Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?

"No shit, fuckin Sherlock!!!!!"
 
I walked towards the elevator screaming that to the sales girl, at the top of my lungs.

Of course, the screaming all occured in my head.

I'll start from the beginning, shall I?

Yesterday morning I had to go collect Morgan's birth certificate from the Public Registry. I was going to get a ride with my bro, but his plans changed so I bussed it instead. Silly me forgot all about the Shirt Predicament. I remembered only when, the moment I got on the bus, a couple of buses popped open, causing me to make a right tit of myself due to my forgetting I need to always wear a tank top or something underneath shirts.

Ah well. First stop:

2 minutes later, and €5 poorer, I had resolved the issue. See?

Admittedly, I paused on my way to the shop to check out some kidlet clothes in a shop within the same shopping complex. Managed to walk out bare-handed. Go me!
I made my way down to the Public Registry and thankfully didn't have to wait at all to be served.
Now, I know I had said I'd look into the whole How To Put A Guy's Name On A Birth Certificate After Him Being Left Out. Well, I couldn't be arsed looking into it. I may do if I'm motivated at a later date, or if I need to. I'll update you accordingly.

Once I had acquired the birth certificate (which cost €2.33), I made my way over to the M&S food shop. Coffee and sushi were had. NOM. Since I had yet another errand to run about an hour or so later, I decided it was time to get something useful for myself - a _good_ bra that _fits_.
Alas, no such luck was had at M&S as they only had ONE bra in the WHOLE store that was my size, and yet it didn't fit properly. I asked the salesgirl "Is this the ONLY 38G bra in the whole shop?" To which she replied "That is a difficult size to come by."

Which brings us in a full circle as to why I started this blog entry the way I did.
*Deep breath*

Not yet resigned, and with quite some time left to waste, I decided to try my luck at another Undies Shop.
 
Thankfully, the salesperson in there was WAY more helpful and actually had.. *gasp* a SELECTION of such ginormous sizes. Thankfully it was just me in the shop, since there was a blackout and I had to keep the changing room's door ajar to see wtf I was doing.

I walked out of the shop FIFTY FRIGGIN EUROS poorer. Having said that, I probably will be spending many more 50s in that shop. (That is the cost of a SINGLE bra :-/).

I ran to catch the bus and met the same person in Balzan as last week and bought more clothes for Morgan. Once the transaction was completed, I got the bus back home, and went over to my Grandma's, picked up our stuff and Morgan and walked it over to my place.

Once home, Morgan and I relaxed a bit and soon it was 10:30pm! Not having a clue where time flew off to, I fed Morgan and put her to bed. I read a bit from The Neverending Story to her - voices and all - and she listened quietly and attentively, and eventually fell asleep - as did I.
 
On a side note, I was made admin of The Pagan Mama yesterday. Since then, I've been busy keeping the page as active as possible since the other admins are in the USA. Whilst they're asleep, I'm awake. Therefore we get 24hr coverage now, which is pretty spiffy!

This morning, I got Morgan and myself cleaned up, fed Morgan, and made our way to Paola to catch the bus to Cospicua. The reason? Furniture Garage Sale!

I called the Bus Company's Call Centre first to check which bus was best to get, and the person taking my call was as clueless as me. Unsure of whether I'd be reaching my 1destination or not, I decided to give it a shot anyway.

I somehow managed to find my way - although it was quite a long walk - mostly uphill (where there was no pavement, so I was quite knackered by the end of it) and it was fruitful!

Et voila!

This, will be Morgan's new room - all that needs to be added is a mattress, some shelves and toy boxes. Working on the boxes bit though! The furniture will get delivered tomorrow afternoon. I now can't wait til the current furniture is taken away and we get to use the newly acquired one!
The moment we left the garage sale, Morgan was protesting as she was hungry. Thankfully my trustworthy phone helped calm her down - I put on music and stuck the phone next to her in the pram. The music put her to sleep, which meant I could get us to Paola without any hassles.

