When the going gets tough

Lately it has been very difficult to keep up with life.  There have been a string of incidents where the phrases "everything you touch turns to shit" and "everything blows up in your face" can start conveying how stressful it has been.

It all started when Morgan was admitted to hospital with the UTI.  This was on the 17th of August.  Since then, we haven't had a break from negative events.  Two days after being sent home, we ended up taking her back to hospital and were told she had bronchitis.

Then, the moment she started recovering, we had a bike accident and I ended up unable to walk due to a severely sprained foot caused by the bike falling over it when we skidded - and this lasted about a week.  The moment I started hobbling and limping around, my elder sister's dog bit HSS, putting his hand out of action for about a week.

Just when we thought things were finally settling down, this week happened.

As a follow-up to the UTI Morgan had encountered, she had to undergo two medical tests - the first of which was on Tuesday 2nd October 2012.

HSS and I took her to hospital for the micturating cystourethrogram [MCUG].

"The what?" you might ask.

"The MCUG is a technique for watching a person's urethra and urinary bladder while the person urinates (voids). The technique consists of catheterising the person in order to fill the bladder with a radiocontrast agent, typically cystografin. Under fluoroscopy (real time x-rays) the radiologist watches the contrast enter the bladder and looks at the anatomy of the patient. If the contrast moves into the ureters and back into the kidneys, the radiologist makes the diagnosis of vesicoureteral reflux, and gives the degree of severity a score. The exam ends when the person voids while the radiologist is watching under fluoroscopy. Consumption of fluid promotes excretion of contrast media after the procedure. It is important to watch the contrast during voiding, because this is when the bladder has the most pressure, and it is most likely this is when reflux will occur.

Vesicoureteral reflux (kidney reflux) is diagnosed with an ultrasound and VCUG. Children who have recurrent urinary tract infections are given this test to determine the risk of subsequent infections causing potentially damaging kidney infections."

- derived from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Voiding_cystourethrogram

Just out of hospital - Wednesday 3rd October 2012

On Wednesday, HSS and I took Morgan back to hospital for a check-up with her paediatrician.  Turns out, the results form the previous day's test were out... and therefore bad news was delivered to us.


Morgan has Vesicoureteral reflux on her left side, and since urine is re-entering her left kidney, it is causing her these UTIs.  I lost count of how many times the doctor used the word "unfortunately".


So yeah - we have an appointment with the paediatric surgeon on the 24th of October.




Both HSS and myself were quite shaken by this news, and needed to get away from everyday life for a short while.

We took Morgan to Buskett for the first time ever.

First family outing @ Buskett - 3rd Oct 2012

Being in the midst of nature tends to have a calming effect on me.  I don't know if you have ever sat in the shade of a tree, and after chilling there for a while, you walked away refreshed.  I know I have.  Being away from the daily bustle and rush of modern day life was a welcome break - where no one disturbs you, and you're given a moment to take a deep breath and just... be.


Being there, with HSS and Morgan, felt good.  It was a much needed break.  I enjoyed watching Morgan be amazed at the rustling leaves, at the changing light, and the different smells and natural sounds around us.  


We found a spot hidden from the world, where the ground was covered in grass [not the kind that gets you high, mind you], and where there was quite a bit of shade for us to enjoy. 

This led to Morgan's first True Free-range Potato Experience.  Free-range Potato is what I like to call her exposed bum.  Seeing as this nappy change was carried out in the middle of Buskett, it couldn't get any more Free-range than that, could it?

 Silliness ensued - 03Oct2012

At one point, we got Morgan out of her pushchair and  set her down on the grass, sitting up.  I was seated out of arm's reach from her, and asked her to give me her hands.

She leaned forward, and put her hands in mine - 03Oct2012

This, is what happened next:

She's awesome.

We took a bunch of photos whilst we were there, but these are my favourites:

Little Monster Attack! 03Oct2012

Love - 03Oct2012

:) - 03Oct2012

On Friday 5th October we were meant to take Morgan back to hospital for another test - this time it would have been a Nuclear Medicine DMSA Renal Scan.  A DMSA renal scan is a diagnostic imaging exam that evaluates the function, size, shape and position of the kidneys and detects scarring caused by frequent infections.  Technetium-99m DSMA (dimercapto succinic acid) is a radioisotope that is injected into the patient's veins through an IV prior to the scan. It goes directly to the kidneys.  A special camera, called a gamma camera, is used to take pictures of the kidneys and show how the kidneys are working.

This was not to be.

On Wednesday night, Morgan got high fever, so first thing in the morning, we went back to the hospital - this time to the A&E Room.  The Paediatrician on duty happened to be one of the doctor's following Morgan's case, so there was no need to explain the whole story.  A urine sample was collected, and 3 hours later I got a phone call to tell me that Morgan has another UTI.  Meaning, the DMSA scan needed to be postponed by another 6-8 weeks to allow the infection to be over and done with.

Fast forward to today - Today was the first day where fever was very low.  Hopefully by tomorrow it'll be gone.

I'm worried about what might happen next.  We were told that if Morgan doesn't undergo the operation,  she will be prone to UTIs all her life, and could end up with Kidney Failure of her left kidney.  I'm anxiously waiting for the Paediatric Surgeon's appointment, to find out exactly what is going to happen.

My greatest fear is seeing Morgan go into the operating theatre, and not seeing her come back out.

I'm thankful I've got HSS by my side to fight this battle with me - he's incredible.  In fact, this, is for him. 

To finish off on a positive note, Morgan's front bottom teeth have broken through.  I haven't managed to take a picture of them as yet, but as soon as I manage to, I'll be sure to post it. Damn, they're sharp!!!

Panic!

Sorry, I know I've been gone for a few weeks. I'm back to work and life is hectic as hell.

During the week, if I'm lucky, I get an hour with Morgan before she falls asleep. I get more or less the same amount of time to spend with HSS if I can manage to stay awake until he gets home from work.

Needless to say, I try and compensate during the weekend but it doesn't always work out.

