Tomorrow is the day I rejoin the "Real World" - and quite frankly, the "Real World" sucks.
I'm trying to figure out the effin buses that will take me to work, since the ever-so-clever new Bus Company that took over about a year or so ago decided to remove the bus stop that was the closest to my work place.
For the coming 5 weeks, I'll barely be seeing Morgan other than whilst she's asleep - or half-asleep, anyway - and I'll see even less of HSS. This will be followed by another 7 weeks of barely seeing HSS but thankfully, of spending more time with Morgan. I can't wait til I'm on my proper shift so that I'll get some time with both HSS and Morgan - as it should be.
These past few months have been like a dream - spending every day with the two of them... Knowing that those days will now be over is somewhat painful. I'm way too aware of how quickly Morgan learns new things and how quickly she's growing. Spending time away from My Family will hurt.
At least, Morgan will be spending most of her time with family anyway. It just sucks being denied the opportunity to see her grow up step by step.
Cuddling up in front of the TV [1st July 2012]
I envy SATMs. Stay-at-home-Mums, that is. Or rather, Stay-at-home-Parents, anyway. I guess the grass is always greener on the other side. I know SATPs who are dying to go out in the Employment World - and Working Parents [like Yours Truly] who are dying to be with their child[ren] every single day.
I made my own bed, I know, and I will lie in it. I have to keep reminding myself that it will be better for Morgan in the long run, this way. I'll be able to provide for her financially much better than what I would be able to had I opted to quit my job and become a SATM.
And yet, I can't help but wish I could be a SATM.
Egoistically speaking, I am also what I commonly refer to as "meh" about not having as much time with HSS. It mainly is knowing that by the time we get 5 minutes together during which we can talk, we'll both be too tired to actually make the most out of it.
Yesterday morning we had a doc's appointment with Morgan's Head Consultant person. As we were sitting in the waiting room, which was full of children, two Ursuline nuns walked in, with a boy and a girl.
Seeing them four made me think. I know how much it can suck for a Single Parent to see two-parent families walk by. I can somehow understand how a child can feel having only one parent present in their life. What I cannot imagine is how a child must feel to see other children with at least one parent in the picture when s/he has none.
My thoughts were interrupted by two priests/preachers who kept rambling on and on and on.
My thoughts about how annoying they were, were then interrupted by my mum telling me that she thinks Morgan's hair will be like some ginger girl's, who had just walked in. I must say she did have beautiful long wavy hair, bunched up in two long braids.
All of a sudden, my observations were interrupted once more by a loud BOOM. Some girl fell off a chair, making others around her gasp. Cue loud wailing.
Another interruption - priests/preacher dudes started rambling again. Thankfully they left after a short while. My attention then drifted off to a boy that kept running to and fro past us. I kept observing him only until the Waiting Room music started playing in my head. "Fiiiiiigaro Figarofigarofigarofigaro Figaro!"
At last, we were summoned to the doc's office. There were about 6 Med Students in the room observing. When weighed, it turned out that Morgan is now at 4.34kg, and her head's circumference is 38.7cm. Pretty impressive!
Since my mum hurt her foot, we couldn't take advantage of the sunny weather as much as I would have liked. We just stopped by at my sister's workplace on our way home, where I gave Morgan her bottle. That is where I noticed them. FRECKLES!!!!
Morgan's forehead is getting freckly! *gasp* The Ginger Force is strong in this one!
Today we took Morgan out with us for coffeetimes, and then the Exodus began. My brother picked me up, we loaded his car with the vast majority of our stuff, and took it over to my place. Once back at my Grandma's house, I took more things back to my place, this time with my sister's aid.
When I got back, I snuggled up with Morgan who was a bit cranky - I am positive she _is_ teething. She kept spitting out her dummy, and attacking my finger. She slobbered and sucked really hard on it. Yes, I know it sounds wrong - get your mind out of the gutter already.
Later on in the evening, she got to meet her dad for the first time thanks to Skype. She won't appreciate it now, but she will later on in life.