The journey back to Paola had a tiny incident where, whilst stuck in a bit of traffic, some Shipyard workers standing outside of a food shop started throwing kisses and making lewd gestures in my generic direction. I sighed, shook my head sadly and waved goodbye. It was so sad, it was borderline funny. You'd think a pram would act as a deterrent. Go figure!
 
Once in Paola, I stopped at a cafeteria in a shopping complex close to the bus stop, and fed Morgan and myself. Right after we were done, I managed to make use of the nappy changer in the handicapped toilets next door to the ladies' toilets. It looked like it had seen better days, so it was a bit daunting. At least it had a safety belt, so that made me feel a bit more at ease.


Once Morgan was all cleaned up, we made our way back home, and after a short while a friend came over for a bit, and whilst she was here, I fed and cleaned up Morgan again.

We are now finally relaxing a bit - listening to Practical Magic's soundtrack, whilst Morgan sleeps in her rocker.

Oh oh I almost forgot! I found a pair of purple fairy wings hanging from a tree branch on my way to the garage sale. They're awesome! They'll be thoroughly cleaned and disinfected and put in Morgan's room.

How To Register Your Child's Birth: Part One.

When a child is born, their birth needs to be registered within 5 working days, according to Maltese Laws. In the eventuality that both parents are to be listed on the birth certificate, one or both parents would need to physically go to the Public Registry Office - located on the 1st floor at Evans Building, Merchants Street Valletta - with BOTH parents' Photo ID (National ID Card or Passport).

If the child's parents are married, and the marriage occurred abroad, the original marriage certificate needs to be taken along - and this needs to be in either Maltese or English.

Should there be a legal separation or annulment, the original contact/court sentence documents need to also be taken along.

If the child is born out of wedlock, you're better off making a phone call before you go to the Public Registry Office. Their contact numbers are 22209100 and 22220920.

The opening hours are Mon-Fri 07:30 - 14:00. On Wednesdays, they are also open between 15:00 and 18:00 and on Saturday between 07:30 and 11:00.

At hospital, you're given a form on which the midwife assisting your birth giving process writes down the time and date of your baby's birth, along with your name and ID Card number and some other details, and ultimately signs it. On that same form, you then get to write down your baby's name(s) separated by commas ( , ) unless you want all names written down to appear on your child's ID Card when they grow up (e.g. If your child is to be called Mark Anthony Charles Philip Elton, but you only want Mark Anthony to be on their ID Card when he grows up, you'd need to write Mark Anthony, Charles, Philip, Elton) as well as some of your own personal details (and the father's, if his name is to appear).

Now, this is where the fun part (i.e. Confusion) begins. If the child's father is to be left out, in spite of knowing who he is, he is very tastelessly listed as "Unknown Father" - however this _can_ be changed at a later date. How? That is what I'm trying to find out.

When I called the Registry people, I spoke to a manager who told me the Father would have to speak to a lawyer and get an Act issued from Court that would then enable the Birth Certificate to be changed.
On the other hand, when I physically went to register Morgan's birth, I asked about this again and got told a different story. _This time_, I was told that both parents would need to physically go to a _Notary_ along with the child's birth certificate and get the Notary to draw up some legal document that will allow the Birth Certificate to be changed.

Since I have no intention of wasting money talking to lawyers and/or Notaries needlessly, I'm going to ask about this another 3 times. The first option to be mentioned to me three times in total will be what I consider to be correct information until proven otherwise.

Oh, and you have to pay €2.33 as a registration fee. The reasoning behind this is a mystery to me. I wonder how impossible life would be for someone whose parent[s] opt not to register their birth because they don't agree with said charge. I know it is a highly unlikely scenario, but can you imagine never having existed to the world? Location would probably be key to how easy/difficult life can be for you.
The birth certificate can then be picked up within 10 working days from the Public Registry Office, or requested online via www.certifikati.gov.mt. There seems to be yet another charge to obtain the actual birth certificate via the website. If you request just an extract, the charge is €2.33, but if you request the full birth certificate, the charge is € 9.32.