This week just gone, I had a horrible bout of toothache which by Saturday had me in tears and forced me to take a trip to hospital in order to get the tooth pulled out. This meant I didn't get much time with Morgan as I was in no condition to look after her. Thankfully, HSS and my mum had that covered whilst I was MIA.

Today at work, I just had what you could call a panic/anxiety attack. This was due to knowing Morgan is being looked after by someone other than my mum or HSS. Due to circumstances beyond anyone's control, getting an acquaintance to babysit was the only option. I had been feeling palpitations for an hour and a half, after which I was so nauseous I had to run to the toilets. This, my dearies, is what being worried sick feels like.

On a more positive note, Morgan is well, and happy. For the past week she has been trying to get up on all fours to try and crawl, but so far she's only managed to move a "step" backwards. It is a matter of days now til she manages.

Off to work again!
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from GO Mobile

18July2012 - Bathtime fun!

Yummy, Yummy, Yummy, I got love in my tummy

It has begun.

"What's this?" [25June2012]

 

I woke up rather early and went out to buy supplies.  I bought her these awesome heat sensing spoons by Tommee Tippee which change colour to show you that the food is hot, some freezer tubs, and lots of different foods by Organix.  Once back home, I labelled the food fior easy recognition and put ti all away in Morgan's cupboard.

At first, I was finding it all to be way too daunting and was going to postpone the First Weaning Experience til the following day.  I changed my mind a few moments later though as I was way too excited to give it a shot and see what happens! 

HSS and I sat Morgan down in her highchair, and put on a bib round her neck.  I chose the try out this thingy here first. 

NOM! [25June2012]

I scooped up a tiny bit of food and fed it to Morgan.  I held my breath to see what would happen.

What's this?! [25June2012]

Morgan's reaction seemed to be "What's this thing she's putting in my mouth? Why can't I suck on it? What's this new taste? THIS IS ALL SO STRANGE!! AND STOP TAKING PHOTOS OF ME WHILST I TRY TO FIGURE IT ALL OUT!!!!!!!!!"

"I'm so confused!!" [25June2012]

She was hungry and seemed to like it, but couldn't get how she was meant to do it.  Her tongue kept darting in and out, dropping half of the food out of her mouth and down her cute little strawberry-shaped chin.

:D [25June2012]

HSS was taking shitloads of photos in the meanwhile, dancing around us with his phone, enjoying the scene unfolding in front of his gorgeous eyes, and yet being antsy due to wanting to try and feed Morgan himself but not really daring interrupt.


Having noticed his eagerness to give it a try, I handed over the spoon and my seat, and went camera-happy myself.

Hand-over completed! [25June2012]

The first spoonful fed to Morgan by HSS was accompanied by this tune here being hummed.  I couldn't stop giggling at the nerdiness of it all.  Poor Morgan is doomed! Muahahahaha.

"Why are you making strange sounds? AND WHY ARE YOU NOT FEEDING ME?!" [25June2012]

Morgan grew more and more perplexed but seemed to be enjoying the New Noms. 

Omnomnomnomnomnom! [25June2012]

Morgan's tongue kept darting in and out, however she repeatedly lent forward towards the spoon, indicating she wanted more. 

Food is fun! [25June2012]

It was really fun watching HSS and Morgan go through the whole process - this was one hell of a First for all three of us!

"Ok, just a little bit more." [25June2012]

After a short while, Morgan started getting frustrated at too many new things to deal with all at once - new flavours, new textures, new feeding method and new feeding equipment, and ultimately, sitting in a highchair instead of being held in our arms whilst being fed.   She was clearly hungry, and not in the mood to keep experimenting for much longer.

 

Is it time for my milk yet?! IS IT?! [25June2012]

When she started showing signs of distress, we stopped the First Meal and gave her her bottle as usual - which she drained happily.


Since then, we're trying the weaning thing twice a day - breakfast and lunch just before giving her her bottle.  With every Feeding Session, she eats a little bit more, and is slowly getting the hang of it!

On other news, Morgan's second tooth is breaking through! This one is on the left bottom side - it is either a canine or a molar, I'm not entirely sure. Tiny gums with no teeth make it difficult to say until the tooth emerges completely.  Poor girl is in quite a bit of pain lately - however thankfully the Dentinox Teething Gel seems to do the trick in soothing her.

I'm currently trying my best to make the most out of the remaining days before this week is through.  Monday is Back To Work for me.  Eh, I'm dreading it to be honest - not because I don't like the job - I do. I missed it actually!  I'm just not looking forward to spending so little time with Morgan and HSS.  Morgan discovers something new every day - at least one thing evolves in her behaviour and in her physical appearance.  Her First Word, First Crawl, First Step and a plethora of other Firsts are bound to happen at any given moment - and I'm likely to miss out on those milestones.  I wish I could be a Stay-At-Home Mum, however it is in Morgan's best interest that I be a Working Mum. 

Strawberries cherries and an angel's kiss in spring - My summer wine is really made from all these things

Yesterday was Midsummer - also known as Litha and the Summer Solstice.

My celebration? Sweating my arse off.

I'm not fond of Summer at all - I get migraines if I'm in direct sunlight for more than 5-10 minutes.  This, in spite of wearing a hat and sunglasses.  I also start tanning very quickly - even though I'll have Factor 50 sunblock.

This year though, I'm not concerned about the effects Summer will have on me - I'm more concerned about Morgan.  Since she's Super Fair, I'm worried she'll get sunburned very quickly.  I got her a Factor 50+ Sunblock Lotion which is appropriate for babies and sensitive skin.  So far, so good.

Morgan, Summer Version [19June2012]

Morgan sweats a lot - it starts off from the soles of her feet which end up soaking wet, then the rest of her follows.  I'm obviously worried about dehydration.  I know first-hand how easy it is to end up dehydrated.  My mum suggested giving Morgan a sip of water every now and then.

This, of course, has prompted research.

Now, bearing in mind that Morgan is 5 months old, she is still exclusively on formula milk.