We are now about to embark in what will officially be our last night here before heading home. I can't wait! I am dreading returning home a tiny bit - the idea that I won't have any back-up there, and that it will just be the two of us scares me a bit. Wish us luck!
Someone posted this link on Facebook yesterday. Admittedly, the Daily Mail is what it is [i.e. an unreliable source of information aimed at causing sensation], however a few valid points where made.
Infanticide was indeed an acceptable practice back in the day amongst quite a few different cultures. A couple of favourite movies of mine portray the practice in different manners. In Fantaghirò [a.k.a. The Cave Of The Golden Rose]. Fantaghirò's father was going to kill her for being born the wrong gender rand because his wife died as a consequence of childbirth. In The Mists of Avalon, Morgause was about to leave Morgaine's child exposed to the elements in order to kill him and try and seize the throne for herself.
Fantaghirò - part 1 [Italian original audio] - Enjoy!!
The Mists of Avalon - part 1 [English audio] :D
The article calls Infanticide "After-Birth Abortion" as if to minimise the blow - pretty much the same thing shops do by marking their goods "£199.99" instead of "£200.00." It does make one ponder what power words truly have. It also makes me wonder who was the idiot who coined the saying "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."
Now THAT'S more like it!
Whereas I did mention in a previous blog my views regarding abortion, I do not consider in any shape or manner Infanticide to be merely Abortion happening in a different geographical location. It is true that in the article, the practice is not being condoned by either the scholar who wrote about it, nor the journalist reporting it. However, the moment someone says something which the Italians would call a "cazzata" i.e. a REALLY stupid thing [to put it nicely], there will be a blooming idiots somewhere who will think it is pure genius and will act on it. Sometimes, a TV show will be made out of it! See Jackass, for example. Or, the reverse side of the same coin, MythBusters.
When a child is born, their birth needs to be registered within 5 working days, according to Maltese Laws. In the eventuality that both parents are to be listed on the birth certificate, one or both parents would need to physically go to the Public Registry Office - located on the 1st floor at Evans Building, Merchants Street Valletta - with BOTH parents' Photo ID (National ID Card or Passport).
If the child's parents are married, and the marriage occurred abroad, the original marriage certificate needs to be taken along - and this needs to be in either Maltese or English.
Should there be a legal separation or annulment, the original contact/court sentence documents need to also be taken along.
If the child is born out of wedlock, you're better off making a phone call before you go to the Public Registry Office. Their contact numbers are 22209100 and 22220920.
The opening hours are Mon-Fri 07:30 - 14:00. On Wednesdays, they are also open between 15:00 and 18:00 and on Saturday between 07:30 and 11:00.
At hospital, you're given a form on which the midwife assisting your birth giving process writes down the time and date of your baby's birth, along with your name and ID Card number and some other details, and ultimately signs it. On that same form, you then get to write down your baby's name(s) separated by commas ( , ) unless you want all names written down to appear on your child's ID Card when they grow up (e.g. If your child is to be called Mark Anthony Charles Philip Elton, but you only want Mark Anthony to be on their ID Card when he grows up, you'd need to write Mark Anthony, Charles, Philip, Elton) as well as some of your own personal details (and the father's, if his name is to appear).
Now, this is where the fun part (i.e. Confusion) begins. If the child's father is to be left out, in spite of knowing who he is, he is very tastelessly listed as "Unknown Father" - however this _can_ be changed at a later date. How? That is what I'm trying to find out.
When I called the Registry people, I spoke to a manager who told me the Father would have to speak to a lawyer and get an Act issued from Court that would then enable the Birth Certificate to be changed.
On the other hand, when I physically went to register Morgan's birth, I asked about this again and got told a different story. _This time_, I was told that both parents would need to physically go to a _Notary_ along with the child's birth certificate and get the Notary to draw up some legal document that will allow the Birth Certificate to be changed.
Since I have no intention of wasting money talking to lawyers and/or Notaries needlessly, I'm going to ask about this another 3 times. The first option to be mentioned to me three times in total will be what I consider to be correct information until proven otherwise.