Since there are a few details I still need to obtain confirmation about, as mentioned earlier, I will write up Part 2 of this blog once the certificate itself is ready for collection.

In the meanwhile, enjoy this - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KANI2dpXLw - whilst I snuggle up to Morgan once more.

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from GO Mobile

Cut my life into pieces - This is my last resort

As those of you who follow the blog know, Morgan was born via C-Section. It wasn't planned that way - I actually had every intention of attempting natural birth - free of painkillers, even! Alas it was not meant to be.
I covered the details of the operation itself in a previous entry. What I wished to emphasise today is that a C-Section is not something to be taken lightly. A lot of people seem to think of it as a quick fix, or an easy way out. The truth is - a C-Section is MAJOR surgery. One with side-effects that can last until the day you die.

The side-effects I speak of are namely scar tissue, and nerve damage. It has been just over a week since I've been sliced and diced, and my incision feels numb. The numbness starts from just above my belly button, and extends halfway down to my pubic mound. It makes for a very peculiar sensation - almost as if you're wearing something that is too tight which is blocking your circulation. From what I read, the numbness lasts anywhere between a few months, and the day you die. When you're cut open, nerves are cut through too. This causes damages to them that can be beyond repair.

Although from the outside, the scar itself is looking neat, I can feel scar tissue building up on the inside, and this makes it more uncomfortable for me.

I have complained about the lack of independence you have to deal with when you're pregnant in another post, however C-Section recovery is even worse. How? Well.. I have been instructed not to carry anything heavier than Morgan. For about 6 weeks post-operation. She weighs just over 3kg. This means that strictly speaking I should not be carrying a couple of 2 litre water bottles - a restriction I find both ridiculous and extremely irking. I also am to avoid going up and down stairs. Good thing I live on ground floor.

Getting sewn up takes longer than having your baby cut out of your womb does. This means that whereas those who give birth naturally can potentially spend time with their newborn straight away, with a C-Section, you can't. Baby is taken away from you to be seen by the paediatrician and weighed and cleaned up and dressed. This, whilst they sew you up.

Then there is the fact that your guts are handled. Following the operation, there may be numerous issues related to your bowels. The chances of bowel injuries put aside, some women find it painful to poop, suffer constipation, or diarrhoea. This may be temporary, but it might also be long-term.

This link highlights in more detail what the risks are, and gives you links on how to prepare yourself for a C-Section and what not.

If you attend Prenatal Classes, make sure you attend both the sessions about Natural Birth, as well as the C-section. You never know what might happen - my case is a typical example.

Also, inform yourself before going for an Elective C-Section. The pain of natural childbirth might be more desirable to you once you get all your facts and figures.

Regardless of what birthing method you go for, ensure you have plenty of support available to you for the weeks following the birth. You will need every tiny bit of help thrown your way. Do your best not to over-exert yourself or you might suffer its repercussions in the long run.

Now, onto the personal updates which I'm sure a good number of you are wanting. Morgan is enjoying using me as her furniture (see photo) still, and I love it. Having her sleep on top of me is comforting for both. After spending 9 months sharing my body, being in such close proximity decreases any separation anxiety ewe might go through otherwise. She saved a Mega Nappy for my sis today - uber-poopy AND pissy, only to pee on my sister's finger whilst cleaning her up. I found it hilarious!

 Mama' mattress!

She also got given yet another load of pink clothes. Cute warm clothes which I will have to come up with clever combos to balance out the pink overdose. I blame the shops, not the people. Damn shops stock up on too much pink, blue and white, and little else.

Off to snooze with my little Fairy now!

The End Draws Nigh!

