages.

Off to work again!
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18July2012 - Bathtime fun!

Sunday, 1 July 2012

If they wanna get me making toys, If they wanna get me, well, I got no choice

Tomorrow is the day I rejoin the "Real World" - and quite frankly, the "Real World" sucks.

I'm trying to figure out the effin buses that will take me to work, since the ever-so-clever new Bus Company that took over about a year or so ago decided to remove the bus stop that was the closest to my work place. 

For the coming 5 weeks, I'll barely be seeing Morgan other than whilst she's asleep - or half-asleep, anyway - and I'll see even less of HSS.  This will be followed by another 7 weeks of barely seeing HSS but thankfully, of spending more time with Morgan.  I can't wait til I'm on my proper shift so that I'll get some time with both HSS and Morgan - as it should be.

These past few months have been like a dream - spending every day with the two of them... Knowing that those days will now be over is somewhat painful.  I'm way too aware of how quickly Morgan learns new things and how quickly she's growing.  Spending time away from My Family will hurt. 

At least, Morgan will be spending most of her time with family anyway.  It just sucks being denied the opportunity to see her grow up step by step.

Cuddling up in front of the TV [1st July 2012]

I envy SATMs.  Stay-at-home-Mums, that is.  Or rather, Stay-at-home-Parents, anyway.  I guess the grass is always greener on the other side.  I know SATPs who are dying to go out in the Employment World - and Working Parents [like Yours Truly] who are dying to be with their child[ren] every single day.

I made my own bed, I know, and I will lie in it.  I have to keep reminding myself that it will be better for Morgan in the long run, this way.  I'll be able to provide for her financially much better than what I would be able to had I opted to quit my job and become a SATM. 

And yet, I can't help but wish I could be a SATM. 

Egoistically speaking, I am also what I commonly refer to as "meh" about not having as much time with HSS.  It mainly is knowing that by the time we get 5 minutes together during which we can talk, we'll both be too tired to actually make the most out of it.