The following info is what I found:

"The USDA recommends discussing the introduction of water with baby's paediatrician.

The UK Department of Health recommends that parents give baby nothing but milk for the first 6 months, but advises that water may be given with solids once baby reaches 6 months of age."

So, why is giving water to a baby harmful before they reach the age of 6 months?

• A baby may "fill up" on water, resulting in him taking less breast milk or formula. This then deprives him of the nutrients essential for healthy growth and development.
• Too much water can stop your young baby's body from absorbing the nutrients it needs from milk. It can also lead to an imbalance of electrolytes.

If baby is exclusively breastfed, there is simply no need to give him extra water, even in very hot conditions. It is, of course, important to increase your own water intake and to nurse your baby frequently.  On the other hand, if Baby is formula milk fed like Morgan, Formula Milk is made up of over 80% water.  Therefore giving additional water is moot.

Once Baby starts weaning [which is recommended by the  WHO [World Health Organisation] not to commence before Baby turns 6 months old], it seems to be OK to give Baby a little water.  Having said that, giving too much water to your baby can lead to Water Intoxication.

WHAT?!
Water intoxication, also known as water poisoning, is a potentially fatal disturbance in brain functions that results when the normal balance of electrolytes in the body is pushed outside of safe limits (e.g., hyponatremia) by overhydration, i.e., over-consumption of water.

"According to pediatricians like James P. Keating, MD, medical director of the St. Louis Children's Hospital Diagnostic Center, too much water dilutes a baby's normal sodium levels and can lead to seizures, coma, brain damage and death."

- derived from http://www.stlouischildrens.org/articles/wellness/water-intoxication-in-infants

 Clicky here for more info about Water Intoxication, and here for more info about Giving Baby Some Water!

Now, I know I mentioned that the WHO advises not to start weaning to babies under 6 months of age.  Having said that, every baby is different and some need/are prepared for 'solids' before they reach the 6 month mark.

Morgan seems to be one of them babies.  She has been showing a keen interest in food for over a month now, and is getting hungrier and hungrier with every day that goes by.  She is currently drinking 210ml+7 scoops every four hours - however most of the time the usual 4 hour gap doesn't elapse as she gets hungry by the time 3 hours will have gone by.

In all honesty, I'm glad that she seems to be ready for weaning early.  This way I can, maybe, be the one to try and feed her for the very first time.  If we were to wait til she turns 6 months old, I'll already have gone back to work, and her first feed would be carried out either by HSS or by my mum.

I've been doing some research about weaning and have found a brand I feel comfortable with trying out - Organix.  I will be preparing her meals myself, however it is always good to have a back-up especially when out and about.  I'll report back with updates the day we start weaning!

Oh, and this is the highchair HSS and myself got her. 

Little Miss Independent taking matters in her own hands! [22June2012]

Cheese!

Peek-a-boo! :D [8th June 2012]

So, I've been trying to post an update for a couple of weeks. I started typing it on my laptop and haven't had the time to finish it yet. Sorry, people!

Please bear with me (RAWR! Ha. Sorry, I always picture a bear whenever I hear that expression :D ) whilst I'm busy being a mum and trying to dispose of the bomb that seems to continuously explode over and over again at home.

Morgan is doing really well! We've now switched from pram to pushchair, and she has started to roll over from her back to her belly and back (though she sometimes gets stuck on her belly).

Things with HSS couldn't be better!

I am happy, and Morgan is happy.

The whole point of this blog initially was to have a place where I could rant, rave, vent and declutter my brain from all sorts of worries and thoughts. Since things are going so well, I haven't had the need to write anything worth while lately.

I shall post an update as soon as I find the time, with the story of how Morgan's Other Granny's Visit went. In a nutshell, it went well.

As I type this, I'm on the way back home where I shall shortly get Morgan all cleaned up and fed before taking her over to my mum's. She willk babysit for a short while to enable HSS and myself to go buy a bed guard for Morgan. Yay for safety!

I am currently looking up weaning info - silly UK/US sites mean different things by "weaning" - in the States they use it to mean moving on from breastfeeding to anything else, whereas UK sites mean to say the intro of real food as opposed to breastmilk/formula milk.

As you peoples know, my boobs failed in the function of noms, and have limited themselves to just being decorative. This means that _my_ weaning will entail the intro of real food. According to WHO (World Health Organisation), weaning shouldn't be introduced before Baby is 6 months old. Having said that, some start weaning from the age of 4 months. Not every baby has the same needs/appetite.
Morgan is showing a keen interest in food - she has that "Dog Thing" going on where she watches interested your every move whenever food or drink is concerned.

Omnomnomnomhandnomnomnom

She is currently drinking 210ml water& 7 scoops formula every 4 hours approx. Hungry bebbeh is hungry.

Oh, and we also now have set up her travel cot to act as a playpen. It has been filled with colourful stuff - toys and such. Enough distractions to keep Morgan amused for the long period of time that is 10 minutes.

6th June 2012

 

She has been experiencing some separation anxiety and panics if left alone for longer than 5 minutes.
That is about it for now.

Have a good day everyone!

P.s. Here's a Moving Morgan feat. HSS :)

The way you make me feel

Motherhood, in the early years, involves mainly of trying not to get baby spew in your hair and all over your clothes, whilst soothing a colicky/gassy/bored/hurting/hungry/tired/overall cranky baby by carrying him/her on one hip/seating him/her on one leg and holding him/her with one arm whilst you attempt to do whatever needs to be done with the other hand.  All on very low levels of energy following sleepless nights.

Come sunshine or rain, health, sickness, pain - you name it - that is what the daily routine consists of for the vast majority of the time whilst Baby is awake.

There are awesome moments when Baby is in a good mood - you then get to hear gurgles, cooing, giggles, and you can enjoy playtimes.

Needless to say the ongoing threat of baby spew, amongst other things, can affect a New Mum's self confidence and her self esteem.  This tends to drive a lot of New Mums into a so-called self imposed Dry Spell.  Combine the changes in one's body with being over tired and always smelling of spoilt milk and acid - et voila!

