Monday, 7 May 2012

Winds of change

Knock knock!

Anyone home?

Sorry guys, I know I promised I'd update before the weekend was over, and I haven't.


I've had complaints for not blogging lately - my sincere apologies! Life got in the way.

Since too many days have gone by, I'm unable to do a day-by-day breakdown at this point in time since things are a bit hazy.

All you lot need to know is this:

Following the blog were I left off with saying I was going to go out in the evening, and red shoes had been unexpectedly acquired, things have changed. A LOT.

Guess who's in a relationship?

Yep.

This Mama here has found herself a Homo Sapiens Specimen willing to put up with her insane ramblings and silliness and constant worries about Morgan.  Said HSS has already made an appearance in past blogs under the guise of a very good friend - namely in my entry about how a friend took ~Morgan and myself to hospital for her Chromosome count, or the one where a friend of mine was discussing Asperger's and Autism with me.  This HSS here has been there for me from day 1 of my knowing him - which was whilst I was still 6-ish months pregnant.  He was the one to take the trouble to install Linux on a pc, set up an FTP server on it, upload all of his music, and link me to it just so that I could download a handful of tunes to my phone whilst in hospital awaiting Morgan's birth to happen.

We talk a lot - and he knows Morgan will forever be my number one priority - and he is fine with that [as it should be].  He is also aware that after having been screwed over in the past, I need to take things slow - and he is fine with that too.  In a way, I feel as if I'm dating for the first time ever.

I have no idea how I'll juggle Work, Parenthood and Dating once I'm back to work to be honest - I'll figure it out somehow.  Surely I am not the first person to have to strike such a balance!

Oh, and HSS has also decided I need to learn how to drive.  So far, we've survived the first lesson in one piece.  If everything goes well, in about a year's time I might be officially a Menace Behind The Wheel and one of them Infamous Female Drivers.  Hopefully, with better skills than most.  And eventually, with a VW Beetle to call my own.

So - an incident where I screwed up royally last week:

I took the garbage out, and for once I forgot my phone and key inside.  BAM! The door slammed shut - locking me OUT and Morgan IN.  PANIC!

I rushed up and down the stairs leading to my upstairs neighbours' house twice in a frenzy trying to figure out what the hell I was meant to do.  A guy owning a garage across the street saw me panic and came over to ask what's up.  I told him I had been locked out and my daughter was inside.  He lent me his phone whereby I called my bro, asked him to log into my Facebook account and look for someone who knew my friend Rose's number as she had my spare key due to having been over at my house for a few days that week.  Eventually, he managed, and agreed to go pick up the key from her workplace.  Luckily I had already made plans with my bro's fiancee to come over for lunch - meaning she got here after about 15 minutes of my having been locked out, and she kept me company.

It took some hour or so until my bro, my mum, Rose and her son showed up - way more panicked than me - with my key.  The moment I opened the door I rushed to the kitchen where I found Morgan sitting quietly in her Rocker, waiting for me.

Yo! [4th May 2012]

As you can see in the above pic, Morgan is finally big enough to wear the Batman long sleeved top that my  friends Andy and Kyrie had sent her! She's now wearing 3-6month sized clothes, and they fit her like a glove.  Having said that, she's wearing just her onesies most of the time as the weather is starting to get too warm.

Oh, and last week, Morgan got given the cutest outfit ever that belonged to another Fae child called Faith.  Here's a couple of pics:

My Morgan The Fae with Rose :) 29th April 2012
My Ginger Faerie :) 29th April 2012
Oh, and just in case you were wondering about HSS - here is pictoral evidence of his existence:
I admit, part of the reason I was not blogging is that I originally created this blog as a place to vent whatever was on my mind.  Since he reads the blog, I wasn't about to post my internal conflict as to whether I'm better off preserving the friendship or attempt taking it a step further.  I'd have needed to keep it generic which would have probably proved to have adverse effects on it all.

My internal conflict consisted of the following - is it too early to date?  On the one hand, I've been dumped back in September by Morgan's sperm donor.  That's about 9 months ago more or less.  On the other hand. she is just 3 and a half months old.  Being a Single Parent is confusing, I must say.

I've met a lot of raised eyebrows - some people seem to think I'm a bad mum for wanting to give it a shot with someone who seems genuine.  They seem to think I ought to lock myself up and throw away the key and just be a 24/7 mum and nothing more.  It also seems to be beyond their comprehension how on Earth I can have a Date Night once a week, and still be a good mother.   I've also had people coming close to calling me a whore and accusing me of dating this guy and that guy.

Honestly? Fuck the whole lot of judgemental pricks.

Once you stop being shocked, read on, and you'll understand where I'm coming from.

Being a Single Parent means you don't have the luxury of having a partner to walk life's journey with you.  It means walking down the street pushing the pram/pushchair on your own whilst seeing other families walk by.  You get used to it, but it never stops hurting.  It also means that you have to do ALL of the parenting on your own without being able to vent about the rough patches to someone who'd know exactly what you're going on about.  Yes, there are friends.  But friends and a partner are not one and the same thing support-wise.

Yes, I'm also going to go there and point to the Elephant In The Room by mentioning that albeit it might suffer a lot, non-Single Parents also have the luxury of having a sex lfie, and a cuddle buddy.  Single Parents don't.


I fail to see how wanting to have someone in your life makes you a bad person.  Yes, you need to keep your priorities straight and you do need to be careful who you let in as they'll be part of your and your child's life.  You need to hone your communication skills and tell things exactly as they are to ensure you're all on the same page at any given point in time.

To conclude, I'll leave you with this:

I'm happy, Morgan's happy, We're all happy.  That is all that matters.


2 comments:

  1. I think it's wonderful that you found somebody! He sounds like a super awesome guy. and hey...mama's need love too! <3

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  2. Silly mama locking herself out :) I bet Morgan was giggling from within!
    Problem is everyone is entitled to an opinion and some people just enjoy having an annoying one so they can bitch...I am sure that you've been through enough ups and downs now to be cautious and sensible. Wanting someone to share life's joys and woes with is healthy. What better time to find a partner than now that Morgan is only a baby and can get used to him without too many emotional upheavals!

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