Brainstorming

Tonight I don't have anything in particular going through my head. It is merely a mish-mash of thoughts and question marks that only time can eliminate.

It is funny how much I've  changed over these past 8 months.  My priorities have shifted more than ever.  I see friends of mine who had children and who changed overnight. Suddenly they became parents and seemed to have lost their identity. I fear it is an epidemic condition - I have been exhibiting such traits myself recently.  Sometimes my mind feels like it is turning into jelly. 

Someone, please shoot me if I become one of them people who go on and on and on about their perfect - or perfectly diabolical - child 24/7.  In this blog, it is to be expected - but I would still like to be able to talk about other stuff outside of the blog.  I don't want to become a mindless drone.

Another thing on my mind is "How the hell am I going to cope?"

Tomorrow, my elder sister decided to organise a Baby Shower for Creature. I'm providing the venue,but everything else is out of my hands.  I have never been to such a thingy so I am not sure what to expect.  We'll see.  I will keep you updated!

Now, I'm off to combat heartburn again.  I feel as if I'm turning into a mint plant with all the Gaviscon I've been chewing on!

The Elder Scrolls

There is a moment in life that is perhaps even more difficult to accept as a reality than parenthood.  It is, after all, the next step up.  Grandparenthood is a tough transition to digest and adapt to.  Yes, it is extremely exciting - but, it makes the Grandparent-to-be realise that they are growing old, and will now have to pass on the crown to the next in line.


I see this difficulty by observing my own parents.  Although they are both excited [and show the excitement in different ways], I can see how much they struggle with the fact that they no longer are Omnipotent - and that I get to have the final word, not them.  I would guess it is more or less the same as admitting defeat, in a way.

To some, becoming a Grandparent might be the one opportunity they have to redeem themselves and try to rectify any mistakes they may have made with their own children,  To others, it is the perfect chance of taking all that was fun about parenthood and relive it all over again - this time without having to worry about being the "Bad Cop".

As difficult as it might be for you to wrap your head around your own impending parenthood, try and be as understanding as you can with the Grandparents-to-be.  It might take you an extra effort not to bite their head off when they insist about doing things their way - but with a bit of patience, you'll manage to agree to disagree at first, and then eventually, find a solution.

I had to face this with my own mother when it comes to Childcare.  She seemed to take offence at my mentioning Childcare Centres to her at first.  She wanted to be the one to babysit for me whilst I'm at work.  I tried to word things as simply and carefully as I could, on separate occasions.  I showed her that I still had every intention of checking out some Centres - and went into detail about one of them to make her realise why I consider it to be a good option to have.  By the end of it all, she ended up telling me she now realises that yes, I should go for it.

My siblings and I grew up with our Grandparents and Great Aunt as our babysitters.  I suppose mentioning Childcare Centres to my mum felt as if I was trying to rob her from "her turn" at living through the experience.

I don't really have any advice to share - other than to be patient.  You have the final word - but it doesn't hurt to ask for the Grandparents' opinion in certain matters - it will make them feel useful and included.

We don't need no education... Or do we?

Yet another insomniac night, I'm afraid! Since I have had quite a productive day yesterday, I figured I would carry on being productive all night long, too.  My focus? Childcare.

I have mentioned in a previous blog that it is important to have back-up plans sorted out way in advance - especially when you're a Single Parent.  Even if you have no intention of signing up your child to a Childcare Centre, scout the options out there. You never know what you might require.

First things first
When it comes to Childcare, there are actual National Standards for Child Day Care Facilities which have been issued back in 2006 by the Government.  You can clicky here for the English version, or here for the Maltese version.

By familiarising yourself with these standards, you will be able to understand better what constitutes a good childcare centre, and what doesn't.  It will also set your expectations in a realistic manner.

Provisionally Registered Childcare Facilities
"What does this mean exactly?" you'll be wondering.