In just under 4 hours, I will be at hospital.   And guess what? Yep - still have stuff that needs to be done and yes, it is another sleepless night.


Good news is that I finally figured out how to update the blog from my phone - via e-mail.  And it works with photos too.   This means I will be able to post blog updates whilst in hospital as well. Yay!  What I might do is to pre-type an entry to announce the birth and then just fill in the blanks so that if I don't have the energy to do it myself, it will be easy to get someone to do it on my behalf and still have it be in my own words.

Yesterday afternoon, I had my last prenatal class. Since my grandmother was being discharged from hospital,my mum couldn't make it to attend the class with me this time - so my elder sister accompanied me instead.  She managed to turn my foul mood around by showing up at my place early, bearing delicious, happy-belly food: Vegetarian Lasagna, and an Orgasmic Brownie purchased from one of the most awesome food places on the island [i.e. Mint. nom!!!]

After wolfing down the lasagna, we just chilled for a bit before making our way to the clinic.  I was pleased to see that we were half an hour early since I hate being late.  We also found a parking space really close to the clinic and happened to be the first ones there.  Eventually, the other class attendees waddled up to the clinic - which was quite comical with this one woman who is 30 weeks pregnant with twins and keeps ballooning up from week to week.  She is rather short - 5 ft 2, perhaps? - and she can barely walk at this point in time without holding on to the wall or furniture. It must be a nightmare for her, mind you - but at this point it is better to laugh at oneself.

The class was basically discussing sterilisation [differences between hot sterilisation and cold sterilisation] and the New Mum's health after giving birth [which has been covered in this blog].  I have partially covered Cold Sterilisation in this previous blog too - however ~I will just recap specifically within this context.

Hot vs Cold
Cold sterilisation is the process of using water and a sterilising agent such as this, or this, whereby you allow the bottle/dummy/item requiring sterilisation to soak in the solution.  The solution itself can be used for up to 24 hours, and it is important to avoid cross-contamination.  Make sure you wash the items in advance and that you don't immerse your hands in the solution.  Use thongs to fish out items out of the solution.


Bot sterilisation is the process of using a sterilising device such as this, or this.  The first one is a microwaveable item, and the second one works using electricity to produce steam.

All of the above options are equally as efficient as long as cross-contamination is avoided. Which option you use is a matter of personal preference.  My advice would be to have a bottle of sterilising liquid even if you opt for the Hot Sterilisation process.  It is a no-brainer really - what would you do if there is a power cut?  Better take precautions. It could also come in handy to have one in your car/nappy bag especially when you will be away from home for a long period of time.  If you're over at someone's house, all you would need is to ask for a container and some water, and you'll be able to sterilise whatever you might need to.

That is all for now.


Toodles! x

Ranting helps, sometimes...

Stress levels are soaring.  When this happens, no one is to take anything I say personal - I'm bound to get extremely snappy and pretty much nearly chew people's heads off.


I understand everyone is looking forward to Creature being here - I probably am the least one to feel that way.  This is going to sound wrong on many levels - but if I could chicken out of it right now, I would actually consider it.

I hate not being in control of a situation I'm faced with.  I'm not a control freak - it just tends to emerge whenever it is my life that we're discussing.

Before anyone says anything optimistic to me - thus making me want to shove their heads so far up their arses that the Human Centipede creator would die of envy for not using this concept in his movies instead - I am not looking for sympathy/empathy.  I'm a realist by nature and  excessive optimism pisses me off.  D0on't tell me everything is going to be fine if it is not true and/or you don't have valid reasons to back up your argument.

This is exactly why I have not committed to having anyone in the delivery room with me.  I know for a fact I would end up acting like a total jerk and then just end up putting myself through a huge guilt trip.  Again - I don't want to hear that it is only natural to flip whilst giving birth. I don't care what is normal and what isn't.  To hell with the norms.