Which is why, in my humble opinion, there is nothing sexier than a Man covered in baby spew.

Does it make sense? Undoubtedly, other mothers will understand where I'm coming from - especially those whose man refrains from holding a crying baby or from changing nappies out of fear of "breaking Baby" or some silly excuse along those lines. 

Morning noms! 18th May 2012

Mum's the word, they say

I hope all mothers out there had a brilliant Mother's Day!

In all honesty, I don't appreciate the occasion myself.  Why limit yourself to just one day a year where you show someone you care?  My first Mother's Day was nothing short of ordinary.  It still involved nappies and bottles and baby drool.  I see love in my daughter's eyes every day, so at this present moment in time "Mother's Day" is merely an insignificant phrase.

As HSS pointed out, the moment Morgan gives me some Mother's Day gift, my heart will probably melt and I'll start appreciating the 'holiday'.

So yeah, anyway.

Things are proceeding well.  With HSS, everything is going smoothly and I'm happy.  I have Morgan, and I have HSS - I want nothing more.

Today, I'm meant to receive a phone call form work regarding my return.  I'm hoping it happens earlier in the day rather than later so that I won't have to wait around.  Fingers crossed that everything goes smoothly!

So, updates where Morgan is concerned.

On Saturday afternoon, she went out ON HER OWN for the first time.

My parents took her to Valletta with them.  I was so nervous about it! They got there and back by bus, so I was concerned that the pram might topple over at any point if they didn't manage to hold it properly.  Apparently, everything went well and my dad held Morgan for about 10 seconds for the first time.  When I was told he panicked, I couldn't help but laugh at the idea of a grown man not knowing what to do when faced with amusing a child.

Morgan also had her FIRST SLEEPOVER without me on that same day!  Since it was Date Night, and my mum and grandma hadn't seen Morgan in quite a few days, I agreed to have my mum babysit rather than a friend.  This meant that I could find some time to tidy up the house and not worry about having to get home early enough to have a decent night's sleep [or rather, attempted decent night's sleep] since I didn't have to wake up for the first bottle of the day.

All went well thankfully. 

I missed her sorely though.  The house isn't a home without her.  It was way too quiet - in spite of her being a quiet baby.  I missed her tiny nose snoring the night away and her occasional whimpering.

At one point, my brain kicked into Mummy-mode without me realising it.  As I was talking to HSS, he yawned and my hand automatically shot out and covered his mouth - just like I do to Morgan.  We both burst out laughing and he started going through all the things I tend to tell Morgan whenever she yawns and I try to convince her to make sounds whilst I tap her mouth.  

Now, I'm off to face the day.  Coffee summons!

Guten Morgan :D 14th May 2012

The Name of the Game

A few days have gone by without my updating the blog. Sorry, peoples!

Things are proceeding well. Morgan is growing and growing and changing and learning. Her movements are becoming smoother, she is holding her head up more and more, and is a social butterfly. People can't help but fall in love with her.

I will have to buy a rolling pin for every birthday she celebrates, otherwise I won't have enough deterrents in my possession for her future datees.

As I type this, I'm watching a friend's 7 year old daughter play netball. This gorgeous girl has blond hair and blue eyes - and is very outgoing, curious, and fun to have around. Which is what makes it easier for me to picture Morgan in such a role. I can't wait til it is her I'll be watching.

On the other hand, it will mean time will have flown by way too quickly.

I'm cherishing every second whilst I still can.

I had a meeting at work yesterday regarding my return to work. Shit's getting real, as they say. Gods willing I will know when I'll be back and what hours I'll be working by Monday. If I get the reduced hours shift, I'll be working every Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday. It suits me fine for the present moment in time. It will also mean that not only will I be able to raise my daughter myself with minimal daycare intervention, but I will also be able to juggle my relationship with HSS efficiently.

Speaking of which, all is fine and dandy in the HSS front. *insert Happy Carlton Dance here*

I'm going to bid you farewell for now - we're soon off for some hiking/picnic times. By we, I mean a couple of friends of mine and their offspring. Morgan is still too young to take with in such environments. Especially in such strongly sunshine-filled days. I can't wait til I'll be able to!!

Good morning! 11-05-2012

Winds of change

Knock knock!

Anyone home?

Sorry guys, I know I promised I'd update before the weekend was over, and I haven't.


I've had complaints for not blogging lately - my sincere apologies! Life got in the way.

Since too many days have gone by, I'm unable to do a day-by-day breakdown at this point in time since things are a bit hazy.

All you lot need to know is this:

Following the blog were I left off with saying I was going to go out in the evening, and red shoes had been unexpectedly acquired, things have changed. A LOT.

Guess who's in a relationship?

Yep.

This Mama here has found herself a Homo Sapiens Specimen willing to put up with her insane ramblings and silliness and constant worries about Morgan.  Said HSS has already made an appearance in past blogs under the guise of a very good friend - namely in my entry about how a friend took ~Morgan and myself to hospital for her Chromosome count, or the one where a friend of mine was discussing Asperger's and Autism with me.  This HSS here has been there for me from day 1 of my knowing him - which was whilst I was still 6-ish months pregnant.  He was the one to take the trouble to install Linux on a pc, set up an FTP server on it, upload all of his music, and link me to it just so that I could download a handful of tunes to my phone whilst in hospital awaiting Morgan's birth to happen.

We talk a lot - and he knows Morgan will forever be my number one priority - and he is fine with that [as it should be].  He is also aware that after having been screwed over in the past, I need to take things slow - and he is fine with that too.  In a way, I feel as if I'm dating for the first time ever.

I have no idea how I'll juggle Work, Parenthood and Dating once I'm back to work to be honest - I'll figure it out somehow.  Surely I am not the first person to have to strike such a balance!