It basically means that the Department of Social Welfare Standards carries out an assessment of the Centre to outline what areas are compliant to the National Standards, and which areas require further development.  The Centre then commits to working on the areas requiring development so as to become fully compliant. All facilities which have been granted with this certificate are obliged to display it in a prominent place within the facility. Failure to comply with the conditions of the agreement will result in the withdrawal of the certificate of Provisional Registration.

The entire list of provisionally registered facilities is available here.


Know your rights
Whilst doing my research, I came across the following Q&A from the Frequently Asked Questions on the DSWS's website:

"Q: ARE THERE ANY INCENTIVES FOR PARENTS WHO SEND THEIR CHILDREN TO PROVISIONALLY REGISTERED CHILD DAY CARE FACILITIES?

A: First and foremost, parents who choose Provisionally Registered Child Day Care Facilities for their children have an assurance that the facility is striving to operate according to a set of established standards in the best interest of their children.

In addition, these parents would also be eligible for a tax rebate calculated upon their taxable income less a maximum of €1000 for each child. Further information can be obtained from the Department of Inland Revenue or by clicking here."

2Tax Rebate? Interesting!" I thought to myself.  Off I went to the Inland Revenue & Customs website to get more information about it.  I couldn't find the information at first, and their not having a search function made me grumble quite a bit.  Until it happened - I found it!


If you clicky here, the booklet on how to fill in the Tax Returns form comes up.  On Page 19, it is explained in detail as to what this Tax Rebate involves and whatnot.  Another interesting thing I noticed [Page 6] was this: Single Parents' Tax Status changes to match that of Married couples! I was unaware of it.  This is why doing your homework is vital - no one gives you this information unless you ask for it.  These are all things that work in your favour - so make sure you make the most out of them!

There is a list of Childcare Centres on Pages 34 & 35 and a list of Private Independent Nurseries & Schools on Page 37. On Page 40 you'll find a list of what Tax Rates are applicable to you.

[p.s. Whenever I say page, I mean the PDF page number, not the one printed on the actual booklet pages themselves.]

The Next Steps
That would be making contact with Childcare Centres in your desired locations. In my case, I've located two Centres just a few streets away from my place.  I have sent off an email requesting an appointment with a brief explanation of what I'm looking for, what my restrictions are, and that it will be a few months before I potentially contact them again to register Creature.

The sooner you take such steps, the better.  Once Baby is born, you will have so much to juggle that you'll be thankful for any things which were planned in advance.

I will report back with updates undoubtedly in the near future!

Hello world! This is me!

Do you recall the opening scene from Sleeping Beauty? A grand hall, with the King and Queen on their thrones, presenting their newborn daughter to their guests, all of whom bestow gifts to the newborn.  Along flutter in the Fairy Godmothers Flora, Fauna and Merryweather who too bestow their gifts upon the child.  Cue evil Witch throws a tantrum for not being invited and curses Princess Aurora, and the story takes off from there.

The idea of having that sort of introduction has always appealed to me.  Yes, Baptism is something that kinda has the same purpose - but that is solely religious followed by a reception, so to me, people just attend for the sake of it without giving it too much thought.  For the most part,they are spectators.  As previously mentioned, I have yet to decide whether this is something I will go for.

One ceremony I know I do wish to hold is a Saining Ritual.  I can see your blank faces staring perplexed at me in my mind's eye.  Worry not, I'll explain what I mean.


Different religions have different Rites of Passage.  As Pagans, we too have our own versions of such rites that mark the milestones of a person's life.  In Wicca, the Baptism equivalent is known as Wiccaning.  I don't consider myself Wiccan though as it is too restrictive a term for my liking.  Which is why I opt to call myself Pagan.  Anyway, semantics.

"What does it involve though??" you might be wondering.

Well, it is a ritual that involves presenting the newborn child to society, and to the Divine, without committing them to a particular religion.  And it tends to also involved a naming ceremony.  It is not a legally recognised ceremony in Malta [for now, anyway. Who knows, things may change.] however I find it suits my idea of what it all should be like.