Oh, and you have to pay €2.33 as a registration fee. The reasoning behind this is a mystery to me. I wonder how impossible life would be for someone whose parent[s] opt not to register their birth because they don't agree with said charge. I know it is a highly unlikely scenario, but can you imagine never having existed to the world? Location would probably be key to how easy/difficult life can be for you.
The birth certificate can then be picked up within 10 working days from the Public Registry Office, or requested online via www.certifikati.gov.mt. There seems to be yet another charge to obtain the actual birth certificate via the website. If you request just an extract, the charge is €2.33, but if you request the full birth certificate, the charge is € 9.32.
Since there are a few details I still need to obtain confirmation about, as mentioned earlier, I will write up Part 2 of this blog once the certificate itself is ready for collection.
Those of you who know me, know very well that I'm not the girly girl kind of person. I've always been the kind of female to hate all the fussing and faffing about. This also is reflected in what I wear.
I hate shopping - unless it is for books. I don't get what the fuss is all about - trying on clothes that don't fit properly and/or you have no intention/means to purchase is just annoying,frustrating and a complete and utter waste of time to me. I also happen to a One Pair Of Shoes kind of person. What this means is that you can find me wearing the same pair of shoes in all sorts of different occasions. I can't walk in heels - and I don't need heels anyway - at least locally. When I'm travelling, then yes - I might get to feel short. By Maltese standards though, I'm on the tall side at 1m69cm/ 5ft 6.5 inches.
One thing I have just realised though is this. I have had 3 new pairs of shoes over the past couple of years. They all were laced and worn on extremely significant occasions.
The above photo depicts the first pair. This photo was taken at Skindependence 2010 - on the 2nd of July to be exact. That was the moment I defied gravity. And by that, I mean I was suspended from 4 hooks that were pierced through the skin of my back. It was one of the best moments of my life - one of my greatest accomplishments [and I can't wait til I get to suspend again!].
The second pair was when I went to Manchester exactly a year ago. I got there on the 27th of January, 2011. I already went into detail about this in this previous blog, so I won't repeat myself.
Today,the 29th of January 2012, I find myself lacing up the 3rd pair just an hour or so before I leave for hospital, where I will be giving birth over the next couple of days. The fun fact about this is that an exact year ago, I was in Manchester and we were going to have a photo shoot in the morning. This was where it all began with Creature's 'father'. By 'father' I mean sperm donor. I won't go into the dynamics of how and why he is absent as I don't think it is fair for me to badmouth someone who has given me Creature. I refuse to be the kind of Single Parent to badmouth the ex - regardless of how justified it might be. Especially when it comes to doing so publicly.
I guess this is some sort of subconscious change I go through whenever a major change in my life's direction is about to be taken.
Single Parenthood is something there is very little knowledge about unless it affects you. At least that seems to be the case in Malta. A lot of people are under the impression that by not listing the child's father on the birth certificate, this will automatically entitle you to shitloads of benefits. The reality of it all is far from this being the case.
First of all, I find it pretty demeaning that the only way to not list the father on the birth certificate is "Father Unknown". It very rarely is the case that the father is truly not known. Most of the time, it is purely a case of the Sperm Donor not shouldering his responsibilities. To me, the whole "Father Unknown" thing is offensive not only to the mother, but to the child as well. It automatically sheds a bad light on them both. In truth, this should be amended to say something along the lines of "Deadbeat Dad" which would reflect the reality of the situation more accurately.
I have been doing some research out of necessity and so I'll be sharing the information I have obtained so far with you lot in an attempt to clarify some common misconceptions.
The only benefit you get is Children's Allowance, if you're employed.
Children's Allowance is a Government Aid given to all parents - be they married, cohabiting or single. For more in depth information, you can either clicky here if your annual income is less than €23,983.00, or here if it exceeds the aforementioned amount. Should you receive Child Support from the Sperm Donor, this must be declared as it will affect the amount you receive.
If your child happens to be affected by a mental or physical disability, you may be eligible for the Disabled Child Allowance, which is over and above the Children's Allowance.