Oh, and HSS has also decided I need to learn how to drive.  So far, we've survived the first lesson in one piece.  If everything goes well, in about a year's time I might be officially a Menace Behind The Wheel and one of them Infamous Female Drivers.  Hopefully, with better skills than most.  And eventually, with a VW Beetle to call my own.

So - an incident where I screwed up royally last week:

I took the garbage out, and for once I forgot my phone and key inside.  BAM! The door slammed shut - locking me OUT and Morgan IN.  PANIC!

I rushed up and down the stairs leading to my upstairs neighbours' house twice in a frenzy trying to figure out what the hell I was meant to do.  A guy owning a garage across the street saw me panic and came over to ask what's up.  I told him I had been locked out and my daughter was inside.  He lent me his phone whereby I called my bro, asked him to log into my Facebook account and look for someone who knew my friend Rose's number as she had my spare key due to having been over at my house for a few days that week.  Eventually, he managed, and agreed to go pick up the key from her workplace.  Luckily I had already made plans with my bro's fiancee to come over for lunch - meaning she got here after about 15 minutes of my having been locked out, and she kept me company.

It took some hour or so until my bro, my mum, Rose and her son showed up - way more panicked than me - with my key.  The moment I opened the door I rushed to the kitchen where I found Morgan sitting quietly in her Rocker, waiting for me.

Yo! [4th May 2012]

As you can see in the above pic, Morgan is finally big enough to wear the Batman long sleeved top that my  friends Andy and Kyrie had sent her! She's now wearing 3-6month sized clothes, and they fit her like a glove.  Having said that, she's wearing just her onesies most of the time as the weather is starting to get too warm.

Oh, and last week, Morgan got given the cutest outfit ever that belonged to another Fae child called Faith.  Here's a couple of pics:

My Morgan The Fae with Rose :) 29th April 2012

My Ginger Faerie :) 29th April 2012

Oh, and just in case you were wondering about HSS - here is pictoral evidence of his existence:

I admit, part of the reason I was not blogging is that I originally created this blog as a place to vent whatever was on my mind.  Since he reads the blog, I wasn't about to post my internal conflict as to whether I'm better off preserving the friendship or attempt taking it a step further.  I'd have needed to keep it generic which would have probably proved to have adverse effects on it all.

My internal conflict consisted of the following - is it too early to date?  On the one hand, I've been dumped back in September by Morgan's sperm donor.  That's about 9 months ago more or less.  On the other hand. she is just 3 and a half months old.  Being a Single Parent is confusing, I must say.

I've met a lot of raised eyebrows - some people seem to think I'm a bad mum for wanting to give it a shot with someone who seems genuine.  They seem to think I ought to lock myself up and throw away the key and just be a 24/7 mum and nothing more.  It also seems to be beyond their comprehension how on Earth I can have a Date Night once a week, and still be a good mother.   I've also had people coming close to calling me a whore and accusing me of dating this guy and that guy.

Honestly? Fuck the whole lot of judgemental pricks.

Once you stop being shocked, read on, and you'll understand where I'm coming from.

Being a Single Parent means you don't have the luxury of having a partner to walk life's journey with you.  It means walking down the street pushing the pram/pushchair on your own whilst seeing other families walk by.  You get used to it, but it never stops hurting.  It also means that you have to do ALL of the parenting on your own without being able to vent about the rough patches to someone who'd know exactly what you're going on about.  Yes, there are friends.  But friends and a partner are not one and the same thing support-wise.

Yes, I'm also going to go there and point to the Elephant In The Room by mentioning that albeit it might suffer a lot, non-Single Parents also have the luxury of having a sex lfie, and a cuddle buddy.  Single Parents don't.


I fail to see how wanting to have someone in your life makes you a bad person.  Yes, you need to keep your priorities straight and you do need to be careful who you let in as they'll be part of your and your child's life.  You need to hone your communication skills and tell things exactly as they are to ensure you're all on the same page at any given point in time.

To conclude, I'll leave you with this:

I'm happy, Morgan's happy, We're all happy.  That is all that matters.

A brief note-cum-update

We're ok.

I've been a bit too busy and preoccupied with a plethora of things to be able to blog. I promise I'll catch up on the updates before this weekend is through - even if just partially!

Morgan is having her last bottle of the day as I write this. She has her 2nd inoculation tomorrow - so not looking forward to her crying in pain! Hopefully she won't be feverish later.

Morgan wore her first short sleeved top today! *happy dance* Her arms looked like porcelain due to their extremely white colour! She is cooing and gurgling much more nowadays.

I love spending time with her more than ever. I am not looking forward to my return to work - speaking of which, I'm _still_ waiting for them to get back to me re: working hours. *grumbles*

There are new developments in my life, but I won't go into them as of yet. Let's just say, things are better than what I could've hoped for at this present moment in time.

Anyway, I'm off for now. Good night!

Lead me into temptation

Yesterday Morgan and I spent a pretty relaxed day. In the morning, we played and just enjoyed each other's company, then in the afternoon we met up with my mum for coffee.

Following coffeetimes, we came back home. I bathed Morgan and my mum fed her whilst I gathered our things and we slowly made our way over to my grandma's house.

On our way there, we witnessed quite an impressive sunset. The sky seemed to be on fire.

Photo doesn't do it justice!

Once we got to my grandma's house, I cuddled Morgan for a while as she watched the soap opera with my mum until she fell asleep. I tucked her in bed, and got ready for a night out.

Gods, I missed the mosh pit! I hadn't been to a punk gig in ages - and whilst I was in hibernation, it seems like the vast majority of punks vanished off the face of the island. I think there were about 30 attendees. It was a good night, nonetheless. Some drunk Irish dude started rambling on about Crass - just because I happened to be wearing a Crass t shirt. He kept saying how much he had been wanting to find a t shirt like mine for himself, and asked where I got it from. At one point I told him I wasn't about to take off my t shirt and give it to him - it wouldn't fit. Which is when he stopped the ramblings.

I caught up with a few old friends, and after the gig was over and the venue locked up for the night, a good friend of mine gave me a ride back home. I managed to stay out until the end! Yay!

