When Love and Death Embrace

Although I know the chances are pretty remote, I can't help but wonder - what if something goes wrong?  During birth I mean. Apparently it is a thought that has been on my mind long enough to work its way into my dreams.

During my last nap, I dreamt that for some reason, I needed to undergo an emergency Cesarean Section - and was put under general anaesthetic. I somehow found myself at my parents' house when I woke up, clueless as to what had happened.  Creature was nowhere to be seen and was told that s/he was at my grandma's house being babysat by someone - my brother's fiancee, I think.  I was insisting  that I wanted to see Creature and I kept getting told there was no rush and that I needed rest. I asked how they had been feeding Creature and they told me they breastfed her.  They didn't need me to be awake to do that it seems.  I complained even more saying I needed to see Creature and that I didn't even know if it was a girl or a boy.  They ruined the surprise by saying "A girl, of course" and then I woke up from my dream.  It sucked.


An element that is pretty popular in literature and film is Death during Childbirth - the death of either mother or child, and having to make the decision  who to save - or the death of one of them or even both.  It is not as common nowadays within the 'developed' world, however it is an issue that is still existent.  All it takes is something as simple as an infection, or an oversight.

I wonder how many people go into the whole Pregnancy experience and are aware that as unlikely as it may be,this could very well be the death of them.  Everyone seems to be concerned about the welfare of the child but fail to remember that they too are at risk.

It may sound wrong - hell, even to me it sounds wrong! - but in all honesty, if asked whether I'd be willing to die for Creature to live, I don't know what I would say.  I wish I could tell you that I'd say yes in a heartbeat.  I am not saying I wouldn't give up my life for his/hers, mind you.  I just don't know. A lot of people claim they would take a bullet for their loved ones, or just die for them in general.  Faced with the situation though, how many would actually keep true to their word?

What about stillbirth? It happens. I have had to deal with a fair amount of death in my life and some deaths were tougher than others when it came to dealing with the whole mourning process.  I have no idea how it might affect me if I  had to face this kind of situation.  I cannot even begin to imagine the pain parents go through when similar events occur.  Having successfully carried the pregnancy to full-term, only to be told that your child died...

I can only hope that things will turn out well.

You're cramping my style!

So, right now, as previously mentioned, I'm a ticking time bomb, ready to pop any minute.  Just like the Pringles ad says, once you pop, you can't stop. 

Anyway.  I am trying to figure out how to distinguish Braxton Hicks Contractions [BHC] a.k.a. False Labour from the Real Deal.  In theory, it is all well and good, and I understand what they are.  Which leads to me sitting here, shaking my fist at the monitor and growl at it "Yes. I get that! But what the fuck do they feel like?!?!?!"

As you can imagine, Hugh [my laptop] said nothing. Which made me roll up my sleeves and angrily pound on my keyboard "What do Braxton Hicks feel like" in the Google search bar.

I did get quite a few hits - but no clear answer. Apparently, it is different for everyone. YAY!

Ok - allow me to take a breather and retrace my steps as some of you are probably lost.

What are Braxton Hicks Contractions?
Braxton Hicks Contractions are sporadic uterine contractions.  They commence as early as of the 6th week of your pregnancy, although you probably won't start to notice them until sometime after mid-pregnancy, if you notice them at all. (Some women don't.) They get their name from John Braxton Hicks, an English doctor who first described them in 1872.

Look at them Mutton Chops! *wiggles eyebrows*

" If they occur for so long, what gives??"
I mean, it doesn't make sense, does it? Well, the thing is this... There will be a point where the BHC will stop being pretty much painless.... therefore it makes it hard to distinguish from early signs of preterm labour.

Play it safe - don't try to diagnose yourself. If you haven't hit 37 weeks yet and you're having more than four contractions in an hour — or there are more signs of preterm labour, call the hospital [if in Malta, you can call Emergency Services on 112 and ask to be connected to a midwife at Mater Dei Hospital and they should be able to do just that for you].  Alternatively, if you  think it is easier, or you'd rather take a different approach, get your arse to hospital.  It is better to have called/visited for nothing than to risk it.

By the time you reach your 38th week, your cervix will have more than likely started to "ripen" [i.e. to soften up in preparation for childbirth to occur.] Your  BHC might be getting more intense & frequent and probably make you swear a fair bit out of discomfort.  Unlike the earlier BHC, these new-and-improved BHC are probably causing your cervix thin out (efface) and maybe even open up (dilate) a bit. Congrats - you're in pre-labour.