If you happen to be a Foster Parent, there is an allowance for you too that you can apply for.
Here you will find listed the Maximum amounts that are possible to be obtained weekly and annually, as well as some additional information regarding the different benefits mentioned so far..
If you have clicked the above link, you will notice something called Maternity Allowance. I will clarify this as it might be a bit confusing. Maternity Allowance is paid to you only if you're either a) unemployed or b) will not be availing herself from Maternity Leave which would usually be paid for by the employer. The application must be submitted either once yo reach your eighth month of pregnancy or within six months from the birth date.
Maternity Leave in Malta is in the process of changing. Up until last year, we were entitled to 14 weeks of paid Maternity Leave - 4 weeks of which must be taken before Baby is due. As of this year, an extra 2 weeks were added on which would be paid for by the Government at the rate of €160 weekly. To apply for these extra 2 weeks, one must collect a form from their local Social Security Office. Next year [2013], there should be another extra 2 weeks added on to bring the total amount of weeks up to 18.
So, what happens if you decide to quit your job and become a full time single parent? Well, for starters, you'll be looking at Energy Benefits whereby you can apply to receive a subsidy to help you cover the costs of Water & Electricity bills.
If you happen to be unable to breastfeed for medical reasons, you can also apply for a Milk Grant which will require an official document to be issued by your doctor, and once it is approved, it would be issued to be from Baby's birth up until s/he is 40 weeks of age.
There is also another benefit, which is the equivalent of the dole, called the Single Unmarried Parents' Allowance which is applicable only if you're unemployed or work up to a maximum of 8 hours per week and earn no more than €50 as a gross amount.
If you live in a rental property, you can also look at claiming Housing Benefits whereby you'd be given a subsidy by the government that will help you cover your monthly rent. Further information can be obtained by clicking here.
Last but not least, you can also apply for the EU Food Vouchers however I was not able to find much information about them. They normally are applied for when you've got a case of a low-income family, and are limited to items such as Pasta, Rice and some other basic foods.
You do not start receiving all these benefits immediately. The first thing that is processed is the Children's Allowance, followed by the Single Unmarried Parents' Allowance, and then followed by everything else.
To place any claims, you will need your National ID Card as well as a Copy of your Bank Statements, since any savings you have sitting in your bank account will be taken into consideration. Any other paperwork required will be asked for depending on your particular case.
If you need further information for yourself or someone you know, feel free to call on 159 Monday - Saturday from 8a.m. til 2p.m. On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, the lines stay open til 6p.m. Alternatively, visit http://www.socialsecurity.gov.mt. Please rest assured that any information discussed is covered by the Data Protection Act, therefore you're safe to discuss things in detail as they will remain confidential.
it is better financially to be employed. It is a matter of weighing your options - you can either provide your child a more comfortable life financially, but miss out on a heck of a lot, or be around for all the important events in your child's life but live on an extremely restricted budget. Should you have to face that decision, good luck- it'll be tough either way.
Usually in my blogs, I tend to share information. Today, I'm asking for information.
I was brought up within the traditional family model - mother, father, siblings, and a dog. That family model nowadays is becoming more and more uncommon. You have single parents, no parents whatsoever, two mums, two dads, step-parents etc etc. Previously these different Family Models were pretty uncommon. For a parent to be a single parent, usually they'd need to be widowed back then.
I now find myself facing single parenthood myself. I can't help but think, "How will I explain to Creature why other children have two parents, and s/he doesn't?" or "How will I manage to deal with things such as Father's Day, or compositions given at school entitled "My Father"?" What about the real possibility of bullying? There are so many questions to which I don't yet have an answer! I know that I cannot have an answer for everything - and yet, it doesn't stop me from trying.
I know these things are a few years away, however the reality of the situation is as it is, and the sooner I come up with a vague outline of a plan, the better.
So - what can you lot tell me? Any advice? Besides from not stressing out, that is - I appreciate it, but your telling me not to stress out won't make a difference.
If I have a boy, I have no idea how on earth I will teach him how to pee standing up, for example. Nor do I know how I will have the heart to teach him how to shave.