As soon as I arrived home, I grabbed a bite and snuggled up to Morgan and fell asleep.

This morning, Morgan and I had some cuddles before I made my way over to my place for some house chores.

Smileytimes!

On the way home, the unthinkable happened. I bought a pair of red peeptoe heeled shoes for myself. I'd have never thought I would ever own a pair of red shoes as I think it takes some balls to wear them. They're not simply shoes - they're a statement.

Ah well. Never say never I guess!
 
Oh, and I succumbed into temptation. I smoked a cigarette. Nearly choked half to death over it. I plan for it to have been a one-off though. I don't want to become a smoker again.

Now, I'm off to continue tidying up. I won't finish all the chores today for sure as I'm pretty knackered, but I'm hoping to make some good progress.

Toodles!

Three is the magic number

The day before yesterday was one of them days where Morgan's bellyache meant she needed to be held all day long. There were a couple of times when I had to put her in her seat or rocker. That resulted in her crying her eyes out.

I managed to de-weed a small part of the back yard, sweep the back yard and the kitchen floor, and prepare her bottles.

Later on in the afternoon my mum came over for a short while - just as Morgan had drifted off to sleep. She obviously woke up the moment she heard the front door close.

Once my mum left, Morgan and I just spent the rest of the evening cuddled up.

Yesterday was a better day for Morgan. This meant I could put her in her seat next to me whilst I did some crafting. I'm working on a couple of teddy bears at the moment. The plan is to make as many toys as possible, and then sell them. It is merely a plan though - not sure if it'll be put into action. I can try.

My mum came over, and this time Morgan was wide awake, so they played and danced a bit. Morgan and I then spent the rest of the evening watching movies and playing.

Smiley morning! [19th April 2012]

Today, Morgan woke up in a better-than-usual mood as she kept smiling without my needing to say a word to her. I fed her at about 5:45am, then again at about 10am, and once more at 2:15pm. In the meanwhile, we napped, played and watched movies. My brother also paid us a brief visit, seeing as he was in the neighbourhood. It was good to catch up with him as nowadays, what's with us having different life schedules, we don't get to see each other that often.

After her 2:15pm bottle, we made our way over to my grandma's house. We stayed for about 3 hours and then headed back home. We made a pitstop at a cafeteria nearby for coffeetimes with my mum, who decided to walk us home.

Once back home, I bathed and fed Morgan, and we watched another snippet from the movie we're currently watching (The Good Witch's Family.. We watched the previous three already). She then crashed soon after, so I've been doing stuff ever since. Now about to change her nappy, feed her, and tuck her in bed.
 
Oh, almost forgot. We've been "arguing" for the past three days as she keeps spitting out her dummy and sucking on her hand, prompting me to tell her "no", remove her hand, and give her the dummy again. I'm finding it hard to keep a straight face especially since she seems to think it is a game and therefore smiles and chuckles at my reactions. That, of course, makes me giggle in return.
Anyway, off to complete the bedtime routine! It is quite a slow evening, so I might as well join her.

I got 5 on it

7th April - Saturday night:

I failed.

I tried to go out. I didn't even last 2 and a half hours before I came back home to be with Morgan. The gig I went to happened to feature one of my favourite locals bands, too! And yet, the urge to come back home and be with her was too overwhelming.

Thankfully, a friend offered me a ride home as he wasn't in the mood to stay out. The moment I got back home, I rushed to Morgan's side and held her hand. She stirred, slightly, and I breathed out a sigh of relief.

I snuggled up in bed next to her and fell asleep shortly after.

Easter Sunday (8th April):

Woke up, fed Morgan, and stayed in bed for as long as I could together with Morgan. My grandma gave Morgan a teddy bear soft toy with an easter egg attached to it. The egg, I'll be munching on this year. The bear will be enjoyed by Morgan when she's a bit older since it has choking hazards (beady eyes and a glued-on nose that could be easily pulled off).

My sisters visited briefly, and in the afternoon, my elder sister, Morgan and I walked back home. I noticed how used I have gotten to pushing a pram whilst walking with my sis. I let her push the pram and Gods know how many times she bumped into things (like the edge of the pavement, potholes or doorsteps). When pushing a pram or pushchair, one has to examine the ground that is way ahead of them all the time and memorise what obstacles are present. It is similar to programming your very own Mental GPS System.

Woe is me!

Once home, she hung out with Morgan and myself for a short while and then left us to a nice relaxed evening of watching Once Upon A Time together.


I bathed Morgan upon her request. "How?" you might be wondering. Well, Morgan very rarely is fussy. On Sunday early evening, she was fussy for no apparent reason and kept fidgeting. I took her to the nappy changer so that I could have a peek and see if she needed a nappy change. The moment I lay her down, she stopped whining. That is when I realised that she actually _wanted_ a bath! She is starting to enjoy being buttnaked and feeling all fresh and clean. Right after bathing her, drying her up and clothing her, she fell asleep in my arms. I woke her up to feed her and she then went back to sleep. Later, I woke her up again for another feed and yet again, she drifted back to sleep straight away!

Monday (9th April):

Willow & Dimi [her dad], Morgan & myself :)

We met Becca, Dimi and Willow in Valletta! This was Morgan's first encounter with another baby. It was good to finally meet Willow as Becca and I have pretty much followed one another's pregnancies and parenthood up til now.



Willow seemed interested in Morgan, but Morgan's attention span is still limited and so there wasn't much interaction yet. It was still pretty cool.

Morgan and I in Valletta

I do have a complaint though. We went to this cafeteria just opposite the St John's Co-cathedral, and were left waiting for food for about an HOUR AND A HALF. With TWO babies. All we wanted was a pizza, a burger and a salad. No biggie! We ended up paying for our drinks and going elsewhere. This time round, food only took about 15 minutes and the waiter was nice enough to get me a jug of boiling water for me to warm up Morgan's bottle when it was time for her to eat.


