Sunday, 1 January 2012

My name is... what?

There is a standard protocol one follows whenever they find out an acquaintance, friend or relative is pregnant. First off, they look at Pregnant Person confused, trying to assess whether "Congratulations!!" is in order or not.  Once the appropriate reaction has been confirmed and executed, [if said reaction was to be positive] the standard conversation would follow these steps:
  • "How far along are you?"
  • "Is it a boy or a girl?"
  • "Have you decided on a name yet?"
 Ah, the name. That is one question that will keep on haunting you until the very end of the pregnancy.

 "What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."
Juliet, in 'Romeo and Juliet' (Act 2, Scene 2)

If like me, you decide to wait until birth to find out your spawn's gender, the task of finding an adequate name will become even harder.You'll have to decide on First and Middle names for a boy, then go through the same process again for a girl.  Parents to twins+ have my sympathy - it must be hell trying to decide what names to choose, then figure out who should be given which name once the babies are born!

I set in place a number of rules when it comes to choosing a name.
  1. No biblical names
  2. No naming Creature after someone I know
  3. No naming Creature after someone I know's children.
  4. No naming Creature after an ex.
  5. No uber-common names [e.g. Chris, Mark, Michael, Maria, Sara]
  6. No extremely uncommon names
  7. No names that are easily warped to become something rude [e.g. Josh,Garrett]
  8. No names that are easy to make fun of - mainly because I'd be tempted to do so myself.
  9. No stupid names
  10. The initials must not spell something that will make a bully squeal in glee.
Those guidelines meant that I said no to pretty much all suggestions put forward by people who wished to give their input.  Unfortunately, I also had to change my own mind a few times as well. 

You know how everyone seems to have names up their sleeve that they'd like to call their child, should they ever become parents? Well, mine were Rhiannon and Gawain.  Thanks to pop music, I know for a fact that if I were to call any daughter of mine Rhiannon and live in Malta, more often than not people will call her Rihanna. *shudder*  Besides from that unpleasant factor, I know both a Rhiannon and a Gawain nowadays - and one of my friends actually named her own daughter Rhiannon, so that is a no-go.

I also happen to have a severe aversion to most unisex names, as they tend to be too masculine/feminine at the best of times.  Therefore, I completely ignored them whilst brainstorming for names.

At one point, I had decided I would call a boy Duncan - which meant I'd have to listen to Princes of the Universe once he's born... And a girl would be called Yvaine, after the Fallen Star in Stardust - one kickass novel written by God Himself - Mr Neil Gaiman.  This was the plan until it happened.


Well, I was finding it so difficult to come up with a name mainly because I'm the kind of person who needs to see a face in order to assign a name to that being.  So, when I got to have a 4D Ultrasound Scan, and I actually saw Creature's face, I realised that neither names were appropriate, and therefore I would have to start my quest all over again.

My Creature :)

I spent the next few days constantly staring at the 4D images, trying to decide what name Creature looks like, besides from Creature, of course.  And then, one night it hit me.  I had finally found The Name.

At this point, you're probably hanging on the edge of your seat in anticipation. "What is it? Tell us! Tell us!" you're screaming frantically at me.

Sorry, but not yet. 

It isn't that I'm being evil..... well, not just that, anyway.  Remember the 10 Name Choosing Commandments I listed previously?  Number 3 is the reason why only a handful of people I trust know the name. 

Friendships can be ruined over someone stealing another person's future baby name.  It has happened in the past, and undoubtedly, it will carry on happening.  If you're one of them Name Stealers - SHAME ON YOU!!  It is really annoying when it happens, especially if the person robbed of the name has the same kind of rules I do.  Please, don't.  If you like a name someone has had up their sleeve for a while, and you would like to use it, ask them first.  They might not agree to its use as a first name, but perhaps they'd be fine with it being used as a middle name!

So, now that I've chosen a First Name, I get to repeat the same process all over again with a Middle Name.  Wish me luck!


  1. I always thought of Yvaine as the perfect girl's name...

  2. Actually given rule 3, in the unlikely event i need it I hereby officially lay claim to it since yr not using it :))