This has not been the easiest pregnancy ever.  To most, their pregnancy ends up being the happiest period of their life - or so they try to convince people.  For me, it has had a few good days - but mostly it has just been a continuous nightmare where I have had to deal with huge volumes of crap.  The drama is still not over, mind you.  I doubt it will ever be.


I'm so tired of it all.  I wish I could get away from reality for a few brief, refreshing moments. Creature has been the sole reason for me not to give up. I have been telling myself that it will all be worth it eventually.  I hope that it will truly be the case.

Is this the real life?

Last night was yet another sleepless night.  Managed to grab half an hour shut eye this morning, and then 'packed' my laundry which was to be brought at the parents' house to make the most out of the sunny day.  Since they have roof access, it means I can get much more done in a day laundry-wise at theirs rather than at my place - where I only have a small-ish back yard.

Mon  Frère  picked me up along with three bagfuls of laundry, and breakfast was had with my soon-to-be sister-in-law who at the moment is somewhat unwell [thus her being at home rather than at work today].  Laundry day was then commenced.

Right now, everyone in my family - and I'm sure pretty much all you people who are worthy of the title Friend - is trying to deal with the reality of the situation whereby the pregnancy is soon to cease and Creature will actually be in my arms.  To be able to physically see, hear, touch, and most importantly smell, him/her will surely be surreal at first.

Yesterday, my mum was quite flabbergasted at the thought that she will officially be a grandmother in a few days.  Whenever I asked her what was on her mind, she couldn't provide me with an answer.  Her thoughts were all over the place.  I understand where she's coming from as it is similar to my own thoughts.  There is a certain degree of fear - a large degree, that is - and shitloads of insecurities.  There is also curiousity, anxiety, excitement and a million other emotions.

When I asked my soon-to-be sis-in-law how she feels about it, she said she's a bit panicked and would have liked to achieved a few personal goals before Creature got here - such as quitting smoking, being healthier and being richer.  She asked, "Can s/he not stay in there a bit longer?"

I also can relate to her thoughts.  I wish I was in better shape and in a better financial situation myself.  *cue text from landlady re:rent payment as I'm typing this*  I guess I have to make the best out of things as they are.

What I would like is a vat full of that amazing pink liquid in which I can plop my brain and let it soak for a good few days.  I know it is useless worrying about stuff now - and that there is no going back.  And yet, I can't help myself.

*insert generic fist-shaking towards Christine's general direction here*

The Beginning Of The End!

My apologies in taking so long to update you! I needed to crash first.

So, I met up with my mum at about 3:30pm and hopped on the bus to the clinic. We got there at 4pm, to find an empty waiting room. Awesome! Went in to see the midwife straight away.  Blood pressure was fine, weight showed I gained another half a kilo - meaning I'm now at 86kg. I'm happy with that.  We listened to Creature's heartbeat which was strong and steady.  She then asked me if I will be breastfeeding.

I sighed. I told her I was not sure yet,and explained the difficulties I see me facing with breastfeeding and that if I will go down that road, it will only be for the first month or so.  I explained how soon I will be returning to work and the long hours I work.  She seems to have understood where I'm coming from and said that my hesitation is understandable, but that a month is better than none at all and that it is worth giving it a shot.

We then went in to see the Prof. After a few minutes of us waiting for him, he walked into the room and asked us to go into the bigger office which was now vacant.  He asked me to get on the couch, and we did n ultrasound scan.  Everything appeared to be fine.  Creature's growth is spot on!

Then, the words were spoken.


"You will be checking in at the hospital on Sunday at 10:30am"


I nodded and tried to stay calm.  He got the midwife to check how many people were scheduled to give birth on the Monday - and it turned out there were5 of them already.  So he said "OK, so you go in on Sunday for them to keep you under observation, then we start the induction for the birth to happen on Tuesday."

There. You know now. Creature's arrival is scheduled for the 31st of January 2012.

The Day After Tomorrow?