It was really awesome watching Willow make a mess of her fruit puree food thingy! I can't wait til Morgan starts the weaning process! I'm sure I'll be exasperated at times, but food is meant to be enjoyed and boy do babies enjoy it!!

Right after saying our farewells, I took Morgan to Paola to meet up with my mum. We had coffee, and afterwards Morgan and I came home.

Morgan then requested she be bathed. I'm not kidding! She was restless and cranky, so I put her on the nappy changer to check if she needed a nappy change. The moment she was flat on her back, her mood improved and I realised she wanted a bath. Thus, I obliged. She was really cheerful afterwards!
We were both pretty tired, and so we just hung out and eventually went to sleep.

Yes, I hang out with my baby. She's cool! I actually enjoy spending so much time with her, watching movies, playing, listening to music, going places etc. She's fun and good company.
We watched some more Once Upon a Time episodes, and then it was soon bedtime.

Tuesday 10th April 2012:

We took it easy. Didn't go anywhere as it would have been too tiring. We watched the last few episodes of Once Upon A Time, and then watched Van Helsing. Both Morgan and I nodded off whilst watching it though. All the running around we have been doing lately tends to drain me. Plus, all that fresh air tires her out too.

Yet again, Morgan requested a bath at about 6-7pm. She seems to now want to be bathed before her early evening bottle is fed to her. I'm fine with that timing as it means she gets the day's grime off her early, but not too early so that she's still clean by bedtime.

Oh, and we had an "argument".  Morgan kept spitting out her dummy and trying to suck on her hand. I'd stop her and stick the dummy back in her mouth only for her to spit it out again and suck on her hand.  We spent some 5 minutes at it.   She then accepted the dummy, but shortly after I noticed she was trying to sneakily replace the dummy with her hand again.

Sneaky baby!

We played quite a bit and once it was time for her to have her night bottle - around 10:15pm, I decided I'd join her as I was pretty exhausted.

Wednesday 11th April:
Got woken up at about 5:15am by Morgan who seemed to have gotten hungry earlier than usual. Unfortunately it meant I also had to prepare the day's bottles at silly o'clock.

The steam steriliser took forever. Once it turned itself off, I prepared the bottles, put them in the fridge, and rejoined Morgan in bed. She had stayed up waiting for me to return to bed.

We snoozed some more, until Morgan decided she had had enough at about 9:15am and wanted to watch the light change through the window and to play. I laid her on the bed in front of me and we played for a while until it was time for her next feed.

Once cleaned up and fed, we set out to go pick up a parcel sent by her Paternal Granny from the post office. Such awesome stuff was contained in said parcel! A couple of outfits, a hat, a "Superhero" cushion - I call it so because the cushion cover has the letter M on it. Reminds me of the Superman S and stuff. Also, a giggle toy (one whose belly you press for it to make a sound), a pair of sandals, and a face cloth which is hilarious and awesome! It is one of them thingies you put in water and they expand. Its got a dinosaur on it, called Morganosaurus. The moment I read out its name, Morgan grinned. She seems to like punny stuff. *grin*

We stopped by at my grandma's, then went for coffee with my mum. Yes, I really like coffee. After coffeetimes were had, we returned back to my grandma's for a while. Since it was rather cloudy and drizzly, the moment the sun came out, we set on our way back home lest it rains.

Once back home, we just chilled and played. Morgan seemed to be amused by my singing along to "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" as she grinned when I started singing along to it. I had the same reaction from her a few days ago, but it was with Walk Like An Egyptian. She has good taste in music!

I bathed Morgan, fed her, played some more and she then nodded off. Took care of some laundry which I only just remembered I need to attend to... Argh! I don't feel like dragging my tired arse out of bed! Ah well. I suppose I have to anyway in order to edit this post once I submit it to my laptop..
I only just fed and cleaned up Morgan for the last time today. She is now fast asleep in bed.

Oh, epic news! Her Paternal Granny just rebooked her flight! In just about 6 weeks, she'll be over! It will mean that my time at home with Morgan would be nearly up, but I suppose at least it is something to look forward to. A way to sugar coat it all, if you will.

I'm still waiting to find out what is going to happen at work. I called yesterday and was told they'll call me back.

I'm still wishing I had the luxury of being a stay-at-home mum.
 
Ah well.

If you've managed to read all of the above - well done! Here's a cookie!

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from GO Mobile

Busy as a bee

Excuse the lack of posts - at the moment, I'm a bit stressed out and somewhat busy so whenever I start writing,I have to stop before I finish whatever it is and end up not posting it until a few days have gone by. I am currently working on a post that will include details from Saturday up until the day when I will post it.

I might not be able to post as regularly as I have done in the past, but I still want to document every single day at the best of my abilities.  Not just for you lot, or for me, but for Morgan as well.


Until I get round to posting the aforementioned blog post, I'll leave you with this:

9th April 2012, in Valletta

I Don't Want To Miss A Thing

Today has been relatively quiet. A couple of friends came over in the afternoon for banter, and then my mum came over in the early evening.   I managed to tidy up the place quite a bit, since Morgan has been quiet all day.  She has been asleep for the past couple of hours, and I shall soon be waking her up for her last bottle of the night.

She's starting to take off a sock on a daily basis now.

See? Baby Bigfoot!

Every day that goes by, she becomes more and more interactive.  I can't bear the thought of our time together being limited.  I know it is for her own good - however I really wish I could be a stay-at-home mum rather than have to be a working mum.  Right now it is all I keep thinking of.  She does something new every day - and right now  I'm blessed with being able to witness them happening.  Once I go back to work, I will be missing out on watching my child grow up.  Even thinking about it gets me all choked up.  I know, I know.  I'm not the first and definitely won't be the last mother to have to deal with this.  Wishing for the "if only" is a complete and utter waste of time. And yet, I can't help it.

I hope our bond won't change.  Children tend to bond the most with their primary carer.  Once I'm back to work, I will no longer be that primary carer to her.  She will be spending most of her time with someone else.  I worry too much, I know.

