Usually in my blogs, I tend to share information. Today, I'm asking for information.
I was brought up within the traditional family model - mother, father, siblings, and a dog. That family model nowadays is becoming more and more uncommon. You have single parents, no parents whatsoever, two mums, two dads, step-parents etc etc. Previously these different Family Models were pretty uncommon. For a parent to be a single parent, usually they'd need to be widowed back then.
I now find myself facing single parenthood myself. I can't help but think, "How will I explain to Creature why other children have two parents, and s/he doesn't?" or "How will I manage to deal with things such as Father's Day, or compositions given at school entitled "My Father"?" What about the real possibility of bullying? There are so many questions to which I don't yet have an answer! I know that I cannot have an answer for everything - and yet, it doesn't stop me from trying.
I know these things are a few years away, however the reality of the situation is as it is, and the sooner I come up with a vague outline of a plan, the better.
So - what can you lot tell me? Any advice? Besides from not stressing out, that is - I appreciate it, but your telling me not to stress out won't make a difference.
Ros, I had a stint in an Early Childhood Education B. Ed. course in 2009/2010. Fortunately it seems that things are changing in education and schools, yes in Malta!! We were constantly drummed to make everything inclusive, from disability, race, family backgrounds, the list goes on. We were encouraged to even have eg. 'disabled' dolls, or dolls of different races. Even stories/essays nowadays shouldn't be set as 'my dad' although not celebrating fathers (or mothers) day can't be ruled out. I'm sure creature will still yearn for a positive male (note positive!! better none than a negative one, just my opinion anyway) influence. S/he could possibly find that in your own dad or a good friend of male teacher perhaps. (I'm sure you would've found a decent guy worthy of having you as his partner by the time these things become issues anyway ;)
ReplyDeleteI understand your concerns fully, (or better to say that I comprehend them) but I think that what any kid really needs is LOVE and SECURITY and GUIDANCE. So as long as you can provide creature with these s/he will be very happy, and you will be each others worlds :) thats why kids love their parent/s in all shapes, sizes and sexes. I wish you the best of luck, it's not easy being a parent, I'm exhausted and probably a bit malnourished now to be honest! But just that little contended smile when she's (finally!!) off to sleep is enough to keep you going.
xxx
Don't over think the future... gods know what's to come!
ReplyDeleteTill the child reaches that questioning age some years must pass :)
Focus on the present and the baby's well being and eventually things will turn out ok, that's for sure
be honest with him/her when (s)he asks.....
ReplyDeletebesides, by the time the issue comes up i hope you have a man in your life who takes you and creature into his life as his own, instead of trying to explain the history of a sperm-donor....
in that case, no in depth explanation needed until far later when (hopefully) creature is better able to process the information in a constructive way.....
I grew up without a biological father, mine having taken his own life just after i turned 3 years old....
don't lie to your child about it in an attempt to protect them....
i was told always that he died in a hunting accident.... then, one day when i was 12, i found in my grandmother's house a copy of his death certificate that read "suicide by gunshot to the chest"..... that information messed me up for quite a while... and, in retrospect, it's easy for me to see that it wasn't the information at all that messed me up... it was the overwhelming feeling of betrayal and deception that my family imparted on me by not telling me the truth....
your story to creature won't be that nearly that extreme... but, (s)he still deserves the truth as soon as (s)he can understand what that truth is...