Today involved the daunting task of reassembling the Pram,Pushchair and Car Seats.  I'm sure that with practise, the whole process becomes less complicated.  It did involve a fair amount of swearing though.

On a positive note, I found out that I can get the wheels repaired.  I purchased the 3-in-1 travel system off someone else, and the front wheels do unlock to swirl around 360 degrees - however the moment they are straight again, they lock.  Also, the breaks don't seem to function.  Recently a shop selling solely items of this particular brand opened nearby, so I asked my mother to check for me whether they would be able to repair one even though it was not purchased as new from their shop and they said it can be done.  This means that next month, I'll be hopefully getting it fixed since this month finances are quite tight.

Tomorrow is D-Day.  I get to find out whether Creature is to be born this weekend or not.  I'm anxious and excited as well about it.  I will post an update the moment I get home after the doctor's appointment since I haven't yet managed to set up blog postings from my Blackberry.  I know it is done by sending an e-mail from the phone, however I can't seem to figure out how to sync the phone to the Blogger account as of yet.  Anyone who may be able to illuminate me on how this can be done, please do.

The Calm Before The Storm

I don't know if this happens to you guys as well - but, whenever I'm close to a deadline, instead of panicking, a strange calm overtakes me.   My mind gets split in two.  There will be one half urging me to get to work on whatever it is, screaming and running about, throwing a scene.  The other half will opt for a laid back attitude where procrastination is dominant.

At the moment,I've got a list of things that need to be done before the end of next week [for obvious reasons], however the only thing I feel like doing is sleep.  Knowing that this will be the last few moments of complete silence I will be getting for a while makes me appreciate it more and wanting to savour it.

Tomorrow I've got another prenatal class.  I must remember to let the midwife know that this may very well be my last one so that if there is any important info she needs to dish out, I'll be sure to obtain it.

Oh, and just in case you were wondering what the doll I was making is, here's the finished result:

Yep. It is a bunny rabbit.

 As silly as it may sound,  the idea that Creature will be popping out soon is strange. People around me, as well as myself, got used to the pregnancy. To think that there will be another major change happening puts you back to square one where you have to learn how to deal with it all. 

I'm quite looking forward to finding out whether Creature is a boy or a girl. It will be odd not calling him/her Creature after having used that nickname for so long! 

This is ourselves - Under pressure

So, today I had my doc's appointment. I met up with my mum and grabbed a quick bite before catching the bus to go to the doc's clinic.   Got stopped by numerous annoying promoters trying to sell random crap [such as Vodafone promoters blablabla] - which I obviously ignored.  There were two such promoters though that I stopped to talk to - they were raising funds for a girl who used to work with me - Angie Bajada - who was involved in a really bad bike accident a while back and is nowadays in a vegetative state.  She was 21 years of age when this happened, and has a very young daughter.

On the bus, it got me thinking.

How many risks have I taken in the past without giving it a second thought? More than I care to remember.  I don't know what would be the hardest thing to deal with - watching your own parents grieve for you, or watching your child[ren].  What would be best, to live in a vegetative state or to die?  It somehow puts things into perspective and makes you understand what must have been going through your parents' heads whenever they warned you to be careful - or got upset at your being reckless.

Once at the clinic, it didn't take long for us to see the midwife.  Turns out I gained 500 grams within a week.  Acceptable in my books.  She listened to Creature's heartbeat which she was pleased with, and checked some other stuff. All was well.

This led to us waiting for a while longer for the Doc to see us.  After a short while, it was our turn.  Doc did the ultrasound scan, and the first thing he tried to check was the BPD [explained in this previous blog].  He goes "How big is this baby's head?! The computer is saying 'Out of range' when I try to measure it!"  This made me giggle - if a bit nervously at the thought of Creature's big head having to be squeezed out of me.

Anyway.  He managed to take a measurement and checked that everything else is up to speed as well.  Doc then says "I'm guessing you're eating correctly, right? I would think so, judging by the baby's development." Yay!