All this makes it even harder for me to understand Absent Parents.  How on earth can anyone walk away from the opportunity of being in their child's life?  It is beyond my comprehension.

I'm a Joker in the pack

Morgan giggled today! I caught  her off-guard and tickled her foot. The giggle was completely unexpected! I can't wait til it happens again!!!

She also successfully got the hang of what to do with her voice when I tap her mouth to achieve my same result!

1st April 2012

Earlier today, I managed to fool a handful of people into thinking I had a hangover.  I'm guessing they were shocked purely because I haven't had a drop of alcohol  in 2 and a half years!

And I say Thank You for the music.

The furniture was delivered yesterday morning! I'm pretty stoked! I found out that the chest of drawers and the dressing table both have marble tops. This, to me, is awesome. I looked up some info about stripping paint off wood and it sounds more complicated than I thought it would be. Therefore, I may very well leave it as it is, and just add some designs on it myself. The wooden panels in which the mirrors are installed are my premeditated victims.

Morgan and I watched Practical Magic - and miraculously managed to watch all of it without any interruptions! She will grow sick of watching it, I assure you. Ah well - can't help it if I have taste!
My mum came over just as the movie ended, and we took Morgan with us for coffee. The trip there and back also got us a much-needed lamp shade for Morgan's room.

I can't wait to get the room all set up! It is exciting for more than one reason. This is the first room I bought. So yeah - kinda pleased about it!

The thing I was not pleased about was coming home to find the washing machine had decided not to drain the water used. Just then, Morgan decided that she was bored in her pram, and started whining. I was trying to wring the clothes from all the excessive water and calm her down at the same time. Thankfully, music came to the rescue. She likes music so much that it tends to calm her down in a matter of minutes.

Once the clothes were hung up to dry, we played for a short while, and eventually, she fell asleep only for me to have to wake her up half an hour later to feed her. Once fed and cleaned up, I put her to bed and we both slept.

I woke up a couple of hours later to prepare her bottles, and I stayed up for a short while to chat with a couple of friends and look up info about different Mother Goddesses so that I could post about them on The Pagan Mama.

In the morning, Morgan seemed to wake up in a good mood - as can be seen in the photo!

Alas, being gassy meant she was cranky most of the time. Thankfully, music helped calm her down at various points throughout the day. Music and being held.

My grandma is wanting me to go out again this weekend just so that Morgan can sleep over. I don't see it happening though. Two weekends in a row might be a bit too much too soon.

Today I realised how quickly time is going by. Morgan is already 2 months old now, and my time with her is rapidly running out. I have no idea how the hell I will handle the return back to work. I hope I get to work decent hours though. I wouldn't want to be at work until her bedtime.

 Morgan playing with her Granny [26 March 2012]

It's Mister Stabby!

This entry is being typed real-time.

Today is the day - I will be wanting to hurt someone badly soon. Well, after this HUGE queue of people before me are done.

We're at the clinic, waiting for our turn. For some reason, Morgan needs to go through a check-up before receiving her first shot - in spite of having a doctor's note confirming she's peachy and ready to start the immunisation process.

There are babies screaming and crying all over the place - and yet again, Morgan is just laying in her pram quietly.

Our appointment was at 9:30am - it already is 10:20am and we're still waiting for the check-up to happen.
 
*****************************************************************

Passed out in my arms as I type

Ok, it is now 12:52pm and Morgan and I are curled up in bed at my Grandma's house.

Shortly after my grumblings about us being made to wait for _that_ long, we were summoned. Morgan was asleep, so when I lifted her out of the pram and put her on the clinic's couch, it was rather easy to measure her height.

She is now 56cm tall! That's an extra 4cm(approx) within a week. Yay! Morgan's head somehow measured slightly smaller than last week - go figure! Her head's circumference is now 38.2 and she weighs 4.45kg. She did gain weight, but apparently it isn't enough so I was told to feed her more - by adding an extra scoop of formula to it. *shrug* Different medical people say different things. We'll see how it goes.
 
Once the check-up was complete, I was bombarded with info that the staff at the clinic must be sick and tired of repeating to every person who walks in with a child. I don't remember half of it - it was mainly to do with weaning. Eh. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
 
Whilst I was dressing Morgan post-check-up, I was talking to her and she was smiling and gurgling in happiness at me. Yay! I love her mini-chuckles and toothless grins.
 
Then, it was time to face the music. I took her into another room and was told to put her on the couch. This nurse told me that the injection was an immunisation against Tetanus, Diphtheria, Polio, Pertussis and Haemophilus Type B (HIB).

*****************************************************************

It is now 19:17pm.

To continue the story...

A few seconds later, Morgan's thigh was exposed and this HUGEASS needle was stuck in her right thigh. Time seemed to slow down as I watched it going in. Morgan's eyebrows furrowed, she went bright red and started howling in pain. Her eyes filled up with tears, and I wanted to punch the living crap out of the nurse. Like SERIOUSLY hurt her. Morgan seemed to be saying "Why are you hurting me? Why are you letting her hurt me? I've done nothing wrong, stop hurting me!"

As soon as the needle was out, I picked Morgan up and held her close to me, all whilst apologising to her and trying my best to reassure her.

I hurried out as fast as I could as it was getting late and was nearly time for her to be fed.

I stopped by at the pharmacy to get her a box of suppositories (just in case she gets feverish) as I had forgotten the one I have already at home. Also got her a bottle of surgical spirit so that I could clean her tiny wound with it.

We arrived at my Grandma's at 11:20am. I had already cleaned Morgan up at the clinic and didn't need a nappy change yet. I just warmed up her bottle and fed her - and she crashed not long after. I joined her for a small nap, and once up, we made our way home. My mum came home with us so that she could give me a hand with a few chores.

As soon as my mum left, I noticed Morgan needed to be cleaned up - Uber Pooper struck again. I gave her a bath, and she is now in my arms fast asleep.

See? :D

No signs of fever as of yet - fingers crossed no fever will show up!