From what I hear, according to school dress code policies, facial hair of teens is discouraged. Which is my problem.
Those who know me, know I have a strong love for Beards. I 'bully' guy-friends into growing their beards as big, bushy and long as possible! How on Earth am I to be the one responsible for my son's murder of his first beard?? Or the one after that? Or the one after that?
Oh! Which reminds me! You know that Old Wives' Tale about how shaving your beard will make it grow back thicker? Bullshit. Don't believe me? Clicky here. And here. And here too.
We've all heard of them. But how many people actually know what the Old Wives' Tales are all about?
Wikipedia describes them as:
Old wives’ tales originate in the oral tradition of storytelling. They were generally propagated by illiterate women, telling stories to each other or to children. The stories did not attempt to moralise, but to teach lessons and make difficult concepts like death or coming of age easy for children to understand. Also these stories are used to scare children so they don't do certain things.
These tales were often collected by literate men, and turned into written works. Fairy tales by Basile, Perrault, and the Grimms have their roots in the oral tradition of women. These male writers took the stories from women, with their plucky, clever heroines and heros, and turned them into morality tales for children.
Let's have a look at a few of them.
If a pregnant woman sees something ugly, she will have an ugly baby.
Have you ever seen a newborn baby? They are ugly creatures for the first couple of days!
A full moon was believed to cause a woman to go into labor and give birth.
If this were true, no pregnancy would be brought to full term since there is a Full Moon every 28 days. If the Full Mood brought on labour, it would mean that the first Full Mood to rise would lead to a miscarriage.
Using a string, hang your wedding ring over your pregnant belly. You are having a girl if the ring swings back and forth and it’s a boy if it swings in a circle.
I wonder how accurate this method is. To be honest, this is a variant of the pendulum which is used for divination purposes. I don't feel that it is accurate at all since someone's hand can very easily tremble without anyone realising it, thus influencing the outcome. Also, how would this work for unmarried mums-to-be?
The Mayan tale adds the mothers age at conception and the year of conception. If the result is a even number then mom is having a girl. If the result is an odd number then a boy is on the way
According to this, Creature will be a boy.
If you have acne while pregnant, it’s a girl. It’s thought that acne during pregnancy is caused by the extra hormones.
Extra hormones are there regardless of gender.
People believe that if you are craving salty foods while pregnant, you can count on having a boy. If you crave sweets, fruit, and orange juice, you are having a little girl.
Now, this is one thing I don't believe in. I'm nearly at the end of the pregnancy, and my cravings have not changed. Whatever I used to crave before the pregnancy, I crave now. The one exception I might make is Chocolate Milk. Then again, I believe cravings are nothing more than your body telling you that you need this or that. When it comes to the milk, it makes sense since milk contains calcium, and a higher quantity of calcium is needed throughout the pregnancy to help build the fetus's bones.
The person that is most aggressive in bed at the time of conception is the opposite of what the baby will be.
Ok.... what if both parties were equally as aggressive?
If the pregnant woman is graceful throughout her pregnancy, she’s having a girl. If she becomes clumsy, she’s having a boy.
Seeing as clumsiness increases the bigger you get - due to a bigger shift in your centre of gravity..... I don't know what to make of this one. If I were to blieve this tale, Creature's gender changed a few weeks ago from girl to boy.
If a pregnant woman prefers to lay on her left side, she’s having a boy. If she prefers resting on her right side, she’s having a girl.
One's preference entirely depends on the fetus's positioning. Since Creature tends to shift his/her bulk on the left side, I tend to sleep on my right side more often than not.
If you had a smooth pregnancy with no morning sickness, it’s a boy. If you were sick or felt really nauseous during your pregnancy, it's a a girl.
If you ask me, if you have had a smooth pregnancy, you were bloody lucky.
And last but not least, my personal favourite!
If you are really moody, you are having a girl since you have another extra girl hormones in you. Your pregnancy will make you smile and be more happy if you are having a boy because there’s a little penis inside you.