The basics of the rite itself are pretty standard - but like other ceremonies [think of Weddings, for example] it can be personalised.  I have been discussing it with a good friend of mine and doing some research as to who has to be involved and to get ideas to design the ceremony myself.  I have come across quite a few interesting ideas, however it is still in the works.  You do need to have Baby present, of course.  Sometimes a celebrant leads the ceremony - in this case, s/he would be referred to as the High Priest/ess or alternatively, the parent of opposite sex to Baby can act out the role.  It is also standard practice to have Godparents present who pledge themselves to being present throughout the child's life to provide support and guidance.  By no means is this a legally-binding position - however to me, a person's word is much more binding than any legal contracts.  In certain versions of the ceremony, you get to have 4 people representing the elements who are also actively involved in the rite itself.  In other versions, they are not required and the High Prriest/ess calls the elements.


Ok, looks like I may have lost you there. 

Whenever a ritual is being played out in Paganism, it is customary to invoke the elements.  Since Paganism is an earth-based belief, and has no need for stone/wooden buildings to act as places of worship, it is ideal to create a 'Sacred Space'.  It becomes a place which is no place, and a time which is no time.  All the invocation entails is pretty much to ask the Four Elements of Air, Earth, Fire and Water to be present in order to provide protection and guidance.  The circle itself does not need to physically exist - it can merely be visualised.  It allows you to separate yourself from Daily Life and leave all negativity outside of that serene place you will have created for yourself and any others joining you.

There is also an invitation sent out to the God and Goddess to be witnesses of it all, and to provide protection and guidance to all people within the sacred space.  Lost you again, have I?


Ok, picture this. The Yin-yang.  Th God and The Goddess are neither 100% good nor 100% evil - for in nature there is no such absolute.  Therefore you get the white bit of the Yin-Yang sporting a black dot, and the black bit sporting a white dot.  Together, these two halves make up one symbol .  In the same fashion, the God and the Goddess make up The One.. The All.. The Source of all that ever was, is and will be,  Now, you might still be confused as to which God and Goddess I'm referring to.  Picture a disco ball.  All the tiny mirrors that make up the ball are all the different Goddesses ever mentioned and/or worshipped throughout history of mankind.  They all represent different aspects of the same entity.  The same symbolism can be applied to the God. 

As you may have deducted from the chants I have posted - unlike its Catholic equivalent, Saining would involve singing - and yes, sometimes dancing and drumming and all sorts of merrymaking.  Prayer does not have to be serious business - after all, if the Divine didn't have a sense of humour they would not have made sex such a hilarious process to have to go through. 


Last but not least, the people you need to have around are the Guests - to which after both the parent[s] and the Godparents commit themselves to protecting and assisting the newborn child throughout life, the child him/herself is presented.  All people involve get to wish something on behalf of the child, or make a promise to the child that they must stick to.

As with all rituals, Saining would then be followed by lots of delicious food and drinks and socialising.  This is where the 'reception' bit would kick in, basically.

It will happen - it is purely a matter of deciding when,and who to involve.  I understand some people might not feel comfortable attending a rite which doesn't belong to their faith.  I only hope that whoever does show up, will take the same attitude I adopt whenever attending a Wedding or a Funeral myself.  Although I am not of the Catholic Faith, I still show up out of respect for the person involved.

Single Motherhood: A Plethora of misconceptions.

Single Parenthood is something there is very little knowledge about unless it affects you.  At least that seems to be the case in Malta.  A lot of people are under the impression that by not listing the child's father on the birth certificate, this will automatically entitle you to shitloads of benefits.  The reality of it all is far from this being the case.

First of all, I find it pretty demeaning that the only way to not list the father on the birth certificate is "Father Unknown".  It very rarely is the case that the father is truly not known.  Most of the time, it is purely a case of the Sperm Donor not shouldering his responsibilities.  To me, the whole "Father Unknown" thing is offensive not only to the mother, but to the child as well.  It automatically sheds a bad light on them both.  In truth, this should be amended to say something along the lines of "Deadbeat Dad" which would reflect the reality of the situation more accurately.

