Tuesday, 10 January 2012

A very merry unbirthday to you!

Everyone enjoys public holidays, right? Well, not really.

Some of us are unfortunate enough to have been born on the most awkward dates ever.  Let's have a look and see why:

New Year's Day - 1st of January
Well, that pretty much screwed up your mum's plans for the previous evening for a very long time.  It also means that your name - if not your face - landed you in newspapers and/or TV from day 1.  This year, one lady I used to metaphorically bump into at my doc's clinic was one of the New Year's New Mums.  My own mother called me to tell me about it, since I don't want local TV... nor any TV really, anyway.  No more shall I be amused by said Lady's animal-print, skinny fit, bright pink, uber-furry wardrobe.  Beautiful woman - bad taste in clothing.  Anyway.

This means that later on in life, you will rarely get to celebrate your birthday as just that.  Also, it will make it awkward for your friends to attend as they are bound to have other social engagements.

St Paul's Feast - February 10th
Yes, it is awesome to always have the day off for your birthday - however you are almost guaranteed that your birthday will be rainy.  Plus, if you parents are 'those kind of people' - you're likely to be named Paul, Paula, Pauline etc.

Valentine's Day - 14th February
If you happen to be in a relationship on your birthday, you're bound to only get the one gift from your partner, as opposed to two, like everyone else does.  If on the other hand you're single, you will be made aware of that fact every single year.  Your friends will be unlikely to make it to your birthday's celebrations and getting time off work will be a nightmare as all the couples will have taken up the available hours off.

You also get to be called Valentina/ Valentino if your parents deem it befitting.

Leap Year - 29th February
You only get to celebrate your birthday on its actual date once every four years, and will have to put up with a lifetime of people making remarks about how you're actually 1/4th your age e.g. If you're 16, you're really only 4 years old.

St Joseph's Feast - 19th March
Again, chances are, you'll be called Joseph,  Josephine, Josef, Josefa, or any other variant of the name.

Any time between February and April - Lent & Carnival
If your birthday occurs during lent, you might be screwed.  It depends entirely on how strict your parents are in their making you give up sweets during that time of the year.

Fine, you get to have a fancy dress party should Carnival happen on your birthday.  However, it can become old very quickly.  Especially when your friends don't show up for your birthday celebrations because they are busy partying elsewhere.

April Fool's - 1st of April
You'll be the butt of the same old jokes over and over again every time someone finds out about it.

Any time between March & April - Our Lady of Sorrows, Good Friday, Easter
Your birthday will be of secondary importance, and you'll be restricted food-wise as a lot of catering establishments avoid meat on the first 2 holidays I mentioned.  If your birthday happens to be Easter Sunday, you'll have a positive aspect to it - lots of chocolate eggs.

Again, though, it will be a nightmare to take time off work.

Any day in May, June or July
May is full of various feasts - the greatest risk you run is being called Mario or Maria or any other variation throughout this month.  It also happens to be the period where your social l life as a student preparing for their O/A/Intermediate level exams will vanish.  If you're unlucky enough, there will be the village feast causing noise pollution as you attempt to pull an all-nighter and study.  This also means that once you start working, you'll be unlikely to get time off for your birthday and once you have children of your own, you'll spend your birthday telling them off for procrastinating and to study.

Similarly, both June and July have a long list of village feasts involved, so you'll be more likely to be named after a saint.  There aren't that many issues you'll come across though - you're just more likely to share your birthday  with half a dozen acquaintances.

St Maria's Feast - 15th August
Good luck getting the day off work! Unless you're one of those lucky ones who work for a business that closes down for a few days round about that time.  Again, Mario or Maria is most likely your name.  You'll be unlikely to manage to book yourself a few days away from home - at least not without paying an arm and a leg for it! Your friends are also likely to have made plans elsewhere so they won't be around to help you celebrate.

Late September
September is a good month if I say so myself! [This is where I mentally wave at my fellow Virgos out there.]  The issue with this month is mainly the weather being unreliable.  Oh, and it is also Back To School month. Which can be somewhat stressful! [p.s. Late August/Early September-born people are proof that their parents had a really good Festive season]

October & November - the most relaxed months of them all
The only issues I can  see with October is if your birthday is close to Halloween - as a lot of people will have already  made other plans and won't be around to help you  celebrate.  Other than that - huzzah!

Heh. You're likely to get half as much gifts as everyone else   It will also be the case that your birthday will eternally have a Xmas theme.  If you're born really close to Xmas, you're risking being called Noel/Noelle or even worse, Natalino or Natalia.  A smartass or two might ask if you were born in a manger and try to be punny - but thankfully for you, there aren't that many smartasses around.


  1. ....being born in mid-December has become incredibly awkward since I started uni! Both last year and this year, I celebrated my Birthday the weekend after everyone broke up from Uni, so everyone went back home to their parents/countries up in Manchester/Birmingham/Portsmouth/AnywhereThatIsn'tBrighton .... Dammit!

  2. *by last year and this year I meant 2010 & 2011! I still can't get used to 2012...

  3. what really sucks is being born early to mid January. Because if you have cheep family out of town, they might just stall on your Christmas present and send it between then and your birthday (or you know...3 weeks after your birthday. that's happened to me too.), and they think that then covers both of them. I can't begin to count the number of times this has happened to me. and usually your combined xmas/bday present is usually something cheep because family are recovering financially from Christmas.