So, once I get off the couch, he proceeds to tell me "I will see you next week, and I will probably then send you off to hospital the following day."

WHAT?!

Doc carries on to say "Next Thursday, during your appointment, we'll see how the development is going, and I'll give you the date of when you'll be admitted into hospital next week.  It will probably be the  Friday, otherwise we risk the Baby becoming too big.  We'll use this gel to get things going, then after about 12 hours we use it again, and the contractions will do everything by themselves.  We'll just be giving it a little push."

This means that by next weekend, Creature is likely to be here!!  It is scary,exciting, and every other emotion in between!

On this note, I'm off to bite my fingernails some more.

By the pricking of my thumbs, Something awesome this way comes!

I have had my Doc's appointment yesterday - just the usual scan & check-up.  Turned out I gained 2 kilos since my last visit 2 weeks ago. 2 kilos is good.  It looks like Creature is putting on weight rapidly since from my end, the only thing to get bigger has been the belly as far as I can tell.

It is now getting to a point where Creature is filling in, meaning limbs are becoming a bit hard to tell apart on the sonogram machine's monitor.  I didn't get measurements this time as I couldn't see them clearly from where I was laying down, angle-wise.  The only one I could see was the abdominal circumference [AC] as being 35cm - that's 2.5cm-ish bigger than a couple of weeks ago!

Profs, [my doc is actually a Professor] said that he is thinking I may be induced a week early, depending on Creature's developments.  The moment he said it, a light bulb went off in my head.  On my paperwork, the Estimated Due Date is the 7th of February - a week early would make it... Imbolc!

"What?"
Imbolc is the first Sabbat to happen iwthin the Modern Day Calendar [in Paganism, the New Year would start on Samhain a.k.a. Halloween], which is followed by Yule and then Imbolc].  In Christianity, Imbolc is known as Candlemas, and it also happens to be known as Groundhog Day in the States.

Imbolc coincides with St Brigid's Day.  Brigid, also known as Brighid, Bríde, Brigit, Brìd) is the Gaelic goddess of poetry, healing and smithcraft.  As both goddess and saint she is also associated with holy wells, sacred flames, and healing. The lighting of candles and fires represents the return of warmth and the increasing power of the Sun over the coming months

"Who?"
Brigid is borderline Goddess/Saint.

This to me hold a very particular meaning.  As I'm writing, I have come to realise that there is a hell of a lot going on, most of which you might dismiss as being a pattern I'm seeing only because I am biased.  I will not attempt to convince anyone of anything.  Let us just say that I do not believe in coincidences.  There is a lot that will become clear to me and to those around me in due time.

If Creature turns out to be a redheaded girl, it will be the finishing touch to it all.  I know I'm being cryptic, and for that, I apologise.

If I may, I will try to explain myself.

A while back, I got a tattoo on my forearm... a female dwarf called Bridget. Bridget Stouthammer.  Although she is tattooed in Black & Grey shading, she is a redhead.  In other versions of the same dwarf - namely ones in colour - this feature is highlighted - excuse the pun.  I got her done not only because of my love for dwarves within the fantasy world - especially female ones as they seem to be pretty uncommon.  My reason for getting her done, and placed on my left forearm, is for her to symbolise the Warrior aspect of the Goddess.  She has a pleasant smile on her handsome face, but her right hand is holding a Hammer that is casually slung on her shoulder, and her left hand is on her belt, right next to her short sword.  Piss her off, and you'll pay dearly for it.

Now.... today after the realisation that Creature might be born on Imbolc, I tried calling a very dear friend of mine, to let her know.  I knew she would understand immediately why I was somewhat excited about it.  She was too.