I have been doing some research out of necessity and so I'll be sharing the information I have obtained so far with you lot in an attempt to clarify some common misconceptions.

The only benefit you get is Children's Allowance, if you're employed.

Children's Allowance is a Government Aid given to all parents - be they married, cohabiting or single.  For more in depth information, you can either clicky here if your annual income is less than €23,983.00, or here if it exceeds the aforementioned amount.  Should you receive Child Support from the Sperm Donor, this must be declared as it will affect the amount you receive.

If your child happens to be affected by a mental or physical disability, you may be eligible for the Disabled Child Allowance, which is over and above the Children's Allowance.

If you happen to be a Foster Parent, there is an allowance for you too that you can apply for.

Here you will find listed the Maximum amounts that are possible to be obtained weekly and annually, as well as some additional information regarding the different benefits mentioned so far..

If you have clicked the above link, you will notice something called Maternity Allowance.  I will clarify this as it might be a bit confusing.  Maternity Allowance is paid to you only if you're either a) unemployed or b) will not be availing herself from Maternity Leave which would usually be paid for by the employer.  The application must be submitted either once yo reach your eighth month of pregnancy or within six months from the birth date.

Maternity Leave in Malta is in the process of changing.  Up until last year, we were entitled to 14 weeks of paid Maternity Leave - 4 weeks of which must be taken before Baby is due.  As of this year, an extra 2 weeks were added on which would be paid for by the Government at the rate of €160 weekly.  To apply for these extra 2 weeks, one must collect a form from their local Social Security Office.  Next year [2013], there should be another extra 2 weeks added on to bring the total amount of weeks up to 18.

So, what happens if you decide to quit your job and become a full time single parent?  Well, for starters, you'll be looking at Energy Benefits whereby you can apply to receive a subsidy to help you cover the costs of Water & Electricity bills.

If you happen to be unable to breastfeed for medical reasons, you can also apply for a Milk Grant which will require an official document to be issued by your doctor, and once it is approved, it would be issued to be from Baby's birth up until s/he is 40 weeks of age.

There is also another benefit, which is the equivalent of the dole, called the Single Unmarried Parents' Allowance which is applicable only if you're unemployed or work up to a maximum of 8 hours per week and earn no more than €50 as a gross amount.


If you live in a rental property, you can also look at claiming Housing Benefits whereby you'd be given a subsidy by the government that will help you cover your monthly rent.  Further information can be obtained by clicking here.


Last but not least, you can also apply for the EU Food Vouchers however I was not able to find much information about them.  They normally are applied for when you've got a case of a low-income family, and are limited to items such as Pasta, Rice and some other basic foods.  


You do not start receiving all these benefits immediately.  The first thing that is processed is the Children's Allowance, followed by the Single Unmarried Parents' Allowance, and then followed by everything else.


To place any claims, you will need your National ID Card as well as a Copy of your Bank Statements, since any  savings you have sitting in your bank account will be taken into consideration.  Any other paperwork required will be asked for depending on your particular case.


If you need further information for yourself or someone you know, feel free to call on 159 Monday - Saturday from 8a.m. til 2p.m.  On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, the lines stay open til 6p.m.  Alternatively, visit http://www.socialsecurity.gov.mt.  Please rest assured that any information discussed is covered by the Data Protection Act, therefore you're safe to discuss things in detail as they will remain confidential.

it is better financially to be employed.  It is a matter of weighing your options - you can either provide your child a more comfortable life financially, but miss out on a heck of a lot, or be around for all the important events in your child's life but live on an extremely restricted budget.  Should you have to face that decision, good luck- it'll be tough either way.

And then the witch doctor he gave me this advice

The moment you first decide that you want to be a parent [if planned] - or the moment you first find out you're pregnant [if unplanned] - is the moment when you no longer associate doctors with feeling sickly.

Whereas prior to parenthood, you'd only visit a doctor if something is wrong with you, you now end up making your doctor's clinic a second home.  Some might even end up with their doctor's and/or midwife's personal telephone number saved on speed dial!