"How on earth am I to know the difference between BHC and The Real Deal?!"
The main difference is this - BHC don't grow consistently longer, stronger, and closer together.  If you start feeling contractions that are rather painful, and regular, do something relaxing - have a bath or something. Drink a glass of water just in case it is mere dehydration that is causing them. If the pain eases up after you're done with relaxing, it means it'll have been a false alarm.  Otherwise, you'll know it is finally happening! Your minion is in the process of popping out!  Well, within the next 20+ hours or so, anyway.

"WHAT?!"
Yep.  Labour can last anywhere from the standard 15 hours, but often lasting over 20 hours it seems!  Oh joy!  Before you panic, it won't be 15+ hours of "breathe breathe breathe breathe BREATHE PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSH!!!" We're talking about the whole process here.  One which I'll delve into more detail about another time.

"I still haven't got a clue of what they feel like though..."
Yep . I know. Neither do I.  According to other people's descriptions, BHC feel like:

• "like a muscle cramping up (like a cramp in your leg), but without the pain. They don't hurt, they just feel a bit uncomfortable. Later in pregnancy they can make a hard "ball" on a section of your tummy."
• "like my stomach muscles are tightening and my stomach gets rock hard."
• "the muscles in my stomach are pulling to the centre and tightening,"
• "a mild cramp just like you would feel during the period. "
• "like I had a corset built into my back and someone was pulling the strings as HARD as possible!! (Lots of pressure on my back) & my belly went rock hard. It wasn't too painful, but it didn't feel good either."

- a few answers taken off this page.

All I can say is, I will try and let you peoples know what the experience was like for me, if it happens.

What a shitty situation!

"Oh shit."

Probably one of the most overused phrases in this day and age.


Gods know how many times it has been uttered so far throughout my lifetimes.  Come to think of it, there are quite a lot of fecal references in popular expressions - "Same Shit Different Day" "I feel like crap" "Shit happens" "Bullshit!" and so on and so forth.


Well, shit will be happening, I'm afraid.In copious amounts, and at the least convenient of times.  Such a labour, for example.

During a pre-natal class, the midwife was describing the various bits and pieces that will get attached to you, including a catheter.  There was mention of labour possibly taking hours - and in my head I couldn't help but wonder "So the catheter takes care of your needing to pee... but after spending hours pushing your guts out, who is to say you won't end up pooping the bed you're on?"  A disgusting thought, sure.  But a realistic one,  You can't really do anything other than push and push and then push it some more. A-la-la-la-la-long a-la-la-la-la-long long li long long long!  Err. Sorry about that. Momentarily got distracted!

Had to get this out of the way.

 Anyway.  Back to this crappy topic. 

I started doing some research about what can be done to minimise the chances of any 'accidents' happening during childbirth, and the first answers I came across weren't reassuring at all.  Most forums just had an "oh don't you worry about it, the medical staff is used to it and you will be too busy otherwise to be embarrassed" kind of approach.

Others seemed to imply that your body goes through this massive bowel evacuation movement a few days before labour.  Others still advised to switch to liquids and watery soups the moment you notice you're about to go into labour to ensure that you evacuate the pipes before it is too late.

Nope, still  not a satisfactory answer to me.

I also stumbled across someone mentioning Castor Oil.  Upon looking this up, it turns out that it is believed Castor Oil can help induce labour if Baby is overdue.  And this is done by triggering bowel cramps, thus making it an effective laxative.  Upon reading further though, it turns out that Castor Oil can cause - and I quote - " painful cramps, fecal incontinence and explosive diarrhoea. Its action can go on for hours, sometimes unpredictably and powerfully causing an involuntary bowel movement at inconvenient locations and during sleep" [quoted from Wikipedia].  As effective as it may be, I'd rather not risk it. 

Now I'm aware that different countries might vary slightly in their methods, so I decided to ask some local friends of mine who work in the medical industry.  It has been confirmed to me that an enema is given to minimise the chances of things  getting pretty stinky. Awesome! That has  taken a shitload of concern off my mind.

A by-product possibility of labour is piles.  A nurse friend of mine suggested to pack some piles cream in advance, just in case.


Once labour is over and done with, and Baby is born, it will be his/her shit you will have to put up with.  Surprisingly enough, Baby Poo comes in a wide variety of colour, textures and smells.  Yes, disturbing, and revolting.  But, the next few years of your [and my] life will be so full of it that I needed to know the differences to be able to tell if something is wrong or not.  Google, my old friend, helped me out with that.  Here is a guide to different Baby Poo - opt for text-only, or full-blown visuals!  Enjoy!