As my mother and I were walking past a pet store on our way for coffee, before the Prenatal class started, I noticed this plant:

Well, not the plant itself, anyway.  The sign above it saying "Madonna Lily".  The plants were unremarkable, as they were not flowering so they weren't much to look at.  I just recall thinking to myself "Hmmmmm.... huh? Cool name. I like Lily." and immediately started singing this song in my head.

I thought nothing of it... until now. 

Plant motifs associated with St Brigid include Madonna Lily (since medieval times, also associated with the Virgin Mary) and the Brigid anenome (the Windflower or Poppy Flowered Anemone, since the early 19th century), while Cill Dara, the church of the oak, is associated with a tree sacred to the Druids.

- from Wikipedia's article

Another thing I realised whilst reading the Wikipedia articles about both the Saint and the Goddess is that there is also a connection to the Black Madonna.  Another good friend of mine was always passionate about the Black Madonna - and all the information I know about Her is thanks to him.  We grew apart nowadays - as tends to happen when life gets in the way - however we still have long chats whenever possible.  After not hearing from him for a while, he messaged me two or three days ago, and the subject of the Black Madonna came up again.

Now... nothing might come out of all this.  For all I know, Creature might be a boy.  Either way, I wanted to put this out there, just in case.  I didn't want to write about it after Creature's birth as I didn't wish for any of this to be thought of as mere fabrication.

Be it a boy or a girl, I believe that Creature will be bringing quite a bit of magick in my life - not simply in the manner that children tend to - but in a more esoteric sense.  Who knows?

I'm excited!

A Date with Destiny

Today will be one hell of a long day.  After managing to grab 4 hours' worth of sleep, I'm trying to convince myself I should take it easy and not do much, since I have a good 7 to 8 hours away from home later on.  My poor back will be the one to suffer the most I'm afraid!


So, today will involve a doctor's appointment, which might very well be the last one - who knows?  This will then be followed by another Prenatal class.

The thought that this might be the last time I see Creature on the ultrasound machine's monitor is sad, exciting, unnerving and extremely pleasant at the same time.  Our next encounter might very well be a face-to-face meeting!


Imagine you've been set up for a blind date with the one person you know is The One, by the most amazing of circumstances.  However the date was agreed to happen in 9 months' time.  In the meanwhile, you haven't had any direct contact with your Date.  You've had people telling you things about him/her, you've done your research based on the information given to you, as well as some research based on "what if" scenarios.

You've finally gained quite a bit of theoretical confidence - on paper, you know all there is to know for this Blind Date to be successful.  You know that you've taken care of everything within your power to ensure it works out.  And yet, you're aware that not everything is within your power - there may be external influences that determine how well the evening will turn out.

"What if s/he doesn't like me?"

That, is probably the biggest fear of them all.  Can you feel the butterflies fluttering about in your stomach? The sweaty palms of your hands, the threat hanging over your head that your voice might break up or that you'll say the right thing at the wrong time - or the wrong thing at the right time.

Now picture this - you arrive at the agreed location to meet your date..... but you're early.  How do you feel? Nerve wrecking, isn't it?


Now... amplify all that nervousness, uncertainty, doubts, anticipation, excitement..... amplify it all by a gazillion times.

You are still nowhere close enough to understanding what being so close to meeting Creature in person feels like.


As much as I truly appreciate the support people have been showing, and their confidence in my abilities to be a good mother - the judge of it all, at the end of the day, will be Creature.  For what might be the first time in my life, I actually care what someone else thinks of me. 


I'd like to make it clear that I'm not looking for any pity, nor am I fishing for compliments.  I'm just being honest in saying that being so close to the finishing line and making the transition from Pregnant Woman to Mother scares the living crap out of me. I don't believe it gets easier with time - human relationships rarely do... and I suck at them heh.  I can only hope that Creature and I will have compatible characters, and that when the day comes where we'll be arguing and s/he yells at me how much I suck as a mother and how much s/he hates me... well.. I hope that I will have done every possible thing within my power to be able to accept those words as bullshit spewed in anger.