When I discovered I was pregnant, I had a very short period of time to find me a doctor since I was only a few days away from going abroad for about a month.  I tried to get an appointment with a few different doctors recommended by family and/or friends, but at the end, I managed to get an appointment sorted with a doctor who happened  to be a family friend - and highly recommended by quite a few people.

The more time went by, the more apparent it started to become that soon I will no longer be the patient.  The focus will be shifting on Creature the moment s/he is born.  This could only mean one thing - it was time to start looking for a Paediatrician - a good one - preferably one whose office is close to where I live.

Where to begin, though?

First off, I had to start asking around.  

Well, you can ask your obstetrician or midwife for recommendations. Hospitals, insurance companies, and medical schools also provide referrals to doctors.  Friends, family, neighbours, co-workers - they're all good points of reference.  If there are any pharmacies in your area, you can ask them too - especially since quite a lot of pharmacies tend to have a clinic attached to them.


Not having had to deal with this sort of situation beforehand, I had no idea what to look out for when trying to choose a paediatrician.  I came across various hints & tips online.  The following questions can do the trick if the paediatrician happens to be recommended by someone else:

• How does your child respond to the doctor?
• Does the doctor seem to enjoy working with children?
• Does the doctor seem to know about the latest medical advances?
• Does the doctor welcome questions?
• Does the doctor take time to discuss problems and listen to your concerns?
• If it's a group practise, do you know and like the other doctors?
• Is the office staff patient and helpful?
• How long do you usually have to wait?
• Is the waiting room pleasant and kid-friendly?
• Is parking plentiful and convenient?
• Is there anything you don't like or wish was different about your child's doctor or her practise?

On the other hand, if you go for a more direct approach, you can try and arrange a meeting with the paediatrician that you'd have found.  In which case, you may wish to prepare a few questions to ask in advance.  Here are some hints & tips on what to ask:

• Which clinics is the doctor affiliated with?
• Do the doctor's hours suit your schedule? You might prefer one who works certain days of the week or who offers evening or Saturday-morning hours.
• Does your doctor do house-calls?
• How does the office handle telephone enquiries? Does it set aside specific times for parents to call in with questions or is there an open advice line during office hours? And if staff members handle the enquiries, do they dispense their own advice or relay the doctor's?
• Does the doctor accept and answer questions by email?
• How long does it take to get a non-emergency appointment with the doctor?
• If there is more than one paediatrician at the clinic, how are appointments handled for children who are sick? Is there good chance your child will get to see his own doctor?
• Are there separate well-baby and sick-baby waiting rooms?
• Is the staff warm and helpful?
• How do you reach the doctor if your child gets sick after hours? When your doctor is not on call, who covers?
• Does the doctor have a subspecialty or an area of interest?
• Do you and the doctor have similar views on topics such as circumcision, breastfeeding, immunisations, alternative medicine, and parenting issues such as attachment parenting, co-sleeping, single parenthood, and daycare? If not, is the doctor open to — and supportive of — other opinions and approaches?
• Pay attention to such intangibles as the doctor's style. Do you want a doctor who offers choices and lets you decide which one works best for you — or would you be more comfortable with one who gives a lot of direction?
• Take note of the overall atmosphere of the office. Is it clean, warm, and inviting?
• If you drive, was parking a problem? If you don't, how easy is it to get to the doc's?

If you choose a doctor, but eventually you end up being unhappy with the service you receive, don't hesitate to discuss it with him/her, and if need be, switch to another doctor.

If you want to read further, you can clicky here for 7 signs of a good doctor, and here for 7 signs of a bad doctor.

To make your life easier, once you have actually selected a doctor you'd like to meet in person, go over this check list before you head off for your first appointment.  Following the first meeting with your child's doctor, you can then refer to this check list that will help you understand better what to expect, and help you find the right questions to ask, and things to look out for, throughout the following appointments over the next three years.

At the end of the day, the most important thing of them all is this - follow your gut instinct.  If you feel something is wrong, but the doctor says everything is ok