Baby you're all that I want, when you're lyin' here in my arms

I wonder what Morgan dreams of. I love watching her sleep. Her sleep tends to involve a lot of eye rolling, changing facial expressions and sounds.

A friend had warned me about the eye rolling. Good thing she did, as it would have been quite a shock had I been unaware of it! It tends to bring to mind a cute version of The Exorcist - pretty creepy, I assure you! The whole eyes rolling deal is due to her optic muscles not being mature yet, so she doesn't have much control over them. This is the same reason some babies go cross-eyed from time to time, or have instances of "lazy eye". Her eye rolling during sleep signifies that she is within the REM period of her napping.
Not the bald, whiney guy-fronted band, no.

REM - Rapid Eye Movement - is a particular instance within sleep where A newborn baby spends more than 80% of total sleep time in REM. People's vividly recalled dreams mostly occur during REM sleep. [For more info clicky here.]

Needless to say, besides from the loving gaze that is to be expected, my watching her sleep is also heavily sprinkled with curiosity. Watching her eyes flutter open and roll up as she chuckles makes me wonder what World Domination Plans she is dreaming up!

Sometimes she smiles, other times she whines like a puppy, and other times still she let's out a cry in her sleep. I would love to see what she sees, to feel what she feels. Seeing her tiny body go through this experience makes me imagine that it can only hold one emotion at a time. It must make for quite an interesting experience - especially considering that her dreaming kicked in immediately. Having had limited exposure to the outside world [and by outside, I mean out of the womb] makes it even more enticing!
I wonder, does she dream of me? What do I look like from her point of view? What does she think of me? And how do I sound to her? I will never know, unfortunately. I can only hope she sees me as the one that will protect her by any means necessary.

Dream a little dream of me

Dreams are evil little bastards. At this moment in time, I seem to be dreaming extremely vividly- mainly about things that worry me,or random nonsense. This means that I wake up more exhausted than ever and need to sleep again.

Vivid dreams are very common throughout pregnancy - especially in the last trimester.  Trying to interpret the dream can be somewhat tricky as the standard dream meanings may not apply. This means you just have to accept it as yet another annoying symptom and ignore it.

I just wonder whether I will ever get a good night's sleep ever again.

Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick Tock

Anyone who has been a 'friend' of mine on Facebook for at least a year knows I like countdowns. Not just generic countdowns.  Mine would be exact to the minute. I like counting down to whatever it may be that I'll be looking forward to. Travels, a particular event- you name it.


Therefore, this sucks.

I don't like not knowing when Creature will be here. Having an estimation is not good enough for me.I have come to realise that I really do love plotting and planning! Not just evil mischievous schemes - but serious stuff too.

A friend of mine recently asked me if I had any dreams in life. I thought about it for awhile and realised that I don't.  I don't have dreams - I have plans.

Not so much nowadays.

I grew accustomed to being in control at all times of my life.I don't like being helpless or having to rely on others.That is why it has been so tough for me to adapt - I think I have come a long way though when it comes to involving others in things I cannot take care of myself at this present moment in time.

I only wish I had a better idea of when Creature will be evicted from my womb.

I look forward to having my internal organs shift back to their original places and to be able to sleep on my stomach again!

There will be plenty of challenges I will have to face, mind you. I am currently trying to figure out how on earth I will manage to successfully have a shower with Creature around.I will have to keep him/her close so I can keep an eye on him/her. Either that, or have someone come over and babysit whilst I shower.

Cooking might be tricky as well - mainly to keep the food from getting burnt. Ah well, practise makes perfect they say!

When Love and Death Embrace

Although I know the chances are pretty remote, I can't help but wonder - what if something goes wrong?  During birth I mean. Apparently it is a thought that has been on my mind long enough to work its way into my dreams.

During my last nap, I dreamt that for some reason, I needed to undergo an emergency Cesarean Section - and was put under general anaesthetic. I somehow found myself at my parents' house when I woke up, clueless as to what had happened.  Creature was nowhere to be seen and was told that s/he was at my grandma's house being babysat by someone - my brother's fiancee, I think.  I was insisting  that I wanted to see Creature and I kept getting told there was no rush and that I needed rest. I asked how they had been feeding Creature and they told me they breastfed her.  They didn't need me to be awake to do that it seems.  I complained even more saying I needed to see Creature and that I didn't even know if it was a girl or a boy.  They ruined the surprise by saying "A girl, of course" and then I woke up from my dream.  It sucked.


An element that is pretty popular in literature and film is Death during Childbirth - the death of either mother or child, and having to make the decision  who to save - or the death of one of them or even both.  It is not as common nowadays within the 'developed' world, however it is an issue that is still existent.  All it takes is something as simple as an infection, or an oversight.

I wonder how many people go into the whole Pregnancy experience and are aware that as unlikely as it may be,this could very well be the death of them.  Everyone seems to be concerned about the welfare of the child but fail to remember that they too are at risk.

It may sound wrong - hell, even to me it sounds wrong! - but in all honesty, if asked whether I'd be willing to die for Creature to live, I don't know what I would say.  I wish I could tell you that I'd say yes in a heartbeat.  I am not saying I wouldn't give up my life for his/hers, mind you.  I just don't know. A lot of people claim they would take a bullet for their loved ones, or just die for them in general.  Faced with the situation though, how many would actually keep true to their word?

What about stillbirth? It happens. I have had to deal with a fair amount of death in my life and some deaths were tougher than others when it came to dealing with the whole mourning process.  I have no idea how it might affect me if I  had to face this kind of situation.  I cannot even begin to imagine the pain parents go through when similar events occur.  Having successfully carried the pregnancy to full-term, only to be told that your child died...

I can only hope that